I am Very Needy Today - Need Advice
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| Thu, 08-25-2005 - 4:29pm |
My oldest DD will start kindergarten next Friday. We have orientation for her to meet her teacher and see her classroom tomorrow and she is very excited. I on the other hand am a mess. To top it all off, there is a orientation tonight for parents new to the school which I must attend alone because my DH is working. We are not really even moved completely into our new neighborhood so I am pretty sure I will not know anyone and not knowing anything about how schools work these days I am afraid I will not ask the questions I need to for fear of someone thinking I am stupid. It may sound really weird because I am 36, but I don't really feel like a full fledged parent yet. I have two beautiful DDs and have been parenting them pretty good as far as I can tell (with help from DH). I am always complimented on how polite and kind my oldest is. Anyway, I just don't feel like I belong with all the "real" parents and hate that I have to go by myself.
OMG - I sound so selfish. I am wallowing in self pity for something that is so insignificant but can't help myself. I have already taken 3 xanax today to calm me down and am afraid I will need more before the school visit.
Any pointers on how to feel comfortable in this situation. Should I approach people or wait until I am approached? We have already had visits from neighbors as we are preparing the house for our move so I am sure the community is very warm and welcoming. I just am thinking irrationally if you guys can imagine that. :)
Thanks for letting me vent. I feel a little better now. Maybe someone can tell me I won't come off as a complete loon and then I will feel even better. If you think I am going to come off as a loon, please don't reply. (just kidding).
Thanks for reading my long rant.
Alison

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Hey Alison, Im not a parent so Im sure I can't completely relate to what you're going through. However, I have had these kinds of anxieties in social situations, especially where I didn't know anyone and felt like outsider. First of all, I want to tell you that I dont think you're a loon, and I'm not sure where got that idea from! you seem like a very nice, bright and well adjusted person...and if that doesn't help you feel better, ask your DH what he thinks :) Second, I would encourage you to approach other parents rather than wait for people to approach you. I typically wait for people to approach me, and at the end I feel like I miss out on a lot of important details because of that tendency. Try to think of this a new situation to conquer your fears and apprehensions. Act like the person you want to be, rather than the shy and non-confident person you feel like. I think if you can accompllish that you will feel so much better about the situation and will be better able to thrive in this kind of setting in the future. try to rerun the old saying 'no question is a stupid question' in the back of your head everytime you feel an inkling of a doubt in yourself ,
Oh! and by the way, I dont know what kind of parent you are, but you're oviously not a bad one! a bad parent wouldn't even bother attending this orientation. so give your self some props and try to enjoy the orientation, this a good chance to meet new people and get more situated in the neighborhood.
let us know how it went :)
Mia
Alison,
I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You and I sound very much alike. It sounds like you just moved into a new area which can be very anxiety provoking. Your child entering kindergarden is emotional as well. Your husband not being with you on this special and important night is hard and scary, as well. I am 35 with two children around the same age. My son will be entering k next year. I often feel alone in social situations with the moms at pre-school, and I do try to push myself to have playdates and be social. I can completly understand your ambivilance towards going, and no, you are NOT selfish to feel the way you do.
As far as I can tell, you are a wonderful mother, and you do belong with the other moms. You work hard everyday to provide love, health and happiness for those beautiful girls. You should be very proud of yourself that you get so many compliments. That, my friend, is a testiment to you and your ability you have to give those girls the emotional nuriousment (sp?) they need.
You sound like you have it together, and I know you will be just fine. You are not a "loon." Although, I feel that way most of the time, too. Just read some of my other posts! It's ok to feel the way you do. You have a lot on your plate, and it sounds to me like you are not giving yourself enought credit and really focusing on your major accomplishments. Your beautiful daughters.
Ok, enough of my babbleing. Lots of luck at your meeting. You will be great and remember that it is an informational meeting for your childs newest milestone. Everything else will fall into place. You will be surprised how welcoming people can be.
Jolie
Thanks for the kind words. It actually went much better than I expected (although almost an hour longer). I got there early and helped setting up chairs and getting people into the room. I asked questions near the end and left feeling pretty comfortable. Today is orientation with the kids so that they can meet their teacher. Keeping my fingers crossed that this goes as well. My DD is so excited and she says she is ready to be at school "alone".
Thanks again.
Alison
Glad to hear everything went well. I knew it would. I am getting ready to take my son to his classroom visit this morning. I am a nervous reck. I think all the moms don't like me, and I hope my son fits in with the kids in his new classroom. I am so nervous, and I can't calm myself down. It's only a 20 minute visit, but I can't seem to shake the nerves. This is about my son, not me. My biggest fear is that I am projecting my fears of rejection and not feeling included onto him. See, now who is the "loon!" This will be my son's 3rd year at his pre-school, and I should not be nervous anymore. He sure isn't! He can't wait for school to start.
Again, so happy all went well for you! Congrats
Love, Jolie
Thanks. Let me know how your classroom visit goes. I will try to post about mine when I return to work today. Hopefully, it will go better than expected for both of us. At least I am lucky that my mom is attending with us today. She will be picking up my daughter from school and I thought she should meet the teacher also.
Good Luck on Your Visit.
Alison
Hey there,
I am home, and everything went ok. I still felt very left out from the other moms, but that is my own "stuff." A very close friend of mine is now sending her daughter to the same school. Most people would think that is a great thing, however, I am worried that she will make all these new friends and forget about me. It's always something, right! UGGG. I'm a nervous hilaria.
glad your mom is going with you. It's always nice to have the support.
Hope to hear from you soon. Jolie
I just got back and my mom AND my DH were able to be there. I am very worried still about the dis-organization of the school. They have a lunch program where you pay in so your child doesn't have to carry money. They said if you want to put money in today please do so. If you don't and your child doesn't have lunch on Monday what then? Anyway, we went ahead and funded her account. I spoke with the nurse and they don't have my DDs medical records but should have already had them transferred from the first school we registered at. I think they are there somewhere. Since they say they are not, I have to rush to get to the dr to get a release for them to use the epi-pen if needed on my daughter who has previously had allergic reactions to peanut butter. No peanut ban at this school. I told the teacher about her allergy and she said please write me a note. What? Why couldn't she write it down. She was done meeting everyone at this point. So I get to write a note and send it with DD on Monday. That's reliable delivery. Also, they are asking for additional supplies and that we bring snacks for the class once a month. This is so different than I remember. Good thing is I didn't even have time to worry about what the other parents thought of us. Well, I guess I should work some before I have to go to the dr to have this form filled out.
Thanks for listening and I hope everything settles down once school starts.
Alison
Sounds like you have your hands full. I would try to call your daughter's teacher at home and discuss your concerns. Allergies are not something to mess around with, and I am sure she is not the first one with a peanut allergy. My 18month old is allergic to egg and dairy, so I understand. Most teachers don't mind if you call them, and I would most certainly try. Tell her your concerns and that you NEED to make sure she is able to use an epipen and that she needs to keep record of your daughter's allergy. Find out if there are other students in the class with allergies, and possibly send home a note to the other moms regarding your daughters reaction to peanuts. This way they can plan their snacks accordingly.
Your daughter should not have the responsibility of bringing her teacher a note. That is ridiculous!!!! My sister is a 4th grade teacher, and she is always on the phone with a parent. Usually it is for something so dumb. Call her, this is your child's health we are talking about.
I am still feeling quite nervous about my day. Hopefully, it will go away.
Glad to hear you had so much support today. It always helps! Love, JD
I wouldn't worry too much about the lunch money. Our schools have had computerized accounts for several years, even in senior high. If the money runs out or doesn't get into the account, the child is given lunch anyways & the parents are sent a statement of what is owed. Noone will let a child go hungry. A couple of years ago, my dd, along with some of her chums were pitching their lunches straight into the trash. Maybe it was a diet or some sort of trendsetting they had in mind. One of the lunch teachers called me personally(Jas' choir teacher) & said she would be darn angry if she knew her hard earned money was going in the trash. I appreciated that call. There are good ppl in the world, Alison
Alison,
I am happy that it all went pretty well. You seem to be a great mother and please *try* not to worry about what other people think... I know easier said then done.
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