Anxiety won again???!!!!...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Anxiety won again???!!!!...
5
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 7:31pm

Well I have not been here in a while but learned my anxiety just can wreck havoc. It seemed like it would never go away unless I had broken up with girls to feel relief. About a year ago, last August I posted on here because of anxiety in relationships. A lot of you were helpful and I really tried to hang in there. I stayed in a relationship with a women that I still really love but the anxiety got so bad that I had a panic attack on a plane when we were to meet It was kind of a last straw(we do long distance)It was right before the jet took off and I ended up getting off the plane. I am really not afraid of flying I have done the flight before and it is a hort flight. I had a wicked anxiety attack the night before that promopted started this and I went downhill. Physically it cause me to be a mess. It caused a break up the following night because I did not go see her (how could it not). My sister said that is because she is the wrong girl. My fahter said I wanted out. Really I just wanted some releif and I gave into it. I am not so sure it was just the women I date because I did have non-anxious good times with her. It was intermitent earlier this year. SOme weeks in the summer started geting good and even some days in Sept.

I started going to a Psc. and he said that he never thinks it is women neccesarily but an over-active fear circut that trips to easy. He also said it is a inherited nusance. My girlfriend always told me I should hang in there and try to deal with this or it will come up with other women in the future. Even last year she told me that. I should have maybe taken a step back last summer but I satyed in there because I was hopeful it would get better. Around last winter the panic was going away but not this fear induced anxiety. I am not gay so that is not that. I just do not know about the right girl but this whole inherited nusance of panic really bugs me. I have a feeling it was committment issues and somehow somewhere It bugs me on some level. Kind of like a trigger. I just feel a little overwhelmed and sad. So much of me is caught up in this person and we are so close. Maybe it is too much now? I do not know? Sorry to rant on.

Thanks
J

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 10:35pm

Always great to hear from you, Jay. I am sorry that it has to be under these circumstances. Do you have committment issues? I haven't a clue. That sort of thing sounds like intensive therapy might be needed to sort it all out. You would need to make a decision on that. But, if the thought is always there nagging @ you, maybe that's the answer.


I would like to kick your pdoc where it counts! An inherited nuisance? I'll grant that in most cases, it's inherited. A nuisance? That would be when I went to pay my phone bill online tonight & couldn't remember my password. I had to look it up in a folder that I save this sort of stuff in. Once retrieved, I was able to get on with paying the bill & my life. I read posts from folks everyday that are struggling with more anxiety than a mere nuisance. What I have experienced was more than that, too. Argh... Wreaking havoc is more like it. Sorry about my rant, but it's obvious that your dr. has never had panic disorder. He wouldn't be so thoughtless.


I was hoping that one panic attack & leaving the plane wouldn't have broken up the relationship? Is it salvageable? I hope others can offer you more advice. Good luck. Sending P&PT's your way. (((hugs))) jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 5:26pm

Thanks for the input but this doctor does get panic attacks. A lot of what we work on is softening the negative talk. Inherited nuisance is just to downplay it although I realize that it does wreck havoc that is why I am in this situation now. Over the last year I did not visit here that often because I thought I would get better. I read some books tried meditating but it still was there.

One trigger I noticed is that anytime something was brought up about moving here or there or the future with us it would get set off. Now on paper I am not afraid of anything but maybe deep down I am afraid of it. He also said to me I hae an over-active fear circuit that trips off way to easy. He is one of the top specialists on anxiety and has offered advice.

It was so hard to talk about it because it is ideas and thoughts. Nothing that concreate but scattered. Than other weeks I would have a good stretch and then bam again. One reason for not getting on the plane is I just did not want to feel like that. I should have tried this last year and maybe this damage would have not happened. I just do not want this to keep happening and endeing relationships. It may be a sign or call to action?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 6:43pm
Hi Panic disorder has wrecked havoc on my LIFE!!
Not a nusance by any means it is TORTURE!!
The doc has given you advice and ideas but it seems
they have not worked completely?? If you have a mind set
everytime a girl brings up the future I will panic then
that is what will happen! Talk yourself down out of the
fear!!! Easier said than done or how about just go through
the panic and after talk to your girl about it??
Are you worried about how you can have a relationship and panic??
if so don't worry I have been married for 35 years and it
has gotten in the way but never broke us up!! NOT EVEN CLOSE!
My husband understands my fear is on overdrive--- perhaps your
girl is more understanding than you are willing to believe??
be open with her! Talk about your fears with her if she is
right for you then it will work out!
Take care and answer my questions-- Judy
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2005
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 7:38pm

wow thought i was the only one with a similar issue.i grew up in a very dysfunctional home there was always a major crisis.i myself had a very hard time w/committment and always ran when the good was getting better.so committment to me caused fear and panic bcuz my whole life was built on a crisis,not much love and an empty childhood,so anything close to a family

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sat, 11-05-2005 - 10:09am
Thanks for the replies. Maybe part of me is not ready for a long term thing. I wish I could be somewhere and maybe I am not? I would rather be able to think something is wrog rather than have phsycial manifestation this intense. I have been at this for a year and I hung in there because I thought it would get better. The sad thing is people get hurt because of my issues and I am left walking the streets wondering why? It is hard to look for answers when there may be none and that is sad too. I just hope this does not keep happening my whole life because it is a torture to go through. I was brought up well with no dsfunctionality in the family so I know that is not much to do with panic and anxiety. It is a mess. I am sick of feeling this way, not sleeping and just worrying. Man it is tough.
Thanks
J