it never ends (a little long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
it never ends (a little long)
1
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 2:50pm

Hi there,

I have had such a bad few days with my anxiety. Just when I feel like everything is ok, something so little can trigger an attack. I fear everyone doesn't like me, and I am constantly looking for some reassurance that my relationships are ok. I have no trust that people like me. I am so burnt out and tired. I just want all this anxiety to go away and feel like a normal person. I envy my friends who are so strong and who seem to have it all together. Nothing ever bothers people the way it bothers me. I know I have so many other more important things to focus on (kids, difficult marriage, husband starting new business, father's death) but my mind just keeps going back to my friends and what I could have done to make someone mad or upset. It is a horrible way to live. I just want to crawl into a hole. If it's not this girl, than it is someone else. It's like, who is going to be the focus of my anxiety today?? ridiculous, right!

Today I went to a children's play with all the kids and moms from the preschool class. I thought I was ok until I was left to sit on the end of the row. I know that must sound absurd, but I felt like I was in 7th grade again. I was the one who organized the outing, and i worried the entire time that these girls did not want to be with me or my son. I worried at the end of the show that I had to make sure everyone liked me and that noone was mad at me. My mind ruminates constantly, and I am losing my mind all together.

Sorry to babble, but I have no where else to vent. Thank you to whomever is reading this. I appreciate the time. JD

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 5:07pm

I am sorry to hear this, Jolie): It has happened to many of us. The anxiety bug bites & we're constantly *what iffing* & second guessing even the simplest things. I doubt very much that the other parents chose not to sit by you. That was just the way the seating worked out. If we allow it, the anxiety will creep into all areas of our lives & total confidence will be lost. Don't allow that to happen. Replace negative & fearful thinking with positive thoughts.


BTW, if I had a penny for every time you, others on the board & even myself thought we were *losing it,* I would be a millionaire. You are NOT alone in these sorts of thoughts. Once again, the mind plays tricks on us. You need to trick it back by keeping it occupied. Some people make grocery lists, add or subtract big numbers, name the 50 states or get physical. Cleaning, walking, working out to get the *feel good* hormones flowing in your bloodstream will work.


I like you & we haven't even met:) I am sure you are liked by others. Anxiety can wear away the foundation of our confidence. That can lead into depression. I don't know about you personally, but are you taking meds? Do they need tweaked? Any therapy? Sometimes we need more outside help than we can give ourselves. Please post anytime. There's plenty of typing space provided for you to vent. That's what we're here for. We care & want you to get your life back. It is possible. Sending P&PT's your way. (((hugs))) jan