can't find the strength

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
can't find the strength
2
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 10:20am

so, my anxiety has been out of control for the past week or so. the moment I leave the house I find my self out of breath, dizzy and disoriented. I've managed to go to class two nights this week, but I can't walk to school or home like I was used to, so I have to either take a cab or the subway. Anyway, as part of my MA thesis I have to interview women who are mothers in NYC. I have an interview scheduled for today with a woman who lives in the upper westside. that means I have to go down to campus by my self to grab a recorder, which is in the lower east side, than travel up to the upper west side by my self. I dont feel like I hve the strength to do this by my self!! not to mention it would be ridiculously expensive to take a cab for the entire length of manhattan, which means i'd have to take the subway and there is cell phone reception down there. I dont know what to do. should I cancel the appointment?? I realize that cancelling it would be giving in to my anxiety, but i feel like I just can't do it
:(
what do you do in situations like this??

Mia

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 11:18am
This is a tough one, Mia. It seems to me that you're stuck between a rock & a hard place. I know how fear works. I know too, that pushing yourself *to* a situation is one thing. It's another to push *through* it. I have done both. A few years ago, I had to go with my ex to the consulate for his visa & work permit. We were staying with friends in the suburbs of Toronto & HAD to ride the subway. We also, HAD to get to the appointment. Since I was my ex's sponsor, I was needed too. I went kicking & screaming(in my head, thank God!) with a Bible in my hand, a soda & a tablet of xanax in my pocket. I kept feeling for that xanax because I was sure it would fall out or perhaps there was a hole in my pocket & it would be lost. It was a terrifying ride & I prayed & read the Bible the entire way. No panic attack! I made it! But, there have been lesser situations that I was only able to get myself *to* them. I'll admit that I was disappointed later, because I will never know if I could have gotten through panic free or not. For me, I think the *have too* factor plays a big role. If I have too do something, I can. Do you have too do this, Mia? I think that your education matters alot. Ultimately you will have to decide. We'll support you in whatever you choose. You won't be a failure to us, as we've been there & know how hard it is. Since this anxiety has just reared it's ugly head recently, maybe you don't have all your coping skills in place. Maybe today isn't the day. We'll be here for you no matter what. Good luck & GBU! I am saying a special prayer for you. (((hugs))) jan



 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 2:56pm
thanks Jan. I ended up rescheduling, I didn't think I could handle going. the woman was kind of angry that I didn't call sooner, but whatever. Now I need to figure out how to leave the house without having a panic attack, luckily I have another psychologist appointment tomorrow.