Associations
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| Wed, 08-10-2005 - 8:36am |
Hi Everyone. Last year in Sept-Oct-Nov-Dec I was at my worst with the anxiety, depression, and just feeling very uneasy and not myself. Things improved over the course of Jan-Feb-Mar, and then got close to normal April through now except for some anticipation anxiety over the last month. I am finding myself thinking back to those really bad times last year and it is like I can just think of it and it be like yesterday. The feeling comes back real strong and I am starting to make these stupid associations. Like I love the Fall time of year so I was looking at some festivals and thinking about things I like to do in the Fall and then suddenly it is like a cloud came over my head and I got that awful feeling inside reminding me of how I felt last year in the Fall when I was at my worst. I went to this apple festival that I go to every year and had this major attack and felt miserable so now I am thinking about the festival this year and I have this terrible feeling about it that I cannot get past. I am not one to stop myself from doing things due to fear, so I will make myself go, but I cannot stand this awful feeling I have every time I think of something that reminds me of that time. I do the same thing with winter and the holidays because I had my last really bad attack Dec 23 and I remember feeling weird all day on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and even back to Thanksgiving. I feel like everything that goes on between Sept - Dec is ruined for me now because of what happened last year. I know that sounds ridiculous but I am having trouble breaking the association.
Anyone else do this to themselves? And does anyone have any advice on how to smash it?
Thanks,
Kim

Blessings, Suz
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