self defeating behavior
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self defeating behavior
| Tue, 10-11-2005 - 2:17pm |
I guess i only post when I am feeling down---
the pdoc says that depression and anxiety go hand and hand for me--
lately I have been worried about my son--he started 9th grade and is unmotivated and sometimes angry.
With my GAD i fixate on something and believe that it will end with the worst case scenario- and i am doing this with my son. Of course, I feel that I am to blame.
I am having a hard time going out of the house and being in social situations. I will go to my daughter's game but stand alone and not talk and feel uncomfortable.
I have not been able to go forward with my goal of substitute teaching in the short term in order to get a full time job soon. My behavior is so self defeating and it scares me that i see it in my son.
Can't really talk to family members- they just think i need to do it- "it will be the best thing for me"= they don't get that it is not that easy someimes- even pdoc just tells me to do it- go to work- that makes me mad- he must know that it is not that easy .
I'm hoping that some of you can relate to my feelings.
Thanks,
Elaine
the pdoc says that depression and anxiety go hand and hand for me--
lately I have been worried about my son--he started 9th grade and is unmotivated and sometimes angry.
With my GAD i fixate on something and believe that it will end with the worst case scenario- and i am doing this with my son. Of course, I feel that I am to blame.
I am having a hard time going out of the house and being in social situations. I will go to my daughter's game but stand alone and not talk and feel uncomfortable.
I have not been able to go forward with my goal of substitute teaching in the short term in order to get a full time job soon. My behavior is so self defeating and it scares me that i see it in my son.
Can't really talk to family members- they just think i need to do it- "it will be the best thing for me"= they don't get that it is not that easy someimes- even pdoc just tells me to do it- go to work- that makes me mad- he must know that it is not that easy .
I'm hoping that some of you can relate to my feelings.
Thanks,
Elaine

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{{{{HUGS}}}} Elaine,
I am so sorry that you are not feeling well. These cycles we go through are just vicious.
My tdoc says that I am my worst enemy. Althjough I am still living a "normal" life as soon as those bad feelings sink in I seem to spiral down. Just try to keep your feelings in check and
I know I worked for years with panic and
teaching too!! It was very difficult to do and
I had to force myself many days--- self talk and
praise to yourself- I CAN DO THIS!! Look at all I have
done etc!! I hope you can come to chat tonight!!
And try to keep the "what if's " out of your head!
Hard to do I KNOW!! Fighting this is not easy it
takes all our strength sometimes but as you do it
you will see the fear start to fade away!!
Trying it is hard but may be the best thing to
boost your confidence??? Take care, Judy
Sorry to hear this, Elaine. I know that returning to work is no big deal to others, but with the stress already present with your ds, it IS TO YOU. & YOU matter. It's so hard for us with anxiety. Constantly we feel as if we're being judged by others. I know I am guilty of looking out the corners of my eyes to see what others think of me.
Please work on dealing with your stress before you add more stresses. Subbing is difficult work. It's ever changing situations & we like to keep our routines. Our safety zones. It's good that you can share things on the board. We can all relate. I hope that is helpful to you. Good luck & let us know how things are going. (((hugs))) jan
Please take care and post soon and let us know how you are feeling.
hugs,
shasta
Elaine,
I am pretty much in the same situation you are. I have a degree in teaching and I was a first grade teacher about 7 yrs. ago. I made a mistake of getting another job as a teacher for better pay, but I was miserable. I also worked in a bad area with alot of drug activity. I couldn't even make it through the whole year. I had to get out. I think all I thought about was the money. I should have stayed where I was and by now I would be making pretty good money. Anyways, this is my situation: I was diagnosed with OCD and depression about 10 yrs. ago. I take Prozac (for 10 yrs. now) and Wellbutrin XL (about 2 yrs.) When I first started taking Prozac, I was in a very bad place in my life. Pretty much suicidal. After taking it, I felt it was a miracle drug. Mainly, I am a very outgoing person and love to do things with friends and family. Then I got depression and wanted to just crawl in a hole and pretty much die. About 2 weeks after taking the Prozac I felt like a new person. Anyways, ever since I quit the teaching job that paid good money, I have been taking jobs and staying about 2-4 months..then quitting. It is like I have no direction in my life. I beat myself up time and time again because of this depression and OCD. For the past couple years I have had like 7 jobs. I am at a point now that I really want to go back to teaching and I know a good way is to sub, but I am a total wreck about signing up. I know if I don't move forward with my life, I will just be miserable. It's true..so many people just say DO IT...you can. But I know exactly how you feel. It's like your stuck and you don't know what to do. I guess the only thing to do is TRY. I have been reading alot of affirmations. They seem to help alot. I am also going to try to have God in my life more. Anyways, I would love to find out how you are doing. Maybe we can help each other. Take care of yourself.
Greta
elaine
Elaine
Hi Elaine,
Even though I don't have kids and I'm not working right now, there is something I want to tell you.........try your best keep up with going to your's daughters games and everything you normally do. A lot of people will stop doing those things and eventually get stuck at home for good. Keep yourself busy!
All of us on this board understand and we are all in it together, so you are not alone.
But please never give up, even if it feels too hard to go on.
Nina
do you get out alot?
elaine
I found an earlier post you had written about teaching and being so hard on yourself. I felt like I could easily have written it.
I have Gad and depression and have been treated for 2 years now, but have been living with it i think for most of my life. I have alot of fear- fear of failure, even fear of trying.
I am older 40. When i was 37 i went back to school to get a MS in Education and my teaching degree. I am certified K-6 in Connecticut. I landed a job teaching 6th grade- then found out i would also have to teach 8th grade math in this K-8 school. They totally left that out until I had already verbally aceptrd the job. Obviously, i was not certified to teach this and told them that. but they said it did not matter- no one would know- but after talking to the State they said i would be putting my license in jepordy. this started my panic- anxiety attacks.t my inability to deal with them.
Hope you can post back.
Elaine
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