Possible trigger--sad, family stuff

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Possible trigger--sad, family stuff
1
Fri, 08-05-2005 - 1:58pm

Here it comes again ... I don't know if crying is the start of an anxiety attack, but damn.

I cannot believe I am staying with these people August 20-25 (my parents). I still react to the "ill communication" going on.

Here's the most recent example.

My mom's dog, Demi, died last week. I was disappointed that my father never told me, because I had spoken with him the day before my mom told me.

So he just called to discuss the money Alex and I are borrowing from him, and he said, "Your mom has been very closed-mouthed about this, but Demi's dead."

I said, "Oh, I know. She told me last Sunday. I was surprised that you didn't say anything."

He said, "I didn't know. Aldo (my brother) told me."

I said, "You all live in the same house. How do you not know?" (The dogs are usually in the family room, while my dad is always in the living room. My mom is in the family room most of the time. They're just so together, right?)

Then he said, "Oh, you gotta be kidding me. That's a laugh."

I just said, "OK."

Shortly thereafter, we ended the call, and I started to cry. I think I just hate hearing the affirmation from him that the communication is nil. It sucks. I used to try to change it, but that became a dangerous obsession that made me pretty darn sick. So, I try to accept, but today I feel just too weak to cope anymore. I'm so tired of it. I want to yell and scream at him that he just gave up, but 1.) We're borrowing money from him, and 2.) Well, yeah, we're borrowing money from him.

I swear to God, after she passes away (if she goes first), I'm telling him everything I think and have thought of this. I had said stuff before, but it was usually accompanied by a nervous breakdown. This time, I will put it all on the table.

And yeah, I'm just so sure he'll be supportive. He doesn't understand that it's typical for a person like my mom to push certain others away. She's paranoid about him. It's the illness. The thing is, he gave UP! He gave up, and there is nothing I can do about it.

I'm just very sad today. I don't want my daughter to be around that. And if I ever returned to meds, I don't want the reason to be because I can't handle hearing that, because hello! That won't ever go away--it's my reaction to it that should go away.

Kendra

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 08-05-2005 - 8:47pm
Hey Kendra-I am so sorry you are having a sad kinda day. I have them too sometimes.
I hope your day is going better by this time you get this.
And that you and dh are enjoying some time together, I know that will help lots to take your mind off of your folks. Please email me if you want to talk,maybe we can set-up a time to meet in the chatroom?
I am thinking of you. Sending you big hugs! shasta