feeling stuck inbetween

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
feeling stuck inbetween
6
Sun, 11-13-2005 - 3:56pm

This is something that drives me crazy. Makes me wish something would happen whether I just keel over and die or just snap out of it.

I feel like I'm trapped in this weird reality between what is normal and totally losing my mind. I get really tired, but too disconnected to just sleep. I feel like I'm inches away from reality. Close enough to where I can see it and hear it but I can't quite break through. Then I feel like there is something serious causing this sensation. I fear brain tumors are making my brain cause these weird feelings and thoughts.

Since I began the Zoloft it feels like I'm getting worse as I'm getting better. The depersonalization and derealization have started to minimize somewhat...which is what I want. But I find myself crying uncontrollably for nothing. Mostly out of desperation and frustration I think. I feel sad, overwhelmed, and anxious still. When this strikes I get scared like I'm permanently stuck in this mode. It might last an hour or so and then suddenly, just like that, I'm fine again. A little spacey most of the time though. I've been on Zoloft for almost three weeks now and I'm praying it kicks in soon and I adjust to it and get rid of these side-effects.

How many times I've contemplated going to the ER just to ease my mind. But I know they won't do much to help me cuz there's probably not much to do. It's a waiting game and not a fun one. I just want my old life back so desperately. There is so much I miss and so many of my plans are getting ruined because of all of this.

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 11-13-2005 - 7:50pm
(((Bluemarlin_girl))) I can relate to what you're saying. We always want to be better, yesterday! Getting our lives back never can happen soon enough. The feelings of unreality are difficult
 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2005
Sun, 11-13-2005 - 8:59pm

oh jan is so right,i agree with her 100%.i also believe it has a time where it just burns out.so many times i feel the same way,like i am almost there but just cant grasp ahold,i feel it, see it, but....sometimes its just hard to get to.as jan said,you will

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 2:46pm

Thank you for the kind words of encouragement. Sometimes that is all I need. I'm doing better right now, but it really takes a lot of will power to stay ontop. It's like I am constantly faced with a decision: give in or stay positive. Well, we all know how challenging it can be to stay positive but that is what I try and do. Sometimes I win, soemtimes I lose. I just hate it when I lose.

I look forward to the day when I can have my optimistic positive self more of a constant presence like it used to be.

You know, I have such wonderful children and such a wonderful husband. I want more than anything to enjoy them and not let this anxiety prevent me from that.

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 4:53pm

You sound like me 7 months ago when I started with anxiety.


I had the unreal feelings REALLY bad and I still get it sometimes.


How long have you been on the zoloft? I am on lexapro and knonopin and it seems as though that helped the unreal feelings more then anything.


Do you see a therapist or a psychiatrist? If not I would suggest that you do, just to have a professional tell you that you are not going to go crazy helps a lot.


GL-- Please know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Unreal feelings are my worst symptoms and I am beating it, YOU CAN TOO!


How supportive is your family?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 5:08pm

Thank you. :)

My family is absolutely wonderful!!!! My husband is amazing. He may not understand what all I'm going through but he takes the time to listen, he tries to comfort me, he tries to help with my kids and the house as much as he can when he's here. He's even come home early from work when I was having a panic attack. My parents are wonderful too. Lately my mom is calling me once or twice daily not just to check on me but to make sure I know I'm not alone. She'll sit and talk to me for as long as it takes. When DH had to go out of town for work a couple weekends ago I had a panic attack after he left. My dad and step-mom came out to sit with me and the kids for the evening and brought their dog. They brought Subway for the kids and it made me feel a lot better.

It's funny cuz having such a supportive family makes me even more emotional. I cry a lot cuz I feel the love but I feel like I can't enjoy it the way I want to. Make sense?

I do plan on going to a psychologist. I think I'm gonna need to to retrain my brain and stop the obssessive thinking that I do. I never knew that anxiety and panic could be so awful like this. I'd rather have the flu, KWIM?

ETA: I've been on Zoloft for about three weeks now. just 25mg. Still dealing with some side effects. I'm sensitive to meds so I have to take things really slow. I figure I'll go up to 50mg in a couple more weeks.




Edited 11/15/2005 5:12 pm ET by bluemarlin_girl

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 5:33pm

I know exactly what you mean. I have the GREATEST dh and support system.


Are you recently diagnosed? I was dx'd months ago.


My pdoc (psychiatrist) offered me klonopin or xanax..