I am in need of a pep talk..!
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| Mon, 06-20-2005 - 11:55am |
Hi Girls,
I had a pretty good weeked. Dh and I did a lot of things. I even felt like myself most of the weekend.
I am just having a hard time with feeling out of it and I have the unreal feeling. I feel disconnected today.
My therapist thinks that I may be doing it to myself and i wonder that too. I don't know how it is that I can be ok with dh but as soon as he's not here I feel out if it again.
I am just having a hard time again, I am getting those intense fear feeling back again. I am so SCARED that i will never feel normal again. i CAN'T live my life like this, it HAS to get better.
I am hoping that the increase in lexapro will be that last kick that I need. My pdoc said that it will take months for me to really feel better, it had already been 2. My pdoc as well as my tdoc both say that I am doing great, I have even dropped down to seeing my tdoc every 2 weeks and my pdoc 1 a month.
I am just afraid and having a hard time. Dh is so GREAT and I am so happy to have him.
For those of you who are religous.. I am having a hard time with that.
I belong to a nondemonitial Christian church.. yesterday at church we had a women who is a member get up and talk and she told us about how she had gone blind in one eye and they found out that she had a benign tumor in her head. She had surgery and her eyesight came back.. she said that the Dr.'s have never seen anyone regain their eyesight after having that happen. She praised God.
She then started talking about her "strong holdings" and how she really found God in that time and got all of her strong holdings released. She then said that anyone who wanted could come up front and she would pray with/for them. To be honest, I thought she was

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Religious beliefs are very personal & in your case, very strong. I don't really understand the term *strong holdings.* But in our church, we have *laying on of hands* & the pastor annoints the sick or troubled. Back in '87 when my dd was born, my anxiety was much like yours. I had laying on of hands & was annointed. Of course I wanted a complete & immediate cure. That didn't happen. Some doubts did creep in my mind, but I kept it all in perspective. I frequently reminded myself that I was prayed for by the entire church & I had the best the church could offer. I kept my faith in God.
Heather, I'm so sorry to hear you aren't well today. I was the same this weekend, spent it with dh and felt great. I got out of the house & we went to a couple of stores & such, I don't usually go anywhere except for therapy & to the flea market on the weekend. I had 2 small anxiety attacks & 1 minor panic attack when we got separated, but overall it was a great weekend. My anxiety is almost zero when he is here. Today when he went to work, that's another story. I feel like I'm suffocating & can't breathe. I'll be talking to the neighbor one minute & the next I feel like I'm floating away from them. I went to my new pdoc today and he changed my xanax, which I've been taking every 6 hours around the clock to ativan 2x/day. I'm a nervous wreck over it. He gave me the whole addiction speech and said no good psychiatrist would ever prescribe xanax long term. He said it's just a crutch. I don't know what to do now. I didn't fill the script, I'm so afraid of trying meds, let alone changing. He said if the xanax was working I would be back to work & functional. He does have a point there. I guess my fear is that I'm finally leaving the house, which is a big step for me, and now he's changing it around. I asked about the lexapro & he said I didn't need it. Go figure! I'd like to hear from someone else that has taken ativan and xanax, how similar are they? He said people like xanax because of the buzz they give you - I told him I don't get a buzz! I never have and never even heard of such a thing! Any input would be appreciated - Danielle? Judy? anyone? lol
Heather, you haven't mentioned your grandma, how is she doing?
Sheri Ann
Sheri Ann
I feel like every doc has their own ideas & nobody agrees with anybody else. I don't think you or I would become addicted. I hate the idea of changing meds! Anxiety is the worse! It's been very disabling for me. I haven't been to work since January and my FMLA runs out 8/16. I need to get a grip so I can go back to work or I'll lose my medical insurance - for my whole family. I think the ativan will be too strong for me, but the xanax i take every 6 hours and the last week I can't get back to sleep after getting up at 3 a.m. for that dose. The insomnia is definitely taking its toll. I'm like you, I don't like a buzz from ANYTHING - I can't drink, can't stand that feeling of no control!
Sheri Ann
Sheri Ann
im so sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time again, it seemed like things were better for you a few weeks ago.
You said your therapist thinks that you're doing this to yourself, and im not sure I understand what that means. anxiety is obviously caused by intrusive thoughts, but also by a chemical imbalance (which may or may not be causing the intrusive thoughts and vice versa.) The key is to be optomistic about the future...and if that gets hard, think about the good times you've had in the past and figure out how you get there. especially for you, it seems like not having DH around is a major trigger, that should something to work on...figure out what is it about him being gone that makes you anxious.
as for the religious stuff, i wish i could relate, but i was born and raised agnostic...all i can tell you from experience is that you have to believe in yourself 100% in order to make yourself better! you just have to keep a positive outlook on life and try to focus on the minute by minute, rather than thinking about the what ifs.
I hope your doing better today, Heather. My heart goes out to you. I know how hard this is for you and was thinking about you last night when I couldn't sleep. Tomorrow is the full moon - maybe we'll feel better once that is out of the way?! I hope you make chat tonight, I look forward to "seeing" you there! Email me if you want someone to talk to.
Hugs,
Sheri Ann
Sheri Ann
Hey Sheri Ann,
Thanks for asking about my Grandmother. She is doing better. As soon as they drain the fluid around her lungs she feels so much better. Now they just have to find the cause of it.
I was just reading Debbie's post to you, and I agree with her 100%. My pdoc said the same thing. He said that the people who get addicted are the people who don't take it as directed and take more then they are supposed to. He said that as long as I take it as prescribed then I will be ok.
Also, I don't undertstand why he said that you don't need lexapro (or any other )
Wow, Debbie - you are a success story! I agree about the xanax. When he said if the xanax was working I'd be able to work & drive, I did silently agree. But, as I told him, I thought an increase in my dose, since I ONLY take 0.125 mg 4x/day, would make sense. I talked to a friend today that sees the same pdoc (I didn't know she saw him, too) & she said he is totally against xanax for ANYONE! Unfortunately, there are no alternatives, unless I find a family practice doc, he is the ONLY psych practice within at least 75 miles to my home. I'm not switching for awhile I decided. I'm making an 800+ mile trip on 4th of July weekend & feel I'll be better on the xanax. I don't want too much disruption all at once - cars are one of my biggest fears. Thanks for taking your time to post, please stop by chat - and share your insight - it is INVALUABLE! We don't hear from enough "old timers" and it's stories like yours that make me see a light at the endbof the tunnel :)
Sheri Ann
Sheri Ann
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