My brain seems to be broken
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| Sat, 11-12-2005 - 3:11am |
Sometimes I feel like my brain is wired wrong or something. Isn't it under some kind of warranty? Can I send it back and get one wired right?
I've always had anxiety, On and off. Panic attacks, on and off. But now my mind is creating some interesting thought patterns that I DON'T DON'T DON'T like.
Okay, I will TRY to explain. Sometimes, during anxious periods of my life, I have this fearful thought that can strike me whereever. Once I realize that I am really enjoying myself, this thought stikes me that, "what if from now on I won't enjoy this anymore. What if I start obsessing about it and it becomes wrapped in my obsessions and phobias and fears". This makes no sense I know, but its like my brain purposely wants to take the things that I enjoy in life and turn them into things I want to avoid and fear. It feels like I have little or no control over something SO CRAZY! Why is my brain backwards. Or why do I let these thoughts take control!
Here's an example. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE the beach. I want to live there one day. I have pictures all over my room of the beach. One day while I was at the beach, a panicky thought stuck me, "what if I have a panic attack right here right now and I will have to avoid the beach for the rest of my life?!" This would never happen, say, at the supermarket for me because I really don't VALUE being at the supermarket, but because I LOVE the beach so much, to lose it to a place of fear in my head would be catastophic to me. And thats when the thoughts come. When I'm around something I love.
All of this is crazy talk I know. I'm just trying to put into words what has been going on with me the last month. I need to go back on meds or something.
-LernersPetite

Hi there!
I think that what you just described is anxiety in a nutshell. We are great "what if'ers" always wondering if we are going to have a panic attack here or there.
Sometime anxiety about anxiety is the worst. The fear can really take over and thats when we really need to focus on the good aspects of our life and live "One Day at a Time"
WB! I am sorry that the anxiety has intensified. It does cause concern that we won't get better or that we have something seriously wrong inside. For anxiety sufferers, this is par for the course. We understand how you feel here. We have all been in your shoes. It does get better.
Thinking about the addition of meds and/or therapy may help. Meds don't have to be forever. Just long enough to get you through the rough spots & learn new ways to cope. Since you enjoy the beach, have you tried meditation? Yoga? Using the beach as a positive & peaceful image in your mind may be helpful. Check out our coping tips & tricks folder below. Good luck & please let us know how you're doing. You are always welcome to vent here. (((hugs))) jan