More bad days than good days...
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| Mon, 06-27-2005 - 9:58am |
I hope everybody had a good, peaceful weekend.
It seems like every good day that I have is countered by a bad day. This weekend was my BF's 22nd birthday. I wanted to make it special for him. Although we ended up having a nice day yesterday, the anxiety was horrible. It starts when I wake up in the morning - heart beating fast, sweating, so many thoughts - it's like I doom myself from the get-go - "oh god, here it goes again - another one of these days". I'm scared to go to sleep or take a nap because I'm scared to wake up anxious ...
I tried talking to him about the anxiety a bit yesterday, trying to tell him what it was like, how it felt, how hard it was - but I'm scared to be too honest because I'm scared of freaking him out. He's so young - he doesn't need to be dealing with this right now.
The uncomfortableness and "disconnected" feeling that I have around him is still there - I've tried to pinpoint the reason why. Maybe it's because we spend so, so much time together and I try to hide my feelings around him, hesistant to be honest and open with my anxiety. Maybe it's because he can't really help me - he doesn't really understand and he doesn't know what to do. It does make me feel better to hear everybody on the board tell me that these unwarranted thoughts are normal for anxious people - that they plant themselves in our heads for no reason and that they are lies. I just hope this is true in my situation. Sometimes I look at him and realize how lucky I am and how much I love him, but then other times I get so anxious around him and worry that I don't love him at all. Last night was better but this morning kinda feels bad again. It feels so horrible to know that you love somebody so much but at the same time feel like you don't. I feel so guilty.
Please promise me this is just the anxiety and that it will go away. I am so blessed to have him in my life and don't want to lose him because of my problems.

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Do you take your medication before you get out of bed in the morning? That helps me the most. If I get up to use the bathroom, I take it then and go back to bed for about 30 minutes. If you do take it and it's not working, you need to follow up with md. I believe if you are on the right dose, these thoughts will be greatly minimized if not taken away. When I first started taking xanax, and when I stopped it and restarted it, it took awhile to kick in and make every day okay.
Sheri Ann
Sheri Ann
Also, if my regular dose doesn't work, my pdoc has told me to take an extra one & that gets me "back on track" so to speak. Please follow up with your pdoc. It sounds to me that you are suffering alot more than you need to be.
Sheri Ann
Sheri Ann
Thanks Sheri Ann -
What dose of xanex do you take? I find sometimes that it makes me really sleep and although it greatly relaxes my body, it doesn't relax my mind. I'm also scared of becoming too dependent on it ... is this a risk I should consider?
I know I'm a broken record, but do you really think the thoughts are being caused by the anxiety and not my BF? I'm not used to feeling so anxious and uncomfortable around him ... it's like I've convinced myself to associate him with the anxiety. Ugh!!
I'm going to jump in here.
I have had this disconnected feeling so MANY times. That is my worst symptom.
I think that what you are feeling is the anxiety and nothing more. Do you take anything else other then the xanax? I take lexapro and klonopin. they both seem to help a lot.
i wish their was more i could do help you. It will get easier.
Two months ago I was scared to leave my house and now I not only leave my house but I am ok doing it without my dh. I still have days where I feel AWFUL, yesterday i was so out if and I had the unrel feeling and all I could do was just hug my Mom. I even layed in bed with her.
Funny, I am 26 with a family of my own and I still went to my Mom and climed into bed and layer with her.
For me it has gotten better with time. Its still VERY hard, I forget, are you seeing a therapist? That really helps me, she tells me that ys its is all anxiety and that I AM OK, the things that I am going through are normal.
It is such a hard concept to grasp, its not like our arm is broken and we can just fix it. That would be so much easier..
Take Care of yourself, and post as much as you need.. we are here for you!
I take only 1/2 of a 0.25 mg tablet of xanax. I hate to take meds, and often suffer miserably because I don't want to take another one. I have to tell you - the extra one always stops my mind from reeling. The sleepiness will go away as you get used to the xanax. It did for me. I don't think it's something you will get addicted to, I think it's something you need right now so you can think clearly & put things in perspective!
Sheri Ann
Sheri Ann
Sheri Ann -
From another post, it's great to hear that you've been able to cut back on your meds ... I guess I'm just starting so I shouldn't look to far into the future when I can do that too ... If you don't mind me asking, how long were you taking the xanex regularly before you started to feel great? Thanks for your help ... finding this board was truly a blessing.
I really think you should call the precribing doc. Mine are prescribed for every 6 hours.
Sheri Ann
Sheri Ann
I went off it once before, and when I restarted it, it took me 2 weeks to get back to where I was when I stopped it. I know they say it's out of your system quick, but it did take awhile before the thoughts stopped. It seems like you don't take it enough, it's just prescribed as needed, right?
Sheri Ann
Sheri Ann
Yes - just as needed - the prescription says 1 every 8 hours ... I've consciously tried, in the past, not to take it ... everything usually passed.
Now that I feel at risk of ruining my relationship (all of the negative, anxious thoughts directed at my BF), I am willing to do ANYTHING to make this all go away. So I guess once every 8 hours it is then ... I know it can't go away over night, but I want to get it under control as soon as possible.
My biggest regret now is trying to explain my anxiety to him ... I'm scared he's going to think I'm weak, going to think he can't handle me, and leave me. I know deep in my heart, even though it might not feel like it on the surface, that these thoughts towards him are unwarranted and untrue and I want to get better. I would be lost without him - he is such a great guy.
(On a side note, though, I do find myself getting angry at him, though, for not understand what I'm going through)
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