I Need Advice - My Anxiety Will Not Stop
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| Thu, 09-08-2005 - 10:30am |
I had seen a therapist about a month ago at a local mental health agency that I was referred to by my insurance company. Well she got me an appt with a pdoc for Sept 13 and I have been waiting ever since, hoping that the pdoc can come up with something for my anxiety. I got a call yesterday that they were trying to get authorization for my visit and that the only dr that took my insurance has left the facility. So, I called every single dr on the list from my insurance company and received only calls back saying that they are not taking the insurance, aren't taking new clients, etc. I don't know what to do anymore. I really need to see a pdoc because my pcp doesn't want to treat my anxiety and depression anymore because she thinks I need an expert since most of the anti-anxiety medications I have been prescribed don't work. The only one that works is xanax which she gave me enough to get through to the appt I no longer have because of insurance problems. It also seems the more I take the xanax the more I need.
To top everything off, we just moved last Friday and I am still unpacking, trying to get the phone turned on, etc. My husband is leaving today for Las Vegas until Monday and we had an argument last night. I do not get along with his family and he continues to force them on me and say that I need to respect them. I tell him that I give them as much respect as they give me which is not much. Is it me or does he need some perspective. I tried to explain to him that if we divorce it will be due to the way he treats me in regards to his family. I told him that our family should come first. He also keeps insisting that I have a drinking problem because I go out one night a week with my friends. He doesn't drink much anymore because he had some liver problems. I was assaulted (pushed down on the sidewalk) at a bar by a guy last weekend and my husband said well if I hadn't been at a bar this never would've happened. I felt very violated as I have never suffered physical abuse before. I was not hurt but still felt like I should've gotten support from my husband. I asked him if I was leaving a bar and got raped would he think I deserved that also?
Edited to add: I guess I forgot to mention that my job sucks, I am depressed, and we havent't sold the house we moved out of yet.
For anyone who has gotten through this thanks for reading. I just want relief and hope that I can hold myself together for my DDs this weekend.
Alison
Edited 9/8/2005 10:38 am ET ET by atober

I am sorry to hear this, Alison. IMHO, there are 2 things you can do. Call the therapist @ the mental health center and/or call your PCP & tell them of your dilemma. They may have some suggestions as to how to find a pdoc or may have some influence on getting you in to see one that's reluctant to take on a new client.
Xanax, as well as the other benzodiazepines CAN cause dependency & the need for increasingly larger doses to reach the desired effect. That is something many of us in the anxiety community fear. However, if we give the meds the healthy respect they deserve & follow our doctor's orders, most of us will do just fine. Everyone needs to keep in mind that our individual responses to ANY med is just that. Individual!
This is not the first post you have mentioned drinking alcohol. I am not your mother. You have every right to live your life the way you want to. I am not suggesting that you have a drinking problem. But, I would be remiss not to mention for the safety of you & everyone on this board, that drinking & anxiety drugs do NOT mix. Ppl who had no intentions of dying, did so by *accidental overdose.* That was mixing meds & alcohol in amounts that no expert could determine would overwhelm their system. Please keep safe.
I hope that you can get the problems worked out with your dh. Just seeing any counselor to discuss your feelings & learning how to cope better with the stresses you are under, can be helpful. There are some things, like the sale of your house that you don't have control over. OTOH, you could look for a new job. Keep in touch. Let us know how things are going. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan
Thanks Jan. I try to be very careful about how much alcohol I drink for obvious reasons, the medication mix included. I guess I don't feel like I have any control over what is happening in my life right now. Selling the house is out of my control as is looking for a job unfortunately. Once we sell the house we will have to refinance on our new house and they will be looking at my job history which wasn't good over the past year. I know my marriage is in trouble but I don't know how to fix it. My DH has changed so much since we first met and has become controlling (like his family). He is a good father and at times a good husband. Life just seems to get harder and harder. The only light in my life right now is my beautiful DDs.
Alison,
Im so sorry to hear about everything you're going through right now :( I think you deserve a husband who will stand up for you and protect you, and im sorry that you're not getting that right now. I imagine it's also pretty hard working at ajob that makes you depressed, have you looked for jobs elsewhere that would make you happier?
as for the doctor dillema, you're really between a rock and a hard place on this one. I agree with Jan that before you give up you should call the mental health clinic and your PCP and see if they can set something up for you ! in the meantime, there are mental health hotlines you can call for free. they are completely anonymous and they can help guide you through your anxiety as necessary. I remember Jan actually posting a list of them not too long ago, so you should be able to find that thread quite easily.
Also I would recommend maybe reading some self help books on how to deal with anxiety and panic. You might even be able to find lots of resources on the web. there are techniques you can use to calm yourself down, and Im sure you're already familiar with some of them. Perhaps occupying your mind with reading will not only enrich your knowledge, but also help distract you from the anxiety that's taking over your life right now.
I am feeling a little bit better. I think it helped to actually post a message and just get everything out. I was sort of dreading the weekend and not having any help with the kids while my DH is in Vegas, but now I am a little excited to spend some alone time with my DDs. Maybe I will take them to the library and get myself some of the self help books you suggested. I think I have to make a decision concerning my career path and then I will be happier. I was hoping when we sell our house we may have enough money left that I could get some training and change what I am doing. I was at a job nine years until last June when I quit. This is my fourth job since then. I quit all of them because I wasn't challenged and I am in the same situation again.
I actually heard back from a pdoc today that may have some openings the week after next. I left a message and am hoping to hear back from her after 5:00pm today.
Thanks
Alison
First of all, I am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. It sounds like maybe you and your husband need some marital therapy. If you love him, and the marriage is worth it to you, you need to seek some help. Do not stay in a bad marriage just for your child. You won't be any good to anyone. Yes, I feel your husband should be more supportive of you. You going out once a week does not make you an alcoholic. Is he jealous? Is he controlling? Try to answer these questions.
As far as finding a therapist, you might want to try an organization that offers a "sliding scale." You tell them how much you can afford and they work with you. I know Jewish Family Services offers that. You don't need to be Jewish to go there. This way, if you can only afford $5.00 a session, than that is all you pay. I would also see an internist about trying a new medication. There are so many out there, I am sure you can find one that works.
I totally understand how you feel about your marriage. You have a lot going on right now and it sounds like you don't have much support. I, too, am in a tough place with my husband, and it is very hard. I have two small kids and I don't work. I feel like if I left, I would have nothing. However, it might be better than being so frustrated and anxious every day of my life.
Best of luck. JD
Thanks for your understanding. Fortunately, I finally got a call from a pdoc today and have an appt for the 19th. I will have to muddle through until then. I always thought my husband was one of the most laid back, understanding people I had met and this is what everyone else thinks of him still. When I met his family, I wondered how he could grow up in such a controlling family and be as easy going as he was. Well, it seems to have caught up with him (me). He pretty much nit picks at everything I do and when I point it out he is embarassed because he doesn't realize he's doing it. From what I have seen of his family and now the way he is beginning to act is that they don't have a sense that something different than they would do would be right (i.e., my going out with my friends and having a couple drinks). I am committed to my marriage and am hoping that we can work to get back where we were. Since he is going out of town for a few days I hope that the distance does make the heart grow fonder as they say. We have both had a lot on our plate lately and maybe we just need a break.
Thanks again. I hope things turn out the way you want for you too.
Alison