How do I make ppl understand condition?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
How do I make ppl understand condition?
3
Sat, 11-26-2005 - 7:27pm
Hi gang, I know that I have probably asked this in the past, but I am stuck yet again!
How do I make my family (On dh's side) understand what is wrong with me, and understand why I don't come to the Bday parties and stuff?
It (My situation) is embarrassing for both me, and my husband.
This sucks, I never ever imagined my life to be the way it is today, I am working on changing that tho! :0)
Anyhow, I thought we had talked to dh's brother & dad a while ago, and we thought he kinda had a grasp on what I am dealing with (p/a,agoraphobia)but apparently not.
He constantly badgered my dh on the phone yesterday, asking over and over if I am going to the birthday party tomorrow. My dh is at his wits end, I feel bad that he is trying to cover for me, and protect me, it is only causing him stress. And that make me more sad then you know. And now I feel even more worse, because dh is saying that if his family doesn't 'back off' then he is going to disappear from that side of the family.
This is something I DO NOT want to happen. Both our folks are getting older, and I don't want the family to be torn apart in anyway because of me. :(
I know I am not ready to go to the Bday party (They last way too long for me) So does anyone have any words of advice on how to explain my situation to his family, yet again?
Not only do I have mental problems, I have pshyical problems, as well. Yay!
But I will probably email my mom-in-law, if anyone has any ideas on what I should say.
Any advice would be much appreciated!
Thanx for reading my novel!
Have a Happy Sunday!
love, shasta
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sat, 11-26-2005 - 8:00pm

I hope this doesn't come as a downer, Shasta! But short of taking an actual hammer & beating some sense into them(please don't do it, BTW) there's not much you can do about this. People will accept what they want, when they want & we're left to find the best way to live life without allowing them to bring us down.


I have had to separate myself from a family member who forever was saying stuff like, *you used to travel all over the place,* or *why can't you be like you used to be & get out more?* I don't need to be reminded of what I was able to do in the past. I stare it in the face on a daily basis. What they choose to see is their problem. For me, getting out of the house & driving once a day is quite an accomplishment. I can make it two hours from home. I can drive the interstate for about an hour before becoming shaky. I can shop to my heart's content @ the strip mall by moving my car up close to the entrance of each store. I am not housebound like I once was.


It would be great if your dh would continue ties with his family. But, you can't make up his mind for him. It can place alot of strain on a relationship. He seems to be very supportive of you, Shasta. He's probably just as tired of fighting the same old battles with these people. I'm sure it frustrates him.


IMHO, why bother covering the same old ground in that e-mail? Do you think that they'll finally *get it* this time? I would just express my regrets. OTOH, are you feeling a little

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Sat, 11-26-2005 - 10:21pm

((SHASTA))


I am sorry that you and dh have to go through this, that's just not fair.


I agree with Jan about trying to explain it all again..you have tried that and it hasn't worked. I like what Jan said though, could you possibly just "make an appearance" at the party?


Of course that is TOTALLY up to you...


I would feel awful if your dh stopped talking to his family, but at the same time it isn't fair to either of you the way he is treated. I see his point of view.


I'm sorry but I really have no advice about how to help them understand. Fortunately my family and dh's family have been amazing.


Take Care and "try" not to worry about anyone else, you take care of yourself and your dh. You will be OK and take care of you...


Hugs,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Sun, 11-27-2005 - 6:11pm

I too have problems explaining what I go through, even with my wife. It is worse if it someone else though because I always think that whomever I chose to tell will only tell everyone else and everyone will know what I go through. I guess being a man, it is assumed as a sort of weakness as well.
My brother-in-law also suffers from anxiety so occassionally we will talk about it together which really does help a lot.

I don't have any advice in your situation though as only a few people in my family know what I go through and noone else knows any differently. At least it sounds like your husband is very supportive of you and that is great.

Good luck.

Take care!