Today

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Today
8
Sat, 08-06-2005 - 4:27pm

Well as per my last post I have been going thru abit of bump in the road. Ok a huge bump. The loss of a 2 good friends and my support person, my relapse with my agora for about 3mths ago i think..for the first time in gosh knows how long I was going to small stores!!!! then one day..i was walking and wham..a really really bad PA hit and I couldn't shake it on the way there. I stopped, tried to calm, popped a xanax but couldn't shake it and fled home.

There's been other things to that has gone on that has caused stress. So I guess it has taken a toll on me. Esp. loosing my support person...and a dear friend. etc. I want to beat this, I want to keep going..and i will. ..So here I am trying as hard as it is to reach out and take that risk again. For as someone pointed out to me ( ;) ) not all are like that.

Had a bad day yesturday. Felt really alone., anx. was up etc. I reached out and emailed someone here :). Even tho i did not get an instant response lol which is OK!!!!!!!! When i did today it got me thinking..as well as i was doing thinking. Regardless..I have a choice..to give up..or keep going. I am choosing keep going.

Sooo today for the first time in mths I gathered all my energy and strength, grabbedmy watter, xanax and cell and headed out the door to try and make it to the spot that I had that BAD pa that set me back. Well..I DID IT!!!!!!!!! I was indeed very anxious. Not in a pa mode and I knew I couldn't go farther without indeed having one, so i stopped at that spot and breathed. Turned around and slowly walked back to my apartment. Was it hard? YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i did it. and even tho it took alot out of me, for i feel sleepy and kinda wiped out, I did something instead of nothing.

Now its not always going to be this easy..I know this. Yet i know i gotta keep at those baby steps NO MATTER WHAT. Now to keep this attitude lolol. Darn..this is a hard disorder to get over..but day by day...minute by minute..and step by step...

Thank you all

((hugs)) jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: jl03
Sat, 08-06-2005 - 5:42pm
Jen You have a lot of courage and strength!
I am proud of you! Facing the fear is the hardest
thing to do- and YOU DID IT!!!
Be proud of yourself and remember your strength!
Take care, Judy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: jl03
Sat, 08-06-2005 - 9:34pm

That was a big step for you, Jen. A real positive! I am very proud of you & wish you continued success. jan




 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
In reply to: jl03
Sat, 08-06-2005 - 9:58pm

Jen, that is so great! Everyday I say I am going to walk across the street to a house that is empty & back and everyday I get myself so worked up thinking about it that I can't! I did walk next door today, that was a first, but I want to cross the street and go farther. Don't give in to the anxiety, you're already making great progress!

Sheri Ann

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: jl03
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 3:44pm

Thank you all!!! :)

Today I struggled and didn't make it that far. I did however go out around my building a few times today.

Wierd how some days u feel more at ease..and others not..Hard to understand lol

Yet at least i went out..even if it was just for oh..25 mins all together..sigh lol

trying....

((hugs)) jen

What i do is try going as far as you can..before the /a PA hits..then go home. Next day repeat..etc..then as u become comfy at that spot..go a bit further etc. That is how I got myself outside again since the 'big move'.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
In reply to: jl03
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 3:53pm

Good for you. Thank you for the inspiring message. You give me hope to fight through the anxiety. Sometimes I don't think I can function.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
In reply to: jl03
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 5:36pm

Jen, I took your advice & went for a walk, although I did bring dh along. As soon as I started to cross the street, I was shaking. I went over to the house across the street & looked in all the windows (it's empty) and checked out the back yard. I barely made it home. Then my dd came over & I went over again with her, did the same thing and felt fine. Getting there was hard, but once I was in their yard I was fine. I'm going to do it again tomorrow. I can see what you mean about going a little farther each time and feeling at ease with it.

Sheri Ann

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: jl03
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 8:30pm
HOORAY!! For all you that are trying!!
Some days are easier that is for sure I
think it must be the chemicals serotonin??
Whatever keep up the GOOD WORK!!
Soon you will be walking all over the place!
Take care all, Judy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: jl03
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 6:26pm

Thank you all

I'm sorry i haven't been back. I got sick with a bad headcold and just wasn't up to nothing. Now I'm slowly starting to get that wicked pms creeping in blah.

anyways..still struggling lol..and i haven't been out like that since then due to feeling blah lol..

i'm still trying to keep my chin up ..it's hard...anyhow ty all again.

I wish you all well.

((hugs)) jen




Edited 8/22/2005 6:34 pm ET ET by jl03