On The Verge
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| Mon, 08-08-2005 - 3:36pm |
Hi Everyone. I have not posted in a while. I started having anxiety last year in Sept after having a big attack due to dehydration. I was a mess for many months. I am a worrier about medical problems and about going crazy. I also have some OCD.
I got on Zoloft last year in November and my last big attack with physical symptoms where I shake and totally lose control was Dec 23 so I am happy for that. The med has helped a lot but the 100mg was a bit too much so in March I went down to 50mg and that has been working good...until about 3 - 4 weeks ago and I do not know why.
I keep feeling like it is coming back to get me but have no idea why. I have this up and down feeling all day. I cannot stand it. It is like I have a radar on in my head that is looking to see if I am ok every minute. It drives me crazy. I have been extra forgetful with short term memory too. I have OCD so I tend to remember things very well because I memorize things - always have, so forgetting what I just said or what I just did or what someone said to me bothers me a lot. Before when it got bad, I went down from 100mg to 50mg bec I read that Zoloft can cause memory loss. Then I was much better for a while, and now this. I am going to talk to the doc on Aug 15 and see what she thinks about the dosage.
I am getting that all alone feeling too like I am truly the only person that gets the "weird feeling" without any trigger at all.
I have vivid dreams that make no sense. I worry myself sick over every bump or mark on my skin, but I have done better with that.
The forgetfullness bothers me a lot and this constant checking of my mind bothers me. I have even felt dizzy a few times lately but I think that was due to sinus build up and a migraine I had, which went away after I took my pill for that like I am supposed to.
I just feel all weird and uneasy and something really odd happened the other day. I am very much into fitness and have good cardio endurance. I have asthma and have had it since I was 3, so I know how to manage it. I took my younger half sister to a waterpark the other day and we swam together out into the 10 foot water section. I felt a bit worn out when I reached the rope but was able to swim back. I should have stopped there. But, I was thinking that it was odd how I got so winded and felt so worn out since I exercise a lot. It kind of made me upset I guess. So, I made a big mistake. I went out and did it again, only this time I could not make it back. I do not think it was my asthma because it simply felt like my chest caved in and I could no longer swim. I did not cramp up in my arms or legs so I do not have a clue what happened. I totally panicked. I saw a man on a tube and asked if I could grab on. Luckily he was nice and let me and that helped a little but he could not pull us back to shore so I had to raise up on his tube suddenly (boy did that feel stupid) because I could not breathe at all almost. His son was behind me and he had his son give me his tube so I could swim to the side and get out. The kid did and I made it to the ladder and talked to the lifeguard. After that mess, my heart was racing and that weird feeling came. I felt awful. I did get back into the water later but just floated in the shallow end. I did not want to allow myself to avoid the water. I even did a slide once more into shallow water.
Bottom line is - now I am checking my breathing and that is bad because I exercise hard every day and do not want to let that become something I hate due to this new fear of mine. I am still replaying that incident in my head too and trying to figure out why it happened. Exercise is something I have really worked hard to build up my endurance in and it helps keep my mind on the safe side so I don't want to lose that.

Hi, Kim! Nice to see you again. Sure wish it was under better circumstances.
I can assure you that you are NOT alone. This is the anxiety plain & simple. When I have a really bad PA & it hits me too fast to get my belly breathing & positive thoughts in place, I believe I am dying. I believe that things aren't real & I am losing it. I'll feel scared & discombobulated for a couple weeks. I am a great one for taking my pulse to make certain, my heart's still beating!
Thanks for responding Jan. I am glad I am not alone in this. The last month or so has been strange. I have not had any big attacks, except for what happened at the waterpark, if that was an attack, but it is like I have that uneasy feeling quite a bit. I am trying to squash it, and sometimes I can, but not always. I keep thinking about my med and wondering what I should do. Maybe I need to go back to 100mg, but maybe not, and then I think what if the med is making me worse since I got to feeling a lot more evened out when I went down from 100 to 50. But then I think of how scary it would be to decrease the med to 25 and then end up all messed up again and have to take several weeks to build up the full dosage again. I will talk to my family doc about all that Monday when I see her for my med checkup. I have not seen her since Oct when I was put on the med. I was supposed to see her in 6 months but my schedule did not work out. I did call the office and tell her that I went down to 50 and was doing okay and she felt it was ok to call me in the refills without seeing me. But, I am on my last refill and I am not sure what to do so I am going to see her Monday. I just have so much worry and fear of this all coming back. I know I have done much better and felt more normal for months now, but I just can't seem to shake this feeling.
Kim