Hard Time... (posted in wrong section)
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| Thu, 08-25-2005 - 1:32am |
Ok first off im almost in a full blown panic attack. Im just freaking myself out here my mind is racing a mile a minute. Ok it all started from the breaking up with my g/f from almost 4 years, couldnt come at a worst time when I have all these anxious feelings. So now im depressed and although we still talk and she says she wants to be with me, i feel insecure. I have a trusting issue for some reason with girlfriends, probably has to deal with most of my relationships i have had has ended with a girl cheating on me or leaving me for someone else. Im really in love with my ex and I know she is really in love with me, but she wants more and so do I but for some reason im not allowing it to get there. Im always worried if she is cheating or doing something, because people around here like to spread stories around. Then not only that i feel like my mind is deterotaing cause i feel like im confused alot more and always just jittery i suppose. This break up has really got to me im really hurt. I know its mostly my fault but i dont know how to overcome this trust issue and thats a main factor. Then as im flipping through t.v. I come to see this preview for some posessed girl (true story movie), and I hate that paranormal ideas and thoughts and im just getting worked up over all of that thinking what if it happens to me. I really thought I could talk myself down when I had these feelings but i guess this time I just need to talk about it and let it all out. For me its so much easier for me to talk to women with these problems espically when the men i talk to about my anxiety problem are like "oh just get over it". I need to relieve some stress get rid of some thoughts and calm down I hate these feelings and being depressed is making it so much worse. Thanks for the time for reading over my problems.
p.s. sorry for posting in two sections, i realized i posted in the other section on accident.

I am sorry to hear all this, Kevin. You have been through tough times before & though it may seem impossible @ this moment, you'll get through it again.
I have no advice on your relationship. I am not very good @ figuring things out, even with my own:) I can say that I know how sad you must feel. I remember from before, you sometimes wondered why she was still with you, when you were limited in doing things because of the anxiety. How is that area coming? Up until this point, were you able to get out, drive, do things?
Have you taken any meds or therapy? If not, how have you been coping? What did you use that worked? I know I'll sound like a broken record, but belly breathing is the best thing for me. Also, relaxation exercises, meditation & positive thinking. STAY AWAY from that paranormal stuff or chillers/thrillers, etc. Even the music can creep me out. I am sorry that you happened upon that on the tv. It can feed our anxiety & @ this point you are stressed to the limit.
I read recently & now believe that it's true, trust issues are never about you trusting someone else. YOU cannot trust YOU. Others have posted to the board that they have feared their mate was cheating. It almost becomes an obssessive thought that can't be shaken. I think that you need to find out why you can't trust yourself & project that on others. That might take a therapist. Are you willing to do that? Your problems with trust are alot like my problems with safety. I had a hard time finding where I could be safe. Now, I know that I control my safe places & I can make a safe place anywhere I want. We have alot more control over ourselves than what we think.
I hope you'll keep in touch. I hope you'll allow yourself time to heal. We care & want you to get the good life back. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan
ijanis51@yahoo.com
I am sorry to hear of you relationship problems. I think having anxiety makes us feel that something horrible is about to happen and it seems you have picked the cheating to be that horrible thing. I hope you are treating your anxiety and not letting it ruin what could be a good relationship. I know it is hard sometimes and I wonder why my DH chose to put up with me and still does. Not so well anymore, but I guess a person can only take so much. When I was engaged at a young age I always thought that my fiance was cheating on me. I am still not sure to this day if he didn't. Anyway, I have dealt with my depression and am still dealing with my anxiety and find that I don't have these thoughts about my DH. Maybe because I am older, or because he is not like my ex and he has never given me reason not to trust him. Try not to think like that (easier said than done). And if you do think that, don't tell the person. It is very hard to be suspected of something that you may have never even thought of doing. My ex was always suspicious and I think that they say the suspicion sometimes comes out of guilt which led me to think he was cheating.
Gosh, I am rambling. Sorry to have relayed such a long story but thought it might help. Hopefully something I said will or someone else will have better wisdom. Just know that most of us have BTDT and can at least sympathize if nothing else.
Take care of yourself.
Alison
Thanks for the replies.
Just wanted to answer a few question you posted Jan. I was able to go out and do a different things but alot of times I put things off because I would get nervous. I did do therapy for a while when I had my last episode. No medicines, but maybe I should look into it just incase cause when I do have panic attacks they are really bad. Then I get really depressed, but I coped im not sure exactly I havent really been too anxious since my last episode. I always try to stay away from that paranormal stuff but that one just caught me from surprise and really did a number on me. I really do believe somewhat of what you said about the trusting issue, maybe I do need to trust myself but the harder thing about it was the stories that were told to me although I know werent true you know it just really plays a factor.
Also after I got off the computer typing the message, I really freaked out. I was in a full blown panic attack for a while. Shaking, worrying, just wanting to yell sometimes (dont know how many people just feel like they want to yell and let the stress out that way). Also that preview was messing with me as I tried to sleep. What if this what if that was coming into play. I can honestly say that im just scared of losing her for good and what would I do to better myself. Also what do I need to do this time to make myself better, I just feel very worn down today. I also made my mom cry last night because she was scared for me, and that didnt help me much because that made me more worried but I can understand she only wants me to be happy and only wants me to do good. So when she sees me like this it really just hurts her knowing that im going through a very rough time where she has little or no control over making me feel better.