The anxiety is creeping in...
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| Wed, 05-18-2005 - 8:32pm |
Hi All,
Dh is leaving in the morning about 6am. He is packing now.. up until this point I have been doing well and had a good session with my tdoc today.
Well I have a laptop and I usually sit in my room and play around on the laptop. When I am ready for bed I unwind by surfing the web. It calms me down.. its like my meditation.
Well dh just told me that he has to take it with him, so he can do work from the hotel.
We do have a computer upstairs, its a loft. But I don't like to go up there...
I can't help it right now I am in tears. I feel like its hard enough to have him gone but to also take away my safety net...
I was just looking at websites to find a cheap one that we can go out and buy.
i will still check in here but I don't think I'll be able to do chat (which I was looking forward to tomorrow since he's leaving tomorrow) I am so sad and wondering how I will get through..
I am scared since the 1st panic attack I ever had was when he was going away... he has also had some more blood in his nose the past few days. i feel like its going to start all over again.
Heather
Edited 5/18/2005 9:09 pm ET ET by hmeshow

Maybe you can build up the courage to use the one in the loft??
Put some pretty plants and pictures up there especially of you and DH!!
Put on some nice music and give it a try!
If you want to chat with me just email me!!!
I know you can do this! Think of all you have overcome lately!!
You are doing so well don't let this bring you down!!
Let us help you come to chat up in the loft and we can help YOU!!
Take care! Judy
Hi Heather, I hope you are doin better by the time you read this. Is your hubby feeling ok? Just wondered why he is getting nose bleeds and has he been to the doctor for this?
Let me know how you both are,k?
I had a couple suggestions for your computer situation, Could you move the computer in the loft temporarily to where you would like it while you dh is away?
Also, Don't know what your budget is for a notebook but here are a few ideas on the lesser expensive ones I saw online.
http://www.circuitcity.com/ccd/categorylist.do?N=20012961+20012963&catOid=-12963&c=1
or maybe try Dell or Gateway?
Just a couple ideas...My laptop was broken for about 6 months, up until recently, and it drove me crazy. You see our other computer is upstairs in a room I really don't like either. So I can totally relate to how you feel.
How long will dh be away for?
I just want you to know I am here for you, as are all the other gals too!
Hang in there, and please keep us posted on how you are doing, and your dh's health as well! Sending lots of P&PT's your guys way! hugs,shasta
{{{{{{{{{{{{{Heather}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Believe me I know how you feel about dh leaving, Mine will be gone in just 3 short days. It's coming so fast. Yesterday morning I broke down and was crying. I was trying so hard not to do that because I don't want him to worry about me more than he already is.
Shasta had a great idea about moving the computer, Can you do that? I know that not having a computer makes me nuts, it's my outlet, some days it's my sanity.
I hope you are feeling better this morning and remember there is no shame in taking the klonopin if you need it. Take care of you. Email me any time if you need me.
Hugs & Prayers,
Danielle
Hysterectomy & Alternatives
Host of Tuesday Night Anxiety, Panic & Phobia's Chat 7 - 9 pm MST
"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." --Unknown
http://members.tripod.com/angelkitty16-ivil/
Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,
Hi, Heather
I can completely relate to how you're feeling right now. Maybe you should try writing down a schedule for yourself. you can on paper schedule 5 - 10 minutes at a time on the PC located in the loft. Make yourself stay up there until the time is over, and then take a break. That way you can slowly work your way up to feeling more comfortable to sitting in there. I also read in my studies that when individuals write down a committment on a piece of paper, they are more likely to keep it. I dont know if it's true, but it works for me.
I know you can do this, you just have to believe in yourself :)
mia
You girls are the BEST.
Last night I was crying so bad the dh said f'it its not worth upsetting me over.
He left the laptop!! Its going to hurt him in the end because when he gets back he will be swapmed with work, he loves me that much to do his best to make sure I'm ok.
So that issue is taken care of..
About his nose, to those who don't know...
geeze it was about 6 weeks ago I had gone to work and get a call that my dh was being taken by ambulance to the hospital, my best friend who works with me was the one who tokk that call.
I ran to the car and started to make calls as I was driving to find out what was going on, called dh's cell phone and my kids answered. I didn;t understand at all what was going on, finally I got my mom on the phone who was on another phone with 911.
Dh got a bloody nose that wouldn't stop ( I should say that I knew it was serious because ch is SO layed back and doesn't like hospitials or anything) anyway the ambulance wansn;t there yet and Jay was outside with the police waiting. My neighor had come over to take the Boys,
SO I was heading home to try to get there so he didn't have to be alone in the ambulance. As I was almost there I heard the sirens so I missed it. I got the the hospital parked in a no parking zone (didn't care) and ran in.
One of my friends was alredy there who lives close to the hospital.
I got in to see him and he was bleeding so bad he was bleeding into a bucket it was seriously like a focet, I have never seen anything like that before.
He was crying and his blood pressure was through the roof, it was dangerously high.
The tried to find out where the bleeing was coming from and they couldn't, I called my father in law and told him that he needed to get the ASAP. I really thought that dh was going to die, I honestly did. I was preparing myself for him to die in front of me. What an awful feeling.
In the end they decided to put in a nasal packing in his nose.. it a 4 inch tube that the shove in to put pressure in the nose. I staying in the room and as he started I heard my dh yell in pain that I have never heard anyone do before, I stepped out. I thought I was going to pass out, he was in so much pain and I couldn't bear to watch it. Of course now I can't forgive myself for leaving the room and not being there for him.
We went home and he was to see the specialist the following week, this was on a friday.
he cried in pain all night and I brought him back to the ER, the gave him vicitin and said that he had the start of an infection. Well he told them what he was allergic to and when i got the antibiotic from the pharmacy I read the instructions and he is highly allergic to what they gave him, I was FURIOUS. The pain meds made him sleep so that was good.
In the meantime that sunday I couldn;t stop vomiting and my stomach hurt. I went to the ER, I thought it was my diverticulosis. It turned out to be stress or a bug.
That monday I was still sick but I took him to the ENT Dr.
He wanted to leave the nasal packing for 2 more days to make sure. So in 2 more day we went bac, when they took it out dh passed out from pain. Thank God my Mom was there also.
In the end the cauterized a large portion of his nose, all it was was a stupid blood vessel in his nose that broke.
Since then he has had some blood and had to wear cotton with neosporin in his nose for a few weeks..
4 weeks ago he was going away and the night before we changed his cotton and their was blood, that night I woke up with my 1st panic attack ever. The stress of him leaving and having some blood triggered it.
I should add that prior to this my Grandmother had surgery, my Mom had emergency surgery, I found out that I have colitis and diverticulosis and I found out that my son has a heart mumur.
This all happened within 2 months of each other, which is why I am diagnised with adjustment disorder,I just got the severe anxiety with it.
Dh has had some blood that past few days, he is going to the Dr. monday, he also knows what to do and has medicine to try to stop it if he gets a bad one.
I also have my best friends bridal shower sat. Its a good distraction but a lot to get done and it is costing a fortune!!
AND both my Boys have colds and fevers.. go figure. Thank God I have my Mom here. My cousin is also bringing us lunch today so I am all set..
I will be at chat tonight as long as the Boys are ok and asleep....
You girls are the BEST!!!
((HUGS))
Heather
Oh {{{heather}}} that is so much to go through, I don't blame
Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,