its getting to me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
its getting to me!
3
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 10:42pm

Hi there,

I hope everyone had a nice weekend. We went to a pumpkin patch with a ton of inflatables. My 5 year old had a ball. We couldn't get him out of there. THis is a bit long, but I really appreciate the time.

I am trying to live in the moment, but the anxiety takes over at the drop of a hat. I was doing pretty well all day, but then I spoke to a friend of mine, and I got upset. It is so silly, and I can't believe I am even writing it down. She and another friend of mine have gotten really close, and I feel left out. They both have girls and I have a boy. The two little girls are starting to get close as well. The little girls are both close with my son, but they are starting to form a bit of a click. (yes, at 5 years old.) I was talking to my friend and asked what she was doing for Halloween. She mentioned she might do something with my other friend. (the are both named Sue.) I took a risk and asked if I could join them and I didn't get a warm response. I felt so stupid that I asked, and so upset that she didn't just say "sure, that would be great!." Instead I got "well, I think you should call Sue because I am not so sure of the plans..." I felt so bad when I hung up, and so stupid. I felt so sad that no-one invited my son along to trick-or-treat with them, and I felt like no one wanted to be around me. Everyone seems to have plans and I feel so left out.

I know this must seem so silly, but it is so real to me. It might not be reality, but it really felt like my friend was trying to get me not to join them. I feel so paranoid! I am having such a hard time with reality and with my anxiety. I felt so anxious and insecure that no one invite me or my son, and even more vulnerable that I invited myself and got turned down.

Sorry to ramble on and on and on. I just really needed to vent. Thank you for not turning away my message. I could really use the support. I don't want to ruminate anymore.

Love, JD

Avatar for atober
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
In reply to: jlvst
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 9:36am

Sorry that your friends are not treating you well. Don't worry, you may find new ones that you like even better. I am very fortunate that my DD has boys that she sometimes prefers to play with over girls. One in particular and they get along fabulously. If your friends think it is a gender thing, than that's their problem not yours. Asking to join your friends and their kids is not a bad thing. The reaction you got is. I know it's hard but maybe you should join your little one up for a class or something. It's a good place to meet new parents and friends for your DS.

Don't feel bad. You didn't do anything wrong. Your "friend" on the other hand....

Hugs

Aliosn

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
In reply to: jlvst
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 1:18pm
Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2005
In reply to: jlvst
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 10:24pm
everyone goes through that unfortunately. its understandable to feel that way i would too, i just dont understand why people are the way they are sometimes instead of just being free, getting along and not analyzing everything things would be so nice. i wouldnt understand why they wouldnt invite you in the first place thats very mean of them. now that she has found a new friend youre out of the picture thats not right. there has been times where i felt like my friends didnt want to hang out with me either and at first i let my pride get the best of me i stopped calling and basically i threw them out of my life for awhile. well i started missing them and the fun times we had together even though things have changed drastically our mentalities dont mesh well anymore but i ended up calling them. i would say we should hang out one of these days and so forth. i would invite them out they were always busy. eventually i talked to them and said what is happening to our friendship ive been noticing alot of distance and youre not putting any effort in trying to actually be friends like we were i dont understand. they acted like nothing was wrong that they were just very very busy people. please youre not that busy when you want to hang out with someone you hang out with them regardless of how busy you can be in life. basically i said to myself well i tried i'll just meet other people its not the end of the world. you can try talking to them and telling them exactly how you feel and ask why they wouldnt invite you in the first place and also try to find some other friends to hang out with so that you wont feel so alone. wish you the best in whatever you decide to do... take care