Had a disagreement today...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2003
Had a disagreement today...
5
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 9:04pm

As you all know it is hard dealing with anxiety each day. Well how do you overcome family members shoving their opinions and negativity down your throat?

In a nutshell I had an argument with my mother about something my older sister said/did to me. My sis crossed a line (in my opinion) and went behind my back to butt into my business(ex-husband). She also went behind my back and "talked" to my dd about details that my dd should not have been exposed too. This upset my daughter to know details about adult issues and my sister's opinions on what should really be happening. I screen the information my dd hears about her father and his problems and try to keep things smooth for visitation and stuff. Let's just say I was unhappy with sis about all this and told her so. Well then my mother butt's in...

Of course she thinks I am wrong, sis is always right. How dare I be upset. blah blah blah. Well now I feel just awful, betrayed, and unloved. My entire life my mother has made me feel last and unimportant. When I was dealing with cancer she called and yelled at me. She treats me like her personal dumping ground and I cannot deal with it anymore. I told my mother that maybe she could try to see things from my point of view but she would not. Just praised my sister. Then I told her she was hurting my feelings by what she was saying. She would not respond. Just praised my sister, put me down some more. I pretty much gave up after that.

This is an ongoing pattern. Is it okay to divorce your family?? I plan to take a break from them. Morally I feel like I should not "cut them out" of my life but I seriously cannot stand the put downs and "looks" another day.

Thanks for listening to me, I really needed someone to "talk" to and you are all so understanding.

Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 9:29pm

Lisa, Yes, it is absolutely okay to take a break from your family. That is one of the main reasons I moved from CT to NC. I needed a break. My mom is like yours, always siding with my brother & it does hurt me. You need to focus on you & your daughters now and nursing school. You are in a program that takes 101% of you & you don't need the added stress. I'm so sorry that you are hurting. I've always protected my children from their dads problems as well, I knew it wouldn't do any good for them to know things that they couldn't change & wouldn't understand. I know I made the right decision. My family often "slipped" and said things that were inappropriate. I will never forgive them. I tried to email you thru your profile, but you don't have that info registered with ivillage. I hope you take care of yourself first, don't let them drag you down.

Sheri Ann

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2005
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 10:15pm

Lisa, I'm sorry about the problems with your family. I have to agree with Sheriann I see no problem about disengaging from them for at least awhile. You need to do what's in the best intrest of you and your child and it doesn't sound as if your family has your best intrest at heart. My partner and I have had to cut her family out of our lives, at least for the time being, as they constantly work against us and our plans and life dreams. I also was selective about what my daughter knew about problems between her dad and myself and would have been furious if someone would have gone against my wishes. You do what you must do and let any guilty feelings rest upon those that have created these problems. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Keitha

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 12:08am

I don't know what's up with so many moms and daughters not being able to get along, but it is reality.

Blessings, Suz   Posts in this Community   

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 12:14am

(((Lisa))) Sorry to hear this. It's difficult for anyone to face such thoughtless family members, but seems tougher on those of us with anxiety. We tend to be people pleasers. Very sensitive to what others say & worry about how we're viewed.


Take the break. You deserve it. I can't tell you that it will get better, because there's every chance that it won't. Sometimes we do have to move away, if not physically, then emotionally. The best we can do for ourselves is to learn NOT to allow others to bother us so much. I know that's difficult, but noone can make you feel like crap, unless you allow it. I hope you feel better soon. Good luck! (((hugs))) jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 12:21am
Lisa I spent MY LIFE trying to please
my mother! I did everything I could to help
her and yet she wanted my brother----
When she was dying I took care of her and
went to see her all the time and he did not
yet she would ask me about him!!!!!!
Sooooooooo get that divorce moving! Do not
do what I did!! It is a NO WIN situation!!
You have people in your life that do love you and show
you they do!! So just let her go! That is my 2 cents!
I know it hurts soooooooo much but distancing yourself
will help relieve some of your anxiety!! Let us know
what you decide either way WE CARE!!! Judy