In Need Of Some Advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
In Need Of Some Advice!
5
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 8:02pm

Hello,

I am in desperate need of some advice as to what to do. I am very codependent on my husband and have been for many years. We are both aware of the problem and seem to live with it. Well, he lives with it but I do not manage well. There are many days that I will not adventure out of the house; my anxieties just get the better of me. I find that I do a lot better went my husband is home.

Now here is the problem that I need help on. My husband loves to ride dirt bikes with his sister and her family and his parents. We all went camping over Memorial Day Weekend and I can tell you I had a real difficult time with camping in a pack campground filled with children, dogs and motor cycles. We have two small children, ds age 6 and dd age 4; we also have two older daughters age 25 and 20. The two older ones we in different campgrounds that were only a few miles away. I also had to take my two dogs and the female came into heat while we were there. I was able to make it thought the weekend but the worst was when my husband went on a 4-hour trail ride. This is the normal amount of time that they ride and sometimes longer. I was left in camp with only his parents, the dogs and the two small children. When my husband returned I was fit to be tied, I had had enough. Our son sat for those four hours with this helmet on waiting for his father to return and give him a ride. It was very hard to see him just sitting there. When my husband returned I told him that I did not ever what to come camping here again. That if he wanted to do this that he had to do it without me.

Well, he has taken my challenge; he is going camping on the Fourth of July weekend. The problem is that the little ones want to go with him. He has arranged for his mom to watch the little ones while he rides. My problem is that he has place me in an awful position. My anxieties will be at maximum if he goes and takes the children. I could not stay here at my home alone; I would be too freak out In fact I would be to worried about all of them if I stayed home but I do not want to go either and if he stays home I will feel guilty.

What to do, what to do? I am danged if I do and danged if I don’t. I just do not know what to do?

What would you do in this situation?

Warm Regards,

RainydaysArgon




Edited 6/23/2005 8:05 pm ET ET by rainydaysargon
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 8:20pm
Hi Rainydays-I don't really have any suggestions for you, but I am hoping someone else will. I can only tell you that you are not alone at all,as far as feeling dependent on your dh, because I do as well! And I know there are others here too!
Sounds like you have a pretty good guy, as I do too. That is a really hard situation you are in, because if you are like me you don't want him to miss out on fun stuff because of your anxieties, it's tough. Would you be ok if he just went for the day maybe??
Maybe you could talk with your dh about taking 'baby steps'?
I really hope it works out for you, and I am sure someone will give you some good ideas here on the board.
Oh-I just noticed that you live in The beautiful Pac.NW too! Maybe the campgrounds will be full and dh will have to come home?? LOL! hee hee! Just kiddn!
Keep us posted on what you guys decide,k? Sending you P&PT's!
hugs, shasta
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 11:31pm
Hi Rainydays!

Blessings, Suz   Posts in this Community   

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 12:00am

See Rainydays-I knew someone would post some words of wisdom.
And you got GREAT advice from one of THE BEST, The Wise & Wonderful SUZ! ;0)

I learned a lesson tonite, It is totally up to ME to heal myself,face anxiety,cope, and get thru each day and be HAPPY. It isn't my dh place to always take care of me, he has his own issues in life to deal with. (me being one of them! LOL!)
Sure it is SO GREAT to have a dh,friends,family,meds and especially this board to help us, but when it comes down to it,WE, each one of us individually really has to look this anxiety in the face, and learn to 'take it down' so to speak, in our own way.
Some days are hard, really hard,but then somedays are good.
I know it is nice to be taken care of, but I think I am at my best when I have others to worry about and others to take care of, and I have to be responsible for things. It is Really Hard sometimes. But it is good for me mentally and physically, when I do take care of things,instead of wallowing in the p/a. I keep hoping as I push myself to do more things I feel I can't do,will get easier and easier, and I believe they will!
Let us know how you are doin! hugs, shasta

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 4:40am

Hello! We are happy to see you posting to our caring community. You are not alone. I am sorry to hear about your position. It must be scary to feel so unsafe alone in your own home. I think Shasta has a good idea about trying the baby steps. Gradually stay @ home alone for longer & longer periods until you feel comfortable. Otherwise, you will be dealing with this issue for a long time to come.


As for the camping, maybe that was a bad experience. You did seem to have extra stresses that you may not have to face again.

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 10:23am
Hi You are really in a catch 22!!
I rememer being right where you're at!
Not a good place to be--- dependent on someone else!
To get through the camping thing I would try to focus
on the kids and keeping them busy- as you do maybe you
will lose yourself in playing with them and forget about
hubby!! Find something that you enjoy and DO IT!!
Take a little hike with the kids, collect somethings of nature
with them,color with them, bring some paints for them to use!!
Try to occupy them and yourself!
I know this sounds like it will not work but I have been there
and know how you feel- the more you learn to enjoy yourself
without your hubby the better for BOTH of you!!
Please consider getting some help for your anxiety and
dependence so you can have a life also!! It is not easy but
you will love it when you have your life back!! Take care, Judy