Suffering physical symptoms from assault

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
Suffering physical symptoms from assault
9
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 5:53pm

My Boss took me on a paid, business trip, out of the country recently. I've been home over 3 weeks now. I shortened my stay by 9 days because of his behavior! Soon after we got there, until I could get the next flight home, he came onto me, touched me, kissed me, fondled me, made sexual advances to me, told me how he wants in my pants numerous times, after his so called apologies. I told him repeatedly, I didnt like this, didn't want him, you know I have a live in boyfriend at home(marrying him), your my BOSS, etc. He still did not stop! He said he did not care I was involved too! To top it off, he fired me for not sleeping with him!

He told me how I was not "his employee" on this trip, and the night before I could get out of there, he told me, to find another job when I get home. He is a criminal defense attorney and I'm the only employee there, his paralegal. He's been around 20 years. I felt very confident and comfortable to go on this trip with him. I locked myself in my room the last 2 nights, with the door locked, the bathroom lights on, still in my jeans and wearing my contacts, in case I had to run!

Since this trip, it actually started while I was there, I haven't been able to sleep, wake up all the time having bad nightmares, stand on top of my bed screaming and pointing at the vent in the ceiling, etc. I'm still also having diarhhea too. I've seen my physician for this. I'm waiting to hearback from a crisis center in town, to start seeing a therapist soon for my PTSD symptoms. I've also been getting my resume out, to land a new job.

I retained an attorney who specializes in this, and my X Boss hired a lawyer also. They contacted my lawyer last week, saying they need until the end of the month, to investigate the allegations. If we cannot resolve this, we are prepared to file lawsuits against him. He has a lot of lawsuits hanging over his head. Two law suits towards the law firm he owns, one suit personally against him for assault and battery, a misdemeanor for stopping payment on my paychecks, and possible criminal charges.

I wish this would all go away and never happened, because I am now struggling to get my sleep and life back, and now have no money to pay bills. I am strapped! I'm waiting to hear back on unemployment this week, to start receiving that too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 7:14pm

Wow, what you've gone through sounds extremely traumatic! Im really sorry this happened to you, and that there are jerks out there like your ex boss. It sounds like what you're experiencing right now is PTSD. Its great that you're seeing a therapist and that you've filed a law suit against this guy. That takes a lot of guts, and in the long run, research shows that women who actually file suits against their attacker end up suffering less psychological distress in the long run. I dont know much about PTSD, but it doesn't surprise me that you're having all these physical symptoms like upset stomach and insomnia. You've gone through a tremedously stressful event and this is the body's natural way of reacting to the trauma. The symptoms may not disappear right away, but they will eventually. You just have to stay strong and keep doing what you're already doing...fighting back and asserting yourself. I think you're a really strong person and I wish you the best of luck with the law suit. I know other people on the board will be able to offer you more specific advice, so I hope you stick around.


Mia

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 8:03pm

I am very sorry to hear what happened to you. I hope that you get the help that you need. Does the Crisis Center have a 24 hour hotline? Most do & that would be a good way to unload all your thoughts. I am not an expert, but most research suggests that getting your thoughts out will be helpful in the long run. You seem to be very pro-active. IMHO, that is the best thing. You don't want to feel powerless. I wish you the best of luck! Here are 2 iVillage boards that may be more suitable to what you're experiencing. PTSD & Crisis Center. http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhptsd


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlcrisis


(((hugs))) jan



 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 10:40pm

Hi and Welcome!


I am sorry to hear about your trip and troubles. That must've been so awful for you.


I give you so much credit for seeking help and doing something about this persons actions. You may be preventing the same thing from happening to someone else. You are very brave.


From what I understand the things that you are experiencing are normal for what you have been through. You are doing the right thing by seeing help to make sure that you will be able to share and sort out

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 12:03am

How horrible! I'm so happy you stood up to him. I think what you are going through is a normal reaction to something like this. You trusted him and he took advantage of you. How unfair!! It will take time to heal, I don't think there is any quick fix. I will keep you in my thoughts, please post again. We care.

Sheri Ann

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 12:57pm
yes, this has bene a very trying time for me. I have managed to get some decent rest the last few nights. Hopefully, it gets better. My body is probably still in shock from what I experienced, being so far away from home. I am thankful to be home!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 1:01pm
I am waiting to get in to see a counselor. They called me this week, and are trying to get me on the books, due to my symptoms I've been having. My body is probably still in shock, from it all. I am doing a little better each day though:) Time will heal. Yes, the crisis center also has a 24 hour hotline, as well. I do use it, when I feel I can't handle it all. They are very supportive. My anxiety level has decreased somewhat, but there are days and nights, where it is bad. It will take time to recover physically from this experience. I also posted on those other boards you listed. I am receiving numerous, loving support, which is great! I thank god for these boards. It helps me unload when I need to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 1:05pm
Thank you for your support, I appreciate it:) Yes, hopefully this guy will have learned a huge lesson in this, and never do it again. I bet you he has before, and got away with it. Makes me sick, thinking about it. When the lawsuit is over, I'm sure his wallet will be hurting. Yes, my body is trying to rid itself of what I went through. It was traumatizing, especially being so far from home, and feeling helpless. I'm just glad I got the heck out of there safely. My Dr prescribed an anti-anxiety pill, for me. I will see if this helps me or not. Hopefully, I recover soon from all this, and can move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 1:08pm
Yes, words cannot even begin to say on this board what I think of him. He pre-meditated this whole thing, and took advantage of me. No wonder the man is still single! Hopefully, the man learned his lesson, because I stood up to him, and didn't walk away. Yes, my body is telling me it went through trauma, being down there. I still have anxiety attacks, and nightmares, even though I know I am in my own home and safe. Hopefully, this will all go away soon, so I can move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 4:21am

Okay people, my blood is really flowing now! I received an email from my lawyer late this afternoon, saying, she decided not to file a lawsuit against my X Boss, after reviewing the case further. My friends think it's because she is good friends with his lawyer, so he convinced her to drop it. I don't know what happened, or went wrong. Maybe she is plain weak! I thought they were wanting to call and speak to people, I had made calls to, while on this trip. That is 3 witnesses, to vouch for me. I have no reason to lie about this. I have nothing to gain by lying and playing games!

I had a hard time trying to find an attorney to begin with, because it happened out of the country and no witnesses. I am really peeved! This man is getting off, SCOTT FREE! There is 1 other lawyer, I am calling Monday, who I had spoken to, when I got home. But, he wouldnt be available to see me, until the end of this month. I didnt want to wait, so I went with this lady.

I'm also going to contact the Attorney Generals office Monday, to get in there finally. The officer I spoke to, wanted me to come down and file charges with them. They are very interested in pursuing this. The officer told me, that if they found cause, they would file on my behalf through the state. So, this may be my only way to see justice. What did I do wrong, to deserve this? If nothing bad happened, why did I not return to my job? Why did I leave 9 days early? I'm going to explode!

I'm still suffering physical complications, from all this. I'm so full of anxiety, stress, panic attacks, smoking like a fein, cant sleep,etc, and wanting to get drunk tonight, because I am so distraught! I've been busting my butt trying to land a new job, but with limited experience in this field, it's a battle. I'm collecting a puny little unemployment check each week, which is little to nothing. My fiance, is paying the mortgage with all his income, and has nothing else to live on after. We're both frustrated about all this, and I want to scream! When is it going to end? When am I going to have a new job? When am I going to start feeling better? Am I ever going to get justice for what this man did to me? I want my life back, before this happened. I can't take another day of this.