Any calming words would help...
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| Tue, 06-28-2005 - 1:32pm |
I hate how it comes and goes ... Just as I think I'm feeling better, it seems like it comes right back ... the restlessness and uncontrolled thoughts.
I did really well last night - instead of going home to my parent's house like I wanted to (it's my comfort zone and I usually "run home" when I'm anxious), I was able to stay at my apartment and make it through the night. My boyfriend and I went to get ice cream and to the grocery store, then I chose to stay at my own apartment instead of staying with him. Like I said, I've associated him and his apartment to anxious feelings.
This morning when I woke up, I didn't feel as anxious as the past couple of days. I did some exercise and then got ready and went to work. I sent my BF some emails, trying to explain the need for compromise, understanding, support, and communication in our relationship. I guess I thought that might help some of the "bad feelings and thoughts" from coming. Oh, and after I exercised I did take a .5 mg xanax.
But now, after lunch, the thoughts are still there ... they keep coming back ... I hate them ... I hate feeling "scared" to see my BF and anxious around him ... I hate that unsafe feeling ... I know I'm a broken record, but I can't let this ruin our relationship. Although everything might not be perfect, nothing ever is, but we don't have problems that we can't work through.
I hope that nobody on the board is frustrated with me yet ... I feel like my parents and my boyfriend are ... I just pray to God that this is just the anxiety lying to me and doesn't mean that I don't love my boyfriend anymore ... Please help!

Hello! I am not frusterated with you-I feel like everyone is frusterated with me! Im sorry things are so crappy for you right now, Im sure your boyfriend is just confused with your relationship because maybe some of your problems are cooked up during your racing thoughts? I create a lot more problems in my life than necessary because of my anxiety and maybe that is causing some problems in your relationship. Time and medication and coping techniques will help eliminate these problems and thoughts.
For me, this anxiety is ruining my life. I rarely leave my house, I have no job, my friends are becoming scarce, and I live in constant fear. All I do is sleep, I am becoming a huge useless sloth. Just know that you are not alone and that things WILL get better. I mean, they have to...right?! I hope you feel better!
Thanks :-) I hope that you feel better, too ... This has to be the one of the worst things I've ever gone through ... Makes me wonder how I'll ever deal with bigger issues that come my way. I'm trying to take things day by day ... focus on one thing at a time.
It seems like if I can just stop dwelling on the anxiety and it's effects on me, I'm fine ... but once I think about it - once I "check on myself to make sure I'm okay" - it comes back in full force, sometimes worse. I get so angry with myself - it's like I'm my own worst enemy. In the past, I'd always been able to keep my anxiety separate from my relationship with my BF ... not so this time ... I can't even believe I've allowed myself to associate him with anxiety. It's so unfair to him and me ... I just want things to go back to normal ... I love him so much and want to feel like that again.
But again, thanks for your help - let me know if I can help you with anything :-)