Semi-new here...anxiety and career?
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| Sun, 05-29-2005 - 10:58am |
Hi, I think I've posted here before, but it's been a long while (although I've posted a lot on other boards...cl-janis, I know I recognize you from one of them). I'm trying to figure something out and could really use any input. To sum things up, I've struggled with anxiety (mostly social anxiety) for many years, along with more than my share of depression (I just finished a round of ECT after having tried all the medications!).
Right now I'm 24 and in my first year of med school (although I'm overwhelmed with the thought that I may not be able to pass these upcoming final exams now that the ECT has destroyed my memory!). Recently I've come to the conclusion that I may not want to continue in med school...and instead apply to veterinary school (really my first love that I kind of talked myself out of years ago).
This would be a huge change, of course, and I want to make sure I'm making it for the right reasons. And not out of social anxiety...as my mom put it, I should be making this decision in order to move *toward* something, and not *away* from something, if that makes any sense. I fear that I may want to quit med school because I have so much trouble with social anxiety...I get very nervous even practicing interviews and exams on patients, and once even failed an interview because I couldn't remember what to do.
And I guess understandably, I have a much easier time around animals...hence my leaning toward vet school. I know there are some specialties in human medicine that don't involve too much interaction with patients (e.g. radiology), but I don't want to be forced to choose one of those specialties because of my anxiety...seems like it would make for a sad life.
I guess I'm wondering, how can I know whether I'd be making this change to vet school for the right reasons? I do love animals...but I don't want to settle on vet school as a second-choice, fall-back kind of plan. Everything in my life seems very confused right now...I'm already very depressed and am having serious doubts that I'll even be able to make it through these upcoming exams (which I've already delayed due to my ECT treatments). Any thoughts on how to understand my true motivations or how to make this choice? Many thanks...I really appreciate any ideas,
Rose

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Wow, I had forgotten to check back in on this board until now (memory issues again!), but I'm so glad I did...I'm pleasantly surprised by the wonderful, caring responses I've gotten...thank you all so much! I'm definitely going to go back through and read them more carefully...I think you all have some great insight...and I think you're right that rushing to a decision now is not the way to go.
Right now I'm planning to keep my summer research job (focusing on autism...kind of ironic, given my own social problems!) and use this time to think about what I truly want...maybe shadow a vet if I can too. It is true that there are some issues in vet medicine that would still probably be a problem for me (like what happens if a sick animal could be treated, but the owners don't have the money or aren't willing to spend it? I think I'd end up adopting them all!)...but mostly it does still appeal to me.
A million thanks again to you all...(and Vicky, I am kind of embarrassed that it's been so long and I'm still here posting and seeking support...but you had a good way of looking at it!),
Rose
P.S. Not sure if I talked about the final exam I just failed...that had gotten me really down...but I just got an email from the prof (who is also my adviser) that reassured me that everything would be fine...and was really caring and concerned about my problems...which was great...but now I think I'd feel guilty if I decided to leave, lol!
Edited 6/2/2005 11:06 am ET ET by rosa444
Dear dear Rosa,
Do not EVER be embarrassed for doing something like seeking help with ideas and support that you need. We ALL need it and look, I been around longer than you so there!!!! I am not embarrassed that it takes conferring with others living the similar issues to be able to accomplish the small improvements I have made in myself and my life. I believe that this is a wholesome and healthy way to make the stress bearable enough that I can just keep trying to do better. I feel that makes me wise!! (a little back patting there!!)
This is a good thing. Shoot look at the difference in your attitude from when you first posted and your response!! I feel a definate improvement there. Don't you?
Keeping on keeping on, Rosa. When you quit trying is time to worry. Not while you are looking at , acknowledging things, and seeking solutions!!
Love and hugs,
Vicky
Blessings, Suz
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