panic disorder is back:( scared
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| Sun, 10-16-2005 - 9:12pm |
oh my,
well, i pop in here every once in a while, and of course, mostly when i'm feeling bad...well, i'm sadly reporting that my constant fear of panic attacks are back...
i've had panic disorder for 9 years now and have been on paxil for the last 5 or so, and its worked pretty well, but recently due to alot of stress,i began having panic attacks again.
the irony....i'm a psychotherapist, and my first panic attack this time occured while i was doing family therapy, there i was and all of the sudden BOOM, this mother was talking to me and i had NO idea what she was saying, i was thinking, oh my god, i'm having a panic attack, how am i going to get out of this one? i'm going to have to tell them i got sick and feel like puking and leave the room or something, this is horrible, what if i have to quit my job cause i can't handle this responsibility...what it i go crazy...
well i'm sure you all know how the trailing obsessive what if thinking goes....
this was 2 weeks ago, then my son got hospilized with a pnemunia and was in the hospital for 4 days, then we pulled him out of day care cause he has gotten so sick since he's been there, so then there was the stress of finding other child care arangements,
then, another family therapy session (with a different family) and there it was again same thing...that was yesterday...and ever since then all i can think about is how anxious i am, and how afraid i am that
i'll have to quit my job, that i won't be able to function, that i wont' be able to leave my house etc......
(i've gotten this bad before but it was 6 or so years ago, and since then i've managed to be doing okay0
ahhhh....i'm sooooo worried and scared
any advice, support or anything else would be GREATLY appreciated,
thanks
heather

Hi Heather & welcome. So sorry we had to meet under these circumstances. I'm sure others will post lots of words of wisdom. Have you called your pdoc - maybe a med adjustment is all you need right now. Or xanax, klonopin, etc... prn?? You have had alot going on, when I am stressed and not sleeping right my anxiety & panic escalate. I hope things get back on track for you soon.
Hugs,
Sheri Ann
Sheri Ann
Hi, Heather! Sorry to hear about the current rough patch. I may come off as being a bit stern, but I'm doing
Hi Heather. I am sorry you are having a relapse. I know that is very hard, especially when you have not had problems with your anxiety in a while. That makes it feel really bad. I know exactly what you mean. I went through a bout where I thought I was totally ok and then BAM, it hit, and I was so disappointed. I felt like I went all the way back to square one and was heading downhill again big time. What an awful feeling of hopelessness and disappointment that is.
The best thing I can tell you is to try to remember that you were very bad off before but got better for a while so it is very possible (and probable) that you will get better again. I know it is hard to believe that right now, but history does repeat itself so it is very likely that you will get better yet again this time. Who knows, maybe once you get better this time it will last even longer before you have any issues again. Or maybe it will get better and the next time you will be even stronger and will be able to ward it off even better.
One other thing - I am a major worrier and I absolutely hate it. But, one thing I read one time is that worry truly serves no purpose - if something is going to happen, it will happen whether you worry about it and fear it or not - that will have no bearing. So, tell yourself - Why worry, because I cannot control what is going to happen to me anyway? I know that is much easier said than done, trust me. In fact, I get mad sometimes when people tell me that. But, if you really think about it, it is very true. Learning to live by it takes a lot of work and I still fail at it a lot, but once in a while it works and it really does make sense logically. It is just hard to think that way when we are in a bad state of mind.
Kim
Hi Heather, sorry that you have had a crash. They do happen sometimes. I had one 8 yrs ago. You know that you are very much experiencing the "what ifs" and "anticapatory anxiety." Its not the family therapy sessions themselves but what you are making it. I read some of Jans post........are you on meds? do you see a therapist yourself? I remember you but not details. You can nip this in the bud. Remember fear is your biggest enemy. You won't have to quit your job, you just need to get some balance right now, and you will. You have probably done many family therapies before and never had an atack, right? So be it again. Take what measures you need to and get right back out there. Keep posting and keep us up to date. You "CAN" do this. Debbie