Insensitive Comments (long, sorry)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Insensitive Comments (long, sorry)
15
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 8:43pm

Tomorrow I'm leaving for a trip to see relatives in New York State, and all of a sudden I'm not really looking forward to it because of something my aunt said that is replaying in my head. I'm feeling very hurt tonight, but I suppose the replaying is the GAD part of me. Let me back up a bit ...

A few weeks ago I'd e-mailed her to find out her schedules, and I said I was unsure when to visit a cousin who lived a three-hour drive from her. I'm only staying w/my aunt for a couple of days. I extended that stay because I usually stay a shorter length of time. Now, it turns out that everyone is working, so I might just be sitting on the computer during the day on Thursday (I'll be there Wednesday and Thursday before driving to my cousin's house in Buffalo).

Anyway, she had written back and discouraged me from visiting him, saying that I should relax and think of myself and the baby, because the long drive isn't easy. I got mad, vented to a few people (not her, though), thought about it, then wrote back with the date that I'd be seeing my cousin. I added that I am relaxing because I'm staying in New York for a week. Once I get to my other aunt's house (which is the area where most of my relatives reside), I'll be there for five days.

She never wrote back. Fine. So I called her tonight to check in and confirm that I am flying in tomorrow night. It's late, and I did goof because I thought my husband worked. He doesn't. Anyway, she didn't realize it was tomorrow (even though I had sent the itinerary a month ago). But then she asked, "Are you still going to visit your cousin?" I told her yes, I was, and said I wouldn't be seeing his wife at my baby shower over the weekend (she has to work). She went on and on about how she can't believe I am doing that, how my uncle agrees with her, and--here's the kicker--that I am crazy and not thinking of myself by doing this.

Now, I haven't posted about this, but since Sunday, I have been trying to be aware of my reactivity and trying not to, well, react. So, I laughed and said, "I feel fine. It's OK." I let her go on and on. I let her be the Italian meddling aunt, etc., and after some niceties, we ended the call.

But now, I am fuming. You know what else she said? She basically compared my cousin to my husband and said that if the roles were reversed, my cousin wouldn't have let his wife drive the distance. LET?! Yeah, whatever.

Bottom line: I'm feeling hurt, guilty, and even a little nervous about visiting tomorrow. I don't feel as welcome as I am accustomed to feeling. I was going to ask her if she needed help at the salon (she owns a salon--which my dad helped finance, but anyway). Yes, I am 20 weeks pregnant. OK, I have gained 14 pounds. However! I have not had any complications. The worst I ever got was a fainting spell in the first trimester, but I am so fine it is unbelievable. I swim, I do yoga, I just finished walking miles and miles in DC over the weekend. It just sucks because you know what I was once worried about? Hearing from my brother. He and I had two really good conversations this week, so I was all, "OK! Cool! now I can really enjoy my vacation." Then this.

Thanks for letting me vent. I know I don't know a lot of you that well, but I do appreciate it.

Kendra

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2004
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 4:01pm
Hey Kendra-I am sorry your aunt is acting so insensitive. It sounds like she should stop and think before she spouts off comments. (I know ppl like this too, It is hard to overlook the comments, but I just have to force myself to, or I get too upset) But I just have to say, You are not crazy! You already know that! And that was very rude of her to say that.IMHO! As for driving to your cousins, I think you should just do what feels right for you, and ignore her opinion. You know what you and baby feel up to doing. All I can say is take care of you, and try to relax,have a good time and enjoy yourself with your relatives. It sounds like you were really looking forward to going, so I would just try to put your mind-set back to the excitement and fun of the trip. Maybe I will hear from you doing the week since some of your relatives will be working while you are staying with them. (This is too bad they couldn't take some time off to spend with you) HAVE A FUN & SAFE TRIP! Don't let anyone ruin it for you. I will miss u! Looking forward to hearing all about your fun trip when you get back! hugs,shasta
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 4:33pm

Thanks, Shasta (is this the same shastagold?). You're right. My aunt does have a computer, so I'll probably log on for a bit. :) I talked to my cousin in Buffalo, and the baby just has an ear infection and is already getting better, so I'm all clear to visit. It'll be fun. I'm looking forward to blasting some Mozart in the car (for the baby's benefit) and making it a good drive.

I will definitely be in touch when I get back, though. :)

Hugs,
Kendra

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 4:44pm
yep, It is shastagold here! I don't know what is going on with my computer, but it keeps changing my membername (I think the shasta1990 is an old sign-on I had)!!!! Computers can be so much fun! LOL! Anyways, Have a great time, and I will talk to you soon! Keep Smilin' :0D Your Friend, shasta
Avatar for atober
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 8:56am

Why do people think pregnancy is an illness? It is a condition, I guess, but definitely not an illness. You do need to take care of yourself but are not disabled. I had a very stressful family problem going on when I was pregnant with my first DD and people kept telling me to relax even when I was not feeling bad or anxious. Only you know how the travelling makes you feel. Go with your gut and the baby will be fine.

Alison

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 10:21am

Hey Kendra,


You obviously got great advice from everyone else. I just wanted to lend my support and let you know that I'm thinking of you.


((HUGS))

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