help (kinda long.
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| Sun, 08-21-2005 - 11:08am |
Hi there, it's me again. I hope I am not being annoying, because I feel like I just keep dumping on everyone. Right now my anxiety level is so high. I decided to write it down, because maybe then you all could help me put a reason on it.
I just got off the phone with a friend of mine. Our sons our good friends from preschool. She was telling me how she had a playdate with another friend of ours named Stephanie. She was telling me all about the playdate, and I started to feel very anxious and left out. I have been trying to make a playdate with Steph for a while now. I know it is ok for people to have playdates without me and my son. Why do I care? Why do I feel left out? I try not to project my own insecurities on to my son, but I don't think it is working! I am so very insecure and I always feel like I am annoying people or using up my minutes, as I call it. My friend tells me that friends do not keep score, and what goes around comes around. I know I am a good friend, and I am always there for people 100 percent. That is my problem. I try so damn hard to be there for everyone all the time. Just to make sure everyone likes me. But here is my question...why does this situation trigger such bad anxiety? If I try to get to the bottom of it, I am worried that Steph thinks I am annoying, and doesn't want to be with me. She was very helpful to my when my father passed away (6 weeks ago), and I cried my eyes out to her during a major anxiety attack last week. This is why I feel like she doesn't want to hear my
crap anymore. I always feel like "one vent per customer." I also feel intimidated by her strenght. I think everyone is stronger than me.
I'm a mess. Does anyone know where i can get a labotomy?? Thank you for reading this long and boring message. Love, JD

I feel kinda left out when my 2 neighbor gals are hanging out-and I could think they don't want to invite me along, but I don't, it's really that I didn't happen to be available, or outside when they happened to be. So just know you are a GREAT FRIEND, and are not alone in feeling this way. Are there other mom's at preschool that you could possibly befriend, and have a new playmate for you son,too? You can never have too many friends! ;0) And you are not annoying at all! That is what we are here for.
Let us know how you are doing! HUGS, shasta
Thank you for the support. I really appreciate it. My mind just ruminates, and I always feel so left out. The problem is that I still feel like I did when I was in 7th grade, and how I was never popular or pretty enough. I know, it's stupid, but those hurt feelings never seem to go away. Now that I have children, it takes all my courage and strength not to project my insecurities on to him. I wish I could take this weight off my shoulders. It's really heavy. Thank you again for reading. I truly appreciate the support and advice. I will try my hardest to stay positive. Sometimes it is out of my control. (or so it seems.)
Love, Jolie