I am in need of a pep talk..!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
I am in need of a pep talk..!
12
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 11:55am

Hi Girls,


I had a pretty good weeked. Dh and I did a lot of things. I even felt like myself most of the weekend.


I am just having a hard time with feeling out of it and I have the unreal feeling. I feel disconnected today.


My therapist thinks that I may be doing it to myself and i wonder that too. I don't know how it is that I can be ok with dh but as soon as he's not here I feel out if it again.


I am just having a hard time again, I am getting those intense fear feeling back again. I am so SCARED that i will never feel normal again. i CAN'T live my life like this, it HAS to get better.


I am hoping that the increase in lexapro will be that last kick that I need. My pdoc said that it will take months for me to really feel better, it had already been 2. My pdoc as well as my tdoc both say that I am doing great, I have even dropped down to seeing my tdoc every 2 weeks and my pdoc 1 a month.


I am just afraid and having a hard time. Dh is so GREAT and I am so happy to have him.


For those of you who are religous.. I am having a hard time with that.


I belong to a nondemonitial Christian church.. yesterday at church we had a women who is a member get up and talk and she told us about how she had gone blind in one eye and they found out that she had a benign tumor in her head. She had surgery and her eyesight came back.. she said that the Dr.'s have never seen anyone regain their eyesight after having that happen. She praised God.


She then started talking about her "strong holdings" and how she really found God in that time and got all of her strong holdings released. She then said that anyone who wanted could come up front and she would pray with/for them. To be honest, I thought she was

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 3:03pm

I know you have had better days, Heather. I am sure you'll get them back again. You do lean on dh for support, so naturally when he's gone you feel a little lost. That just means you need to find lots to keep you busy.


Religious beliefs are very personal & in your case, very strong. I don't really understand the term *strong holdings.* But in our church, we have *laying on of hands* & the pastor annoints the sick or troubled. Back in '87 when my dd was born, my anxiety was much like yours. I had laying on of hands & was annointed. Of course I wanted a complete & immediate cure. That didn't happen. Some doubts did creep in my mind, but I kept it all in perspective. I frequently reminded myself that I was prayed for by the entire church & I had the best the church could offer. I kept my faith in God.

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 5:00pm

Heather, I'm so sorry to hear you aren't well today. I was the same this weekend, spent it with dh and felt great. I got out of the house & we went to a couple of stores & such, I don't usually go anywhere except for therapy & to the flea market on the weekend. I had 2 small anxiety attacks & 1 minor panic attack when we got separated, but overall it was a great weekend. My anxiety is almost zero when he is here. Today when he went to work, that's another story. I feel like I'm suffocating & can't breathe. I'll be talking to the neighbor one minute & the next I feel like I'm floating away from them. I went to my new pdoc today and he changed my xanax, which I've been taking every 6 hours around the clock to ativan 2x/day. I'm a nervous wreck over it. He gave me the whole addiction speech and said no good psychiatrist would ever prescribe xanax long term. He said it's just a crutch. I don't know what to do now. I didn't fill the script, I'm so afraid of trying meds, let alone changing. He said if the xanax was working I would be back to work & functional. He does have a point there. I guess my fear is that I'm finally leaving the house, which is a big step for me, and now he's changing it around. I asked about the lexapro & he said I didn't need it. Go figure! I'd like to hear from someone else that has taken ativan and xanax, how similar are they? He said people like xanax because of the buzz they give you - I told him I don't get a buzz! I never have and never even heard of such a thing! Any input would be appreciated - Danielle? Judy? anyone? lol

Heather, you haven't mentioned your grandma, how is she doing?

Sheri Ann

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2005
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 9:01pm
Hello there, I read your message and am quite concerned about the meds. I took ativan first a year ago when I started having anxiety attacks and panic attacks. But that made me so tired, so my doc put me on .25 mg Xanax. I take one a day and she told me that I wouldn't become addicted to such a low dosage. Is this true???? It just calms me, it doesn't give me a buzz. I am not a drinker either cause I don't like feeling like I have a buzz. It all so confusing. I have been taking xanax about 6 months now. Some weeks I can go days without taking one. I try to go with out a lot but I do think of it as a crutch, my courage to get through the stress. HELP!!!! You all have helped so much, I just want to thank everyone for their messages. Jan
Jan
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 9:09pm

I feel like every doc has their own ideas & nobody agrees with anybody else. I don't think you or I would become addicted. I hate the idea of changing meds! Anxiety is the worse! It's been very disabling for me. I haven't been to work since January and my FMLA runs out 8/16. I need to get a grip so I can go back to work or I'll lose my medical insurance - for my whole family. I think the ativan will be too strong for me, but the xanax i take every 6 hours and the last week I can't get back to sleep after getting up at 3 a.m. for that dose. The insomnia is definitely taking its toll. I'm like you, I don't like a buzz from ANYTHING - I can't drink, can't stand that feeling of no control!

Sheri Ann

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 9:22pm
Hi Heather
im so sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time again, it seemed like things were better for you a few weeks ago.
You said your therapist thinks that you're doing this to yourself, and im not sure I understand what that means. anxiety is obviously caused by intrusive thoughts, but also by a chemical imbalance (which may or may not be causing the intrusive thoughts and vice versa.) The key is to be optomistic about the future...and if that gets hard, think about the good times you've had in the past and figure out how you get there. especially for you, it seems like not having DH around is a major trigger, that should something to work on...figure out what is it about him being gone that makes you anxious.
as for the religious stuff, i wish i could relate, but i was born and raised agnostic...all i can tell you from experience is that you have to believe in yourself 100% in order to make yourself better! you just have to keep a positive outlook on life and try to focus on the minute by minute, rather than thinking about the what ifs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 9:03am

I hope your doing better today, Heather. My heart goes out to you. I know how hard this is for you and was thinking about you last night when I couldn't sleep. Tomorrow is the full moon - maybe we'll feel better once that is out of the way?! I hope you make chat tonight, I look forward to "seeing" you there! Email me if you want someone to talk to.

Hugs,
Sheri Ann

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2005
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 9:37am
Hi Sheri Ann, you are so right. Anxiety is the worst. It is also disabling for me too sometimes. I just want to crawl in a hole and not come out. It's terrible. Also, sometimes I feel like I am watching myself go through this, like I am not connected. It's just awful. Xanax helps me too, I took one last night and slept really good and this morning I woke up and actually didn't feel all shaky and panicky. So you know, then I think, OK, now I'm feeling too good, NOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. It's like I don't dare to be happy because I'm afraid the other shoe will drop and something else will happen. It's that panicky, scared feeling. I just hate this stuff. I want it to stop. Jan
Jan
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 10:29am
Hi, I just caught your response and felt my blood boiling. I have been on xanax 1 mg 4 x a day for 20+yrs. My psychiatrist is a head over a mental hospital and the whole 9 yards. I have talked to him about the xanax and how long I have been on it. He considers addiction someone who cannot stay on a regular dosage, one who keeps climbing the ladder. I also take 150mg of Welbutrin XL 2 x a day. I can do anything that I want to. I travel, fly, work, go to crowded places etc. I live as normal a life as anyone and my A/P is considered major. I have had a phobia of rain but I have been in many a rain storms and out of state to boot and have not had any attacks. with this disorder we all, I think have a safe place, which is home,a safe person, which is our spouse. I have been thru all of this, my husband had to stay home from work, I would keep the kids home......lets just say it was bad, yet I have never been hospitalized or taken to the emergency room. So I do resent what your Dr. had to say. I have no desire to lower my meds or change. I do great right where I am at. Is it a cure? No. but is ativan? We all need help, if that was not the case this board would not exist. I have had many times that spacey feeling and I do think at times I do bring it on myself. One of the major places I have it is the grocery store. So what do I do? Think of it before I go in and presto!!! Anyway I hope that you do really well on the ativan, the people here seem to and for Heather I feel for you with your religious problems. I am a religious person and I am at church all the time but as Jan says it is personal, because I do not believe as you or Jan do and I might add to that, we are very good friends. I hope for the best for all who visit this board. I have been here for years but I must admit I don't come here as much as I used to. I go to chat once in awhile but since I do not post much I feel like a person with a blue head or something because all the dicussions seem to halt when I arrive because they think I am someone new. If ya all only knew ROFL Have a great day. Debbie

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 11:33am

Hey Sheri Ann,


Thanks for asking about my Grandmother. She is doing better. As soon as they drain the fluid around her lungs she feels so much better. Now they just have to find the cause of it.


I was just reading Debbie's post to you, and I agree with her 100%. My pdoc said the same thing. He said that the people who get addicted are the people who don't take it as directed and take more then they are supposed to. He said that as long as I take it as prescribed then I will be ok.


Also, I don't undertstand why he said that you don't need lexapro (or any other )

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 11:37am

Wow, Debbie - you are a success story! I agree about the xanax. When he said if the xanax was working I'd be able to work & drive, I did silently agree. But, as I told him, I thought an increase in my dose, since I ONLY take 0.125 mg 4x/day, would make sense. I talked to a friend today that sees the same pdoc (I didn't know she saw him, too) & she said he is totally against xanax for ANYONE! Unfortunately, there are no alternatives, unless I find a family practice doc, he is the ONLY psych practice within at least 75 miles to my home. I'm not switching for awhile I decided. I'm making an 800+ mile trip on 4th of July weekend & feel I'll be better on the xanax. I don't want too much disruption all at once - cars are one of my biggest fears. Thanks for taking your time to post, please stop by chat - and share your insight - it is INVALUABLE! We don't hear from enough "old timers" and it's stories like yours that make me see a light at the endbof the tunnel :)

Sheri Ann

Sheri Ann

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