I feel very alone...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2005
I feel very alone...
15
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 9:28am

I feel very alone right now. Just when I think I'm starting to feel better and having a good day, the anxiety comes right back. I won't go into details b/c I'm sure I'm just repeating the same thing over and over again ... must be frustrating.

But I am going away this weekend (I described the feelings in my post from yesterday) and am very worried about the anxiety taking over and feeling scard and alone when I am away.

Please, can anybody offer any helpful words of advice or comfort?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 10:09am

Maribeth,


Just from the posts that I've read from you I really think that you need to start focusing more on YOU! Less on your bf and you feelings having to do with him. Only you can help yourself and I'm betting that if you start taking more care of yourself and less time thinking about you bf then it will all start to fall into place. Start thinking about you and how you cam better yourself.


In the beginning for me I expected the medicine to work miracles and do all the work for me. Slowly I have learned that I also have to take responsibility for my actions and thoughts. I have begun to tell myself that

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2005
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 10:51am

Hi Heather -

Thanks so much for responding ... It's good to know that people are out there that are willing to talk to me.

I do agree with you that I need to do more things for myself and be more confident in myself and independent with my thoughts and actions. I've decided to unfairly blame all of these feelings of anxiety on my BF/relationship without any reason. Although that may be a result of the anxiety, you're absolutely right - it's my job to make myself stop that and make sure that I have good days.

I must say, though, that I'm really worried about getting anxious this weekend ... It's like I worry about worrying or get anxious about being anxious ... Yuck! ... I have to make myself realize that it is not my BF that is making me anxious ... There is no reason for me to be anxious around him. I am making myself anxious ... I'm doing this to myself.
And, I know that if I need him, he will be there for me. I just hope it goes okay and I don't get that horrible feeling of being "stuck".

How are you feeling? I hope you rest up and feel much better so you can enjoy your weekend with your blessed family. And it is so nice of you to still be willing to talk to me even when you are feeling so sick ... I truly appreciate it!

Feel better ... Let me know if you feel like chatting at all today ...

MBT

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 11:35am

Hi Maribeth,


I am sorry. I just reread my post and I feel as though I was harsh with you. That was not my intention at all, I was just trying to share the things that have helped me.


I will try to chat later. I have to bring my other son to the Dr today and I have no idea how I'm going to get out of bed and do that. I feel as though i have a major case of the flu.. I am having a hard time. I feel so out of it and I am afraid that its anxiety again and in reality I know that when someone is so sick with a fever they feel out of it anyway. Just having a hard, not only do i feel sick but I also feel out of it.


Anyway, I will try to chat later if not hopefully I will make it tonight.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2005
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 12:11pm

It's okay, Heather ... What you said was true.

I feel like I've already frustrated and annoyed most of the people on the board ... I think my posts are repetitive, but that's my biggest problem that I struggle with ... I have the SAME bad thoughts over and over again and they won't go away ... sometimes more come, but they just get added on to the old ones that STAY there and won't go away ...

I know that I have to help myself ... medicine and therapists will make things better ... but I control my own destiny. Instead of letting the anxiety control me, I have to make more of an effort to control it. And I have to understand that won't happen overnight or even in a week's time ...

I just wish I had more support in my life right now from my family and friends. I'm embarrassed to talk about it with others - that's why this board seemed so perfect for me - like a gift from God that I found it. It's so nice to know that there are people out there that understand what I'm going through and I'd like to get to know everybody enough to be able to help them to through my faith and experiences. Like we've said over and over again, it's hard for people that haven't felt this anxiety to really know what it's like. My BF and family try to understand and be patient, and that's all I can ask for, but they really don't get the extent of it.

Hopefully I can start to fit in better on the board and to have the strength to control my own thoughts.

Thank you so much for responding to me, again ... I'll continue to keep you and your sons in my thoughts this afternoon and wish you the best of luck at the doctor's office ... If you need anything, please let me know!

Maribeth

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 12:33pm

Maribeth,


People are not sick of you. When I first came to the board I posted more then you. I was the same way and at that time that what I needed.


I still have a hard time everyday and its so great that we have the board and each other to lean on. Therapist are also great, at least mine is. SHe told me that it will take months for me to really feel better, she is confident that I will.


Talk later

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 3:48pm

You are NOT alone, Maribeth! We have all been exactly where you are. Our anxiety was just as intense & we were just as scared that we wouldn't get better. Maybe we didn't have a relationship fear, but we all had different fears that were uncontrollable. In my case, I was terrified to allow my kids to leave my sight for fear I would never see them again. I had no real scenario in my head, like a car accident, but it was just as life like as yours & I was all doom & gloom.


Take the bull by the horns, Maribeth. Replace the scary thoughts with positive ones. The weekend will be sabotaged by *you* before you leave the house. Don't allow that to happen. What have you done today to keep active & divert your mind from these irrational thoughts? I went to the dentist. I hate the dentist!

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2005
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 4:05pm

Thank you ... that was so helpful.

I'm almost done with my workday and have a busy evening planned ... my BF and I are going to dinner at his best friend's parent's home and then we are going to go to a going away party for my best friend :-(

So I will have to find time to pack later, and, yes, find my best outfits ... Although I'm quite nervous about wearing a bathing suit in front of his family and brother ...

Then off we go tomorrow afternoon ... I know it will be great ... I've never been to CT before and love spending time with his family. I think I'm just worried b/c I've felt so anxious around him recently (like I'm scared to be with him or something), but I must admit it is getting better. Once I get going I'll be fine. It's the anticipation that kills me. The thought of leaving my comfort zone (What if I wake up anxious at his family's house??)

Well, thanks again for the great advice. Hopefully I'll get to talk to somebody tomorrow before I leave.

Have a great night and again ... CAN'T THANK YOU GUYS ENOUGH!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 7:44pm

I'm going to New London, CT this weekend - which part of CT are you visiting?? I'm nervous, too, that is normal for us "anxious" types. I'm not even thinking about it or letting it bring me down. I'll deal with it as it happens. I'm bringing magazines for the car ride, to occupy my mind and my xanax:) just in case the magazines don't do the trick. I try to sleep most of the way, it's over 800 miles each way for us.

Sheri Ann

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 8:58pm

Heather,

What kind of devotional do you read? I used to read one, but they changed their format, and I didn't like it. So, I never did find another one.

Renee

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 9:10pm
I read Grace for the Moment by Max lucado and Quiet Moments with God by Lloyd John Ogilvie- I LOVE the 2nd one. I seem to read that one most often and dh prefers that other one.
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