Cannot Stand it anymore!!! (new here)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Cannot Stand it anymore!!! (new here)
5
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 10:00am

I grew up suffering from depression and some mild anxiety.

Well, after I got really sick with a kidney infection back in August I've been suffering anxiety and panic attacks so badly! I think I was traumatized from being sick and I remember thinking that I was really gonna die and that doctors and hospital staff just didn't see that.

My recovery took a while. I have fibromyalgia and I think having that just slows down recovery and it is taking a while to regain all my energy. But I think what is hampering it even more is this stupid anxiety.

My doc gave me BuSpar when I was hospitalized. I told him i was scared and feeling terribly anxious. Well, it started to kinda work but the side-effects were not worth it to me: Everytime I took a dose I would have to brace myself for at least 2 hours of wooziness, lightheadedness, and sometimes having a difficult time catching my breath. So I went off of it. And for a short time my panic attacks pretty much stopped.

However they were quickly replaced by an awful feeling that I couldn't even put into words at first. I thought I was losing my mind. It turned out to be 'derealization' and 'depersonalization'. It would happen particularly in public places and I suffered from sensory overload. I couldn't take flourescent lights, loud malls, etc. I felt as though I was shut inside an invisible bubble and it never threw me into a panic attack. But it did frustrate me to no end.

All this while I'm dealing with acid reflux too and on meds for that.

After weeks of suffering I finally went back to my doc and explained the weird feelings and asked for Zoloft. I've always responded so well to Zoloft in the past so I figured I had a good shot at it working. Well, two days after taking it I got rapid-heart beat all day and the next morning I was nauseous and vomiting. I got insomnia every night where I was waking up at 3am and vomiting. I started feeling even more anxious again and crying quite a bit. I ended up in the ER twice that week and it was seeming that the acid reflux was making me sick.

We still don't know if it was side-effects from the Zoloft or if it was my digestive problems. I had an ultrasound of my gallbladder and it does show some problems there. So now I'm anxious about that.

My biggest problem is that I'm obssessing over being sick and my own mortality. I fear I have some major illness yet to be uncovered. I don't feel stable at all and every little quirk in my body I fixate on it. Not good, I know.

I'm continuing on with the Zoloft at a minimum dose. Still feeling funky but not near as bad.

What makes this bad is that I'm a 33 year old mom with three kids who need me. And I'm too busy feeling funny or feeling sick. My husband works a lot of hours so I'm solely responsible around here and I just wish someone could come along and help me out for a few days so I can focus on myself. Know what I mean?

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 4:51pm

Hello! I recognize your story, so maybe you aren't so new here:) We're glad to have you nonetheless.


In the past when I was very anxious & suffering alot of panic attacks, I had the same fears of *real* illness. It's easy to get caught in the trap of thinking there's something wrong, in spite of the tests being done & coming back negative. Fears have to be looked @ realistically. Illness could happen to any of us @ any time. But, taking care of our health with check ups, eating & sleeping well & exercising regularly can keep us in better shape. Quitting smoking, practicing good safety techniques such as always wearing a seatbelt, avoiding drugs or toxins is a good idea. Reducing the stress in your life through meditation, yoga, belly breathing, etc. can help with this overload of anxiety. Finding the right meds is a tool many use, along with therapy. Have you used these techniques? It is within your power to deal more effectively with stressors. It is possible to get back

 

 


 



Avatar for glitterngold
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2003
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 8:16am

Welcome to the board!

I am relatively new here(about a couple months) and I have found a great sense of support. If you can, try joining a chat; it is a great way to connect with other members to discuss what is going on and get some immediate feedback.

I also am a 30-someting mom with three kids so I understand your concerns about getting your "job" done and not feeling guilty about taking some time for yourself. I am slowly learning to accept that it is ok to take a day just to unwind. I was wondering how old your kids were?? Mine are old enough to be in school during the day and when I am not in school myself I allow myself to watch a tv program once in a while or take a long bath. When my kids were home I could not afford help or a sitter so I had to be creative and use nap time to steal a moment for myself.

(((hugs)))
Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 9:17am

thank you for the replies and the warm welcome. :)

I don't think I've ever posted to this forum but I have posted to a couple others on IV.

My kids are 14, 11, and 5. The two older ones aren't really any problem and they understand sometimes Mom needs her time. But my five year old, OMG, is she a handful. Very exhuberant, very busy, constant questions and interaction. She cannot understand when I need time. And it breaks her heart when I take it. :(

I just started the Zoloft a couple of weeks ago and I think I'm dealing with some icky side effects that I'm just trying to work through. I've been so nauseas. I got rapid heartbeat two days after starting it and that lead right into stomach upset and vomiting for a week. I stopped taking the Zoloft for two days just to see if that was my problem and the nausea let up quite a bit however the insomnia was still there. I went ahead, after discussing it with my doctor, and continued the Zoloft again. I've been on it before and responded so well to it. Funny that it's affecting me so differently now. And at a low dose. Even my son, who was 11 at the time, was on it for a few months and he had no adverse reactions.

I do try to relax and try breathing techniques. What has proven especially difficult is that I obsess too much on my breathing and my pulse. I pay way too much attention to it to where I think something is wrong. Back when I had my kidney infection, one of the medications they gave me caused me to have a difficult time breathing so I'm still stuck on that. I was always either sighing or yawning just to catch my breath. It was horrible.

Now I'm dealing with stomach problems and I have an app't with a GI specialist on the 21st for an upper endoscopy. I'm nervous about that but at the same time I really need some answers. The ultrasound I had showed that my gallbladder has a polyp and one of the bile ducts is dilated for some reason which could be a large part of why I get so sick. But it's a wait and see thing right now which I find frustrating.

My other biggest issue is that I cry at the drop of a hat. I see pics of my kids and I just burst into tears. I want to cling to everything and I don't want to be alone. It's so hard and maybe this is just part of dealing with all these issues.

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

Avatar for glitterngold
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2003
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 10:35am

My girls are 13, 9, and 6. Isn't it always the youngest that is the handful...LOL. My youngest is all over me when she gets home from school and it gets a little overwhelming on a bad day. She is just so excited to see Mommy and wants to tell me everything about her day, asks "did you wait to have a snack with me?", shows me all her work, and gets really protective of our time together when her sisters get home.

After my surgery last year she had a hard time understanding why I was tired, sick, and irritable. It is hard on kids when parents get sick. We had a couple "pajama days", rented movies, and crawled in the big bed to cuddle. Still don't know how we all fit...LOL the popcorn was not a great idea! It got everywhere.

Good luck with your endoscopy, hope all is well!

Lisa

Daisypath Wedding PicDaisypath Wedding Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2005
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 10:55am
Hi-
A few months ago I was in the car and felt out of it, like I was going to collapse. I went to the hospital and they couldn't find anything wrong, they said maybe heat exahustion. I then each time i got into the car, would shake and freak out. I have gone to so many specialists, for my heart, my brain, my organs and i'm "normal", but I'm having a hard time excepting that, because I do not know why I all of a sudden feel weird and then very scared, for no apparent reason. So I know what you are feeling. I went to the ER last week, and I'm scared to ever go again, and the Dr. there said that there was a Huge Elephant in the room and I am searching for the mouse. Which there is some truth to that. I am an outgoing, 29yr. old, with a great career, multiple degrees and I do not understand why this is happenening to me. The only thing I can figure out is that I have forgot about myself. For the past 10 years, I have worked sometimes on average 18 hour days, 90 hour weeks for months at a time, and then would find time somehow to work on another degree. I did not Balance!
I started to take Xanax but that is a quick fix. A few minutes ago for the first time I took prozac. I'm scared, but I really hope it works!
Try and take time for yourself. I know its hard. I am having trouble doing it as well.
This is a great group to post too.
Have a nice day!