Was I abused?
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| Sun, 10-23-2005 - 11:54am |
Hello ladies,
Sorry this is so long but this is almost 40 years of silence...
I couldn't find a msg board about sexual abuse so I'm guessing it falls under this category. B/C I'm anxious about this I panic that this happened to me and b/c I think I could just be fearing that it did when it really didn't.
Can anyone help me and let me know what all this is about?
I need some feedback regarding this...
I am almost 40 years old and I feel that I may have been sexually abused as a child. I'm going to give you some examples and want to hear any thoughts you may have.
1. I can remember waking in the middle of the night and having wet underwear (i never was a bed wetter) and feeling that I had been violated. I was old enough at this time to think that it was possibly a wet dream; my age range was 12-14, I can't recall exaclty what age I was. It only happened a few times. But what I do remember is thinking to when I awoke was....Did my dad, or one of my brothers come in my room and touch me? Why would I have these thoughts? My brothers were 7 and 10 years older than me.
2. I can remember waking in the middle of the night and at the foot of the bed the canapy part of my bed would be off and lying on the bed. I would have no recollection of why or how and again; I would wonder who had been in my room.
3. From as early as I can recall up to the time I was 13 or 14 at which time I put a stop to it my oldest brother; while standing next to me or sitting next to me would be rubbing my back or my arm and would slide his hand in to my pants and panties and rub my bottom and/or thigh. I do not recall at any time his hand touching me any other places but those 2. He would do this in front of girl friends and in front of the family. I thought it normal until I was older and and felt sick about it. Was this just a loving touch from my brother or was this some sort of abuse?
4. When I was in my 20's I'd say mid 20's; I was at my parents house for a cook-out and was leaving for a pool party I was wearing a 2-piece swim suit. My father thought it would be funny to spray me with the garden hose; he started sparying my top open exposging my breast. I got angry and left but no one every said anything about it.
Here i sit some years later hoping that none of this means anything. I've been trying to work on my self esteem and work through all of my problems so that I might be a happier mentally/physically healthier person, and would like to know if this is something I need to not worry about any longer.
What are your thoughts?
Emme....

I am so very sorry to hear this, Emme. None of these things should have happened to you. Children in this great country of ours should be afforded safety. From what I have read & experienced, sexual abuse issues *can* follow us for a lifetime. But, the doubts, fears
Thank you Jan.
xoxoxoxo
Emme
Gees, Emme, what horrible things to have to remember and to deal with. I am currently undergoing therapy for anxiety & agoraphobia & have remembered being abused myself. It is a horrible feeling. We should be able to trust our families, and not be abused as we were. I hope you are able to find some peace, as I am.
Sheri Ann
Sheri Ann
Thank you Sheri Ann...
I'm glad you are finding peace...
I have to tell you I feel uncomfortable about this b/c dealing with it in my family. I am going to be labled "the trouble maker" and that it wasn't that big of a deal. I'm already starting to feel that I'm being dramatic about everything. Mostly b/c my brother that is mentioned and I are not getting along right now.
I'm trying to work through those problems with him and all he is doing is blaming me 100% for everything and I am trying to look at myself and take my inventory to do the right thing. In doing this, these thoughts kept coming up and these are thoughts I've never ever voiced until today. My husband saw me posting and asked what was up...I had to tell him; however I'm telling it without emotion b/c I don't want to play the victim role and be dramtic.
Is this normal?
I have to tell you that I'm so happy that you are getting help and so grateful that you and others have responded to me...I feel so alone.
I never dealt with it with my family. I never told anybody. I am now 45 and was probably about 14 y.o. when it happened. I have alot of guilt for not telling anyone, but at this late date I feel it would be senseless to make my whole family feel horrible. The person that abused me is no longer a part of the family (divorced) and has no contact with the family whatsoever. I feel anger more than anything, for my parents allowing me to be around him alone, etc... But I'm sure they trusted him and had no idea whatsoever that something could go wrong. I am working through it in therapy and am amazed that it resurfaced after all these years. I had honestly blocked it out of mind. Please come back to the board often, you will find everyone here so caring & wonderful.
Sheri Ann
Sheri Ann
You were a victim! This is not a no big deal you feel
like it is because this is how your family reacted!
You have been abused and traumatized and should talk to
your therapist about this! I would not talk to your brother
since he is playing the blame game! You have to face what
happened to you completely before you can talk to your
brother- I was abused by my brother but he died over 10
years ago! talking to him would not have been an option
it would not matter to him at all! I have had hypnotherapy
which has helped me with my selfesteem and feeling of
being worthless- the scapegoat of the family I was!!
My family has all died and I am trying desperately to
have a life!! I wish you well and hope you do some reading
on abuse and are able to heal! God Bless and keep us posted! Judy
Hello Emme, I am sooo sorry for what you have had to go thru. I feel like you already know the answer to your question. I too was sexually abused when I was young by my Step Dad.I told my Mom when I was young but she talked to him and he denied it and she believed him and not me.