Why do people not understand or try to?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Why do people not understand or try to?
6
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 7:36pm
I suffer from depression and anxiety. My new boyfriend of several months is having a hard time being supportive. He does not understand why I worry so much about things sometimes. He thinks I can just stop worrying. He told me that last night that I could too stop if I wanted to. I am very upset. I know it is hard for others to understand, but it is so frustrating. I went off the Lexapro as it was really not helping and I recently became in between insurance and the cost without it I just cannot afford right now. I really care for this man, but his insensitivity is really getting to me. I cannot just turn it off. I wish I could. I am fixing to move, my son is at his dad's for 30 days, my stepdad's cancer is back, etc. I could go on and on but all of these things stay on my mind and will not go away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 8:50pm

I wonder if you could try another medication, but this time, a generic to alleviate the cost. I know credit cards aren't the best option, but it could serve as a safety net to absorb that cost until you can get back on with your insurance. Are you currently seeing a therapist?

One thing I found that really helped in the beginning was to bring my husband with me to therapy. Once I started doing that, it was like a light went off. He understood before, but that was with information coming from me. This time, he was hearing it straight from the expert. It takes a certain amount of openness to feel comfortable bringing your significant other, and I still feel awkward sometimes in therapy, but more and more I feel good that he's there, because he can see it--and he gets it.

That's just my two cents. I wish you the best. Just breathe.

Kendra

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 9:03pm
Hi Sounds like you have a ton of stress going on!! You surely do not need
the added stress of someone telling you to "just stop worrying!!!"
He does not have it or get it! I would leave around some short articles
for him to read or if he will go to therapy with you by all means take him!
I wonder if you are going to therapy since you do not have insurance??
Last visit my therapist suggested that I let some things go------
especially the things I can do nothing about! This is very hard for me
to do- I react to negative things very strongly! I am learning to seperate
my stresses into categories and only worry about the BIGGIES! I also
set aside a "worry time" this is the ONLY time I have to think about
my problems it is 20 minutes a day! If I think about a problem at another
time I force myself to stop! This is hard to do but I am now able to distract
myself better! I never realized how much time I spent worrying!!
Now I have more time to do things I enjoy!! I hope this helps and I am
not saying your problems are not severe but thinking of them constantly
will bring you down!! Take care, Judy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 9:12pm

I don't think some people will ever understand. My husband tried to, but he never did, until he developed anxiety himself. Now he certainly understands! I like Kendra's advice, with having him come with you to the counselor's. I don't know if you go to one, or would even want him there, if you do, though. Can you try explaining to him that anxiety or depression is kind of like a disease, and that you can't help it any more than you would be able to help having a virus or other disease?

Possibly someone on this board can recommend a good book on this?

We are also in-between insurance, and my husband's unemployment is running out. I can totally understand that situation. It's a horrible feeling to feel like you can't afford to pay for your medicine. Sam's club here offers some kind of a discount. Also, sometimes when you contact the medicine's manufacturer directly, they can help. And there is always asking the doctor for samples, especially for a newer drug like Lexapro. How long were you on it? It does take several weeks to work.

I'm sorry you are having a very tough time with things. Please keep posting on here. We want to listen and help!

Renee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 10:50pm

Hi! Nice to see you on the board. You are not alone. Many of us have dealt with

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 3:56pm

Hi there!


It really is so hard for some people to understand anxiety.


Remind your boyfriend that this is something that you cannot control, it is a chemical imbalance, not something that you can turn on and off. Maybe, as other people suggested you can have him go to thearpy with you.


Good luck and GBU


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 11:50pm
Thanks to everyone who responded to my post. Things are somewhat better. He is trying to understand. I have talked to his mother about it and she has dealt with it herself before so she understands and that has helped a lot. Day by day I go!