Rejection Fears

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Rejection Fears
6
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 3:39pm

This has always been a major issue for me. I am terrified of rejection by others. I'm nervous about my boob job, I'm scared and I NEED my best friend. Our relationship continues to improve everyday but she is still not ready to talk to

Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 5:19pm

Hi Danielle


I know what fear of rejection is like and I know that I tend to try and make the rejection happen BEFORE it does, so I have a self-fulfilling prophecy.


As hard as it is, please let time take time. Look at the fact that you say things are slowly GETTING BETTER. Pushing her into what you WANT may backfire.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 5:28pm

Thanks Beth, that's great advice with one problem. My surgery is on the 6th and I see no resolution between she & I between now and then. I really need her, she's more like a sister than anything. To boot I messed up my therapy session time this week so I didn't have therapy and won't have it until the 2nd of September. I figured she didn't have anything until the 28th so why not push it a few more days closer to my surgery since I won't see her for at least 2 weeks following my surgery. Due to that

Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 5:52pm
Hi Danielle-I am sorry you are stressing over this fight so much. One thing you said tho is it is improving a little each day with her, so it sounds like she is at least emailing you right? So you are not completely cut-off from each other. And if you are emailing each other, and your surgery isn't til the 6th, alot can happen between now and then...
I agree with Beth, if you push her too much, it could backfire....Just like I told you about my friend in and earlier post, When I disagreed with her,she pushed and pushed to get me to do what she wanted(which was not what I wanted to do) until eventually I had to tell her politely to back-off...Which did hurt her I am sure, but I needed some space from her at the time. This didn't mean I didn't still care and love her.
As I am sure your bf still loves and cares for you too, especially if she is still in contact with you! :0D I think that is a postive thing that she is emailing.
If you email her back, you might just tell her what you said in your post to the board-That you understand her feelings, and apologize for not supporting her. (I mean, even if you feel you were supportive, wouldn't it be better just to swallow your pride, and apologize?) I wouldn't let a situation like this ruin your friendship.
But you might give her some space, if you feel she needs it. Also let her know you care and she means the world to you. And I am no expert,by any means,these are just some things I have learned being on the opposite side of where you are at.
Maybe some of the other gals will chime in, and give you some other ideas too!
Do what feels comfortable for you and please let us know how it goes. hugs, shasta
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 6:39pm

You both are absolutely right and that is why I have choosen not to say anything at this point. Yes, things are getting better, we're emailing. What I find odd is that we are emailing about personal stuff, health, finances etc yet she isn't ready to talk to me. Sadly her schedule looks pretty booked well into Sept. so I'm just going to have to go about this way I always have and I also do need to remember that I do have dh & my other friend so i'll just have to lean on them if I need more support.


Thanks for replying, I appreciate it. It's always good to know that I'm on the right track.


p.s We've already gone through the apology phase of the fight so that is one step in the right direction : )


Hugs & Prayers,



Danielle


Hysterectomy & Alternatives


Host of Tuesday Night Anxiety, Panic & Phobia's Chat 7 - 9 pm MST


"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." --Unknown


The first site below was done for me by

Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 9:13pm
That is great that you have gotten thru the apology faze. For me & my friend, we just kinda don't talk about what happened...For me, I'm still a little bitter, because of things she said about my dh, but I figure, how much does that really matter in the 'big picture'? I know she hurts me, but I don't want to hurt her, if that makes any sense (yah, I am a weiner! I don't like confrontations...)
I know she still thinks our dispute was about how I was handling my anxiety, when really it was her talking trash about my dh and trying to push me around (which I never have told her that)...But for me, it was just best to put the past in the past.
And at least we are still friends :0D
And you know what? Do rely on your dh, your other bf (might even be a good chance for you 2 to get even closer!) and don't forget to rely on your friends here!
We care, and will always be here for you! <3
Relationships are hard sometimes, but aren't we glad we have them? :0D
Hang In There! And keep us posted, I know it will work out!
hugs,shasta
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 9:32pm

I can realy on my dh although he isn't a woman but then maybe that doesn't matter. The night before my hyster I broke down in tears, crying I was afraid to die on the table. He reminded me that I had been through worse (bowel obstruction) and I would do just fine through the hyster too.


Jackie is totally amazing. We have been friends 3 short years now and sadly we have a better connection in some ways than I do w/ my 20 yr friend. There is just an odd connection w/ Jackie. We do the finishing sentences thing or saying the same thing at the same time which my other friend & I almost never if ever do. Jackie is going for her hyster this week so I've been her support system through that for her since i've already btdt. She is scared but knows that it will better her life and while my surgery is cosmetic it too will better my life.


I'm very lucky to have dh & Jackie, They're an amazing support system but like I said before that doesn't eliminate them from the "rejection" fear. My other friend has always been great too, at least until this fight. She & I are both stubborn. I told her that I was sorry I hurt her but not sorry about anything I said. Time is all I can depend on with her. I firmly believe that what is meant to be will be.


Hugs & Prayers,



Danielle


Hysterectomy & Alternatives


Host of Tuesday Night Anxiety, Panic & Phobia's Chat 7 - 9 pm MST


"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." --Unknown


The first site below was done for me by

Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,