So, my aunt thinks she's going to visit

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Registered: 05-27-2005
So, my aunt thinks she's going to visit
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Wed, 09-21-2005 - 12:18pm

Good morning, ladies:

It's funny that I wondered if I would go back on the Zoloft (no matter what I say, I do think about it sometimes) after Mia is born, because I just had the yuckiest crying spell thanks to what else? My family!

Get this:

My cousin e-mailed me to tell me that when my other cousin was visiting, she (the other cousin) told my aunt that my other aunt "is planning" to come up and stay with me for a few weeks to help with the baby.

Ohhhhhh really? My cousin said she wanted to tell me so that there were no surprises. Well, I am certainly surprised--and pissed off, and upset because people think they can just walk all over me, and it's OK. What the hell? First, there's the lack of trust that my husband and I know what we're doing (I don't care what anyone says--it's there, even if a little bit).

I know I am getting defensive over this, and maybe I "should" appreciate it, but you know what? My aunt never said a word to me about this. Ever.

Ironically, after reading the e-mail, Alex called to tell me not to apologize for buying things (LOL--there goes my guilt again). I cried to him on the phone, and he said he'd take care of it and call either my aunt, my uncle, or my dad. I know we shouldn't triangulate, but geez, I don't want to hear some woman tell me that oh yes, I do need help, and she's coming right up. I am used to going it alone--or actually with my dad's help--and we decided that we needed a few weeks to bond with Mia. Alex might actually get three weeks off! Do you know how cool that is?

Also, my aunt is very pushy and is old-world Italian. I don't need her pushing her views on me? On a TMI now, I also want to be able to be topless if I want to be or with messy hair if I want (I'll be breastfeeding).

On a side note, my father will be up for a weekend, and that is more than fine. I have made him my one exception. Not only did he loan Alex and me a substantial amount of money for the house, but he has been there more than anyone realizes. I am so close to him, and he fills the void that my mother does not. I express my guilt to him, too, and he just pooh-poohs it away.

So yeah, I don't know what the hell to do with this. What, am I just supposed to expect my aunt to show up at my door? And for a few weeks? I cannot handle anyone for a few weeks, I don't care how wonderful they are!

I just don't have the energy for this.

Kendra

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Avatar for atober
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 12:59pm

I think if your DH and the aunt have any kind of relationship, he should make a call to her and explain that you do not want visitors within the first few weeks or more should you feel that it is necessary. Make sure that she knows that she will definitely be contacted when the time is right. I am appalled that she just assumed that she could show up at your door without an invitation. Sometimes family logistics are so hard to understand. Definitely stand your ground, you are not going to be up to her staying with you, especially if you have your DH and dad around for help. When you are ready for visitors is when visitors should come, invited by the way.

I had similar issues with my DHs family and it really took away from what I expected would happen with my DD once she came home.

Good Luck and make sure that you do only what you want to do, you are the one having the baby right?

Alison

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Registered: 05-27-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 1:05pm

Thanks, Alison. Yeah, I hate to have DH make the call, but maybe it'll come across better from him, you know? He's been in protective mode for a while, and it's been nice.

And yes, he and my aunt do know one another and do get along. Sorry to hear about your experience. People just assume that I don't know what I'm doing.

Oy, and now I am hurting again. Great.

Take care,
Kendra

Avatar for atober
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 1:32pm

Unfortunately, it sometimes never ends. My DDs are 5 and 2.5 and people (my DH's family) still think they have to tell us what to do with them. I've tried to tune them out to no avail, but I'm thinking earplugs might be my next solution. :)

Again, good luck with the baby. It is life's gretest joy.

Alison

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 1:50pm

Oh, Kendra, how awful! You don't need to be worrying about stuff like this right now! I'm sure she means well, but I understand you & Alex wanting to bond alone. You should just phone her & tell her Alex will be home with you and you want the time alone with Mia. If she doesn't understand, it's not your problem :) Good luck! I thought I was the only one with these kinds of problems, lol.

Sheri Ann

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 1:52pm

My family is the same way. Always pushing their thoughts on raising my 4 y.o. on me. It's ridiculous! Then this morning, my mom starts talking about someone who recently shot himself at the breakfast table! I couldn't believe it! I kindly told her I didn't want my son to hear conversations of this nature & she replied "that's ridiculous! i didn't shoot him!" OMG!

Sheri Ann

Sheri Ann

Avatar for atober
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 1:56pm

OMG is right. My mom does the same thing. She always brings up terrible news stories and such in front of my very young daughters. As you probably already know at 5 and 2.5 their minds are just little sponges. I don't want those terrible thoughts in my kids minds. I just have to keep reprimanding my mothers. Oh how the tables turn.

:)

Alison

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 1:56pm

Thanks, Sheri Ann! Nope, I've got these issues as well. Lucky me. I don't know if I should wait till she mentions it (because obviously she doesn't know how to get to my house), or if I should call her out of the blue.

I asked my dad if he'd heard anything, and he said no. He was in New York the same time my cousin (who told my other aunt) was.

Ahhhhhh, I just wish people would go away and leave me be. My husband is quite capable of helping me. :/

Kendra

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 4:35pm

I'd be afraid she won't mention it and it will be too late once she arrives. Uugghh, what a situation! I'd definitely bring it up somehow!

Sheri Ann

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 4:51pm

OK, well, I went ahead and sent her an e-mail just to check in. I included the following paragraph:

****Nothing new here. Just growing bigger. I’m 31 weeks now, and Alex and I are so excited for him to take three weeks off after the baby’s born. It’ll be a blast to just spend time, the three of us just getting to know one another. It’ll be nice to actually be in a house at that time. Alex has enough vacation to where he can take good care of me while I feed the baby. I’m ecstatic about that and know I have it better than most (with the vacation time). We’re keeping to ourselves for a while, holding off on visitors while we get settled with our family.****

:)

I hope it gets the point across! And oh, my dad is going to come up for a weekend, but once that happens, I'll just be like, well geez, I couldn't tell my dad no! :) The truth is, he's the one true exception to our rule. Well OK, two--my father-in-law can visit.

Kendra

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 5:11pm
That sounds perfect Kendra!
I hope she catches a hint by your email, I don't know how more clear you can be!
I'm sure your aunt means well, but I have known ppl like her too, and they can be so pushy and that causes the person they are 'trying to help' much stress, so I totally understand your feelings.
Let us know what her response is,k?
I hope you are feeling better, sweetie.
Hang In there! :0D
I love ya!
shasta

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