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| Sat, 08-06-2005 - 4:27pm |
Well as per my last post I have been going thru abit of bump in the road. Ok a huge bump. The loss of a 2 good friends and my support person, my relapse with my agora for about 3mths ago i think..for the first time in gosh knows how long I was going to small stores!!!! then one day..i was walking and wham..a really really bad PA hit and I couldn't shake it on the way there. I stopped, tried to calm, popped a xanax but couldn't shake it and fled home.
There's been other things to that has gone on that has caused stress. So I guess it has taken a toll on me. Esp. loosing my support person...and a dear friend. etc. I want to beat this, I want to keep going..and i will. ..So here I am trying as hard as it is to reach out and take that risk again. For as someone pointed out to me ( ;) ) not all are like that.
Had a bad day yesturday. Felt really alone., anx. was up etc. I reached out and emailed someone here :). Even tho i did not get an instant response lol which is OK!!!!!!!! When i did today it got me thinking..as well as i was doing thinking. Regardless..I have a choice..to give up..or keep going. I am choosing keep going.
Sooo today for the first time in mths I gathered all my energy and strength, grabbedmy watter, xanax and cell and headed out the door to try and make it to the spot that I had that BAD pa that set me back. Well..I DID IT!!!!!!!!! I was indeed very anxious. Not in a pa mode and I knew I couldn't go farther without indeed having one, so i stopped at that spot and breathed. Turned around and slowly walked back to my apartment. Was it hard? YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i did it. and even tho it took alot out of me, for i feel sleepy and kinda wiped out, I did something instead of nothing.
Now its not always going to be this easy..I know this. Yet i know i gotta keep at those baby steps NO MATTER WHAT. Now to keep this attitude lolol. Darn..this is a hard disorder to get over..but day by day...minute by minute..and step by step...
Thank you all
((hugs)) jen

I am proud of you! Facing the fear is the hardest
thing to do- and YOU DID IT!!!
Be proud of yourself and remember your strength!
Take care, Judy
That was a big step for you, Jen. A real positive! I am very proud of you & wish you continued success. jan
Jen, that is so great! Everyday I say I am going to walk across the street to a house that is empty & back and everyday I get myself so worked up thinking about it that I can't! I did walk next door today, that was a first, but I want to cross the street and go farther. Don't give in to the anxiety, you're already making great progress!
Sheri Ann
Sheri Ann
Thank you all!!! :)
Today I struggled and didn't make it that far. I did however go out around my building a few times today.
Wierd how some days u feel more at ease..and others not..Hard to understand lol
Yet at least i went out..even if it was just for oh..25 mins all together..sigh lol
trying....
((hugs)) jen
What i do is try going as far as you can..before the /a PA hits..then go home. Next day repeat..etc..then as u become comfy at that spot..go a bit further etc. That is how I got myself outside again since the 'big move'.
Good for you. Thank you for the inspiring message. You give me hope to fight through the anxiety. Sometimes I don't think I can function.
Jen, I took your advice & went for a walk, although I did bring dh along. As soon as I started to cross the street, I was shaking. I went over to the house across the street & looked in all the windows (it's empty) and checked out the back yard. I barely made it home. Then my dd came over & I went over again with her, did the same thing and felt fine. Getting there was hard, but once I was in their yard I was fine. I'm going to do it again tomorrow. I can see what you mean about going a little farther each time and feeling at ease with it.
Sheri Ann
Sheri Ann
Some days are easier that is for sure I
think it must be the chemicals serotonin??
Whatever keep up the GOOD WORK!!
Soon you will be walking all over the place!
Take care all, Judy
Thank you all
I'm sorry i haven't been back. I got sick with a bad headcold and just wasn't up to nothing. Now I'm slowly starting to get that wicked pms creeping in blah.
anyways..still struggling lol..and i haven't been out like that since then due to feeling blah lol..
i'm still trying to keep my chin up ..it's hard...anyhow ty all again.
I wish you all well.
((hugs)) jen
Edited 8/22/2005 6:34 pm ET ET by jl03