Hello Anxiety

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Hello Anxiety
10
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 4:55pm

I've been around here in a while. But I'm feeling pretty nervous lately. Stomach bothering me, and I lost 5 pounds, which I needed to lose about 50 more anyway, but...

I'm getting to the point in my marriage where I need to make a decision to end it, and it is stressful.

Just wanted to let you ladies know, and maybe get a words of encouragement. I sure could use it!

Renee :o(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
In reply to: snickybun
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 6:01pm

Hey Renee,


I am sorry to hear that you aren't doing well.


Let me know if I am getting to personl but is the reason you want to leave your husband because he doesn't have a job or I assume that their are many other issues that all together have affected you.


Have you made up your mind 100% or are you not sure?


I really don't have any great words of wisdom.. I wish I did. I don't know if you religious or not but I just found a bible passage that may be of comfort ....


"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: snickybun
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 6:36pm

You have been missed, Renee. I thought that with the job changing situation, you were busy & didn't have time to drop in. I am sorry to hear that ending the marriage is imminent. I know that you have to set some priorities for you & the kids. Always being unsettled can't be good for your anxiety. That must be very hard on you. It's no wonder you have physical symptoms. Please stay safe & keep well. You're always welcome here in good times & bad. No magic words for you from my end, but I sure hope you can get the life you deserve. You're a strong, independent woman. You CAN make it on your own. Sending P&PT's your way. (((hugs))) jan




 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
In reply to: snickybun
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 6:43pm

Renee, Im so sorry your anxiety is bothering you again. it's hard to think of anything to say right now, but just try to stay strong and don't let this anxiety take over your life. as for your marriage, I know you'll make the right decision, as hard as it may seem. your own

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
In reply to: snickybun
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 7:43pm

I'm glad you are back, Renee, and that you're sharing with us. You may say you need to lose weight, but please eat healthfully and don't starve yourself. I know that's easier said than done when you're not feeling so well.

Just know we're here for you whatever you decide about your marriage. Many hugs to you. Keep posting.

Kendra

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
In reply to: snickybun
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 10:54pm

Hi Heather,

No, it isn't just the job thing. It's really a long story, but it started with him mentally and verbally abusing the kids and I, for years. He also had an anger problem. In Dec 2003, I filed for divorce and moved out with the boys. He begged for another chance, so I moved back in two months later. I was afraid to really try at first, didn't think he could really change. Well, in July 2004 I recommitted to really trying, and he went for anger management and counseling. His anger and abuse did get better.

But, the problem is, all the years of abuse killed my love for him. I tried to get it back, but I can't. I couldn't get over how someone could say they love me, and treat me like that. Then, he lost his job Sept 2004. He didn't look for a job at all. I put resumes in for him, online. He was very depressed. In January, he was hospitalized for depression. He got a job right upon getting out. But he didn't get along with the manager, and lost that job this May 2005. Again, he didn't look for a job. Now he is stuck taking on a truck driving job that will keep him on the road 75% of the time the first year and a half.

He still tries to be controlling sometimes, and when I object, because I have grown and changed, he says I am "defiant." I've done the work on me, and he hasn't. He still goes to anger management, but stopped the counseling.

I just feel like I pretend to be happy, and I'm not. I try to be the wife he wants, but I can't, anymore. I struggled a long time with whether the idea that I needed to be happy was selfish, but then again, I can't see myself with him for another 20 years, or 40, etc.

Yes, I am religious. I don't think I could get through any of this without God. God is why I continued to try, even after my logical side said it was done. Thank you for the quote! I think I blabbed enough. Whew.

Renee

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
In reply to: snickybun
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 11:03pm

Thanks Jan, Mia and Kendra, for the kind words and advice. Kendra, I will try to eat beter. :o) My anxieties are a little better tonight. I appreciate your concern, I really do!

Renee

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
In reply to: snickybun
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 9:01am

Renee, My heart goes out to you. I know that getting a divorce was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I kept putting it off, but knew that I didn't want my children to grow up with him as a role model. We have managed to stay friends, which made it easier on us all. Once your husband is on the road with his new job, you will get a taste of freedom & independence. I think this will make it easier for you to file for divorce. Take care of you & the children first.

Sheri Ann

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
In reply to: snickybun
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 6:28pm

Sheri Ann,

Thanks bunches. Your words of encouragement, and everyones, do help me. I think you are right, about me liked the independence when he is gone. I hope I can go through with this - - I need to!

Renee

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: snickybun
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 8:24pm
Renee My thoughts and prayers are with you!
You have made a decision it seems---
you know what is best for you and your children
I pray for your strength to carry through!!
GB- Judy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
In reply to: snickybun
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 9:12pm

Judy,

Thank you. It was not an easy decision to make. In fact, it tooks years, and hurt a lot. I think in the long run, we will all be better off. Time will tell.

Renee