its getting to me!
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| Sun, 10-30-2005 - 10:42pm |
Hi there,
I hope everyone had a nice weekend. We went to a pumpkin patch with a ton of inflatables. My 5 year old had a ball. We couldn't get him out of there. THis is a bit long, but I really appreciate the time.
I am trying to live in the moment, but the anxiety takes over at the drop of a hat. I was doing pretty well all day, but then I spoke to a friend of mine, and I got upset. It is so silly, and I can't believe I am even writing it down. She and another friend of mine have gotten really close, and I feel left out. They both have girls and I have a boy. The two little girls are starting to get close as well. The little girls are both close with my son, but they are starting to form a bit of a click. (yes, at 5 years old.) I was talking to my friend and asked what she was doing for Halloween. She mentioned she might do something with my other friend. (the are both named Sue.) I took a risk and asked if I could join them and I didn't get a warm response. I felt so stupid that I asked, and so upset that she didn't just say "sure, that would be great!." Instead I got "well, I think you should call Sue because I am not so sure of the plans..." I felt so bad when I hung up, and so stupid. I felt so sad that no-one invited my son along to trick-or-treat with them, and I felt like no one wanted to be around me. Everyone seems to have plans and I feel so left out.
I know this must seem so silly, but it is so real to me. It might not be reality, but it really felt like my friend was trying to get me not to join them. I feel so paranoid! I am having such a hard time with reality and with my anxiety. I felt so anxious and insecure that no one invite me or my son, and even more vulnerable that I invited myself and got turned down.
Sorry to ramble on and on and on. I just really needed to vent. Thank you for not turning away my message. I could really use the support. I don't want to ruminate anymore.
Love, JD

Sorry that your friends are not treating you well. Don't worry, you may find new ones that you like even better. I am very fortunate that my DD has boys that she sometimes prefers to play with over girls. One in particular and they get along fabulously. If your friends think it is a gender thing, than that's their problem not yours. Asking to join your friends and their kids is not a bad thing. The reaction you got is. I know it's hard but maybe you should join your little one up for a class or something. It's a good place to meet new parents and friends for your DS.
Don't feel bad. You didn't do anything wrong. Your "friend" on the other hand....
Hugs
Aliosn