terrible anxiety today.
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| Tue, 11-29-2005 - 2:39pm |
Hi there,
I am feeling so anxious and nervous today. I can't explain it, but I feel like I am all alone. I feel like everyone is living their lives, and making plans and no-one includes me. I don't mean to sound like "woes me," but i feel so lonely.
Some friends of mine from my son's school got tickets to see "Joseph" in the city, and they didn't ask me. I feel like if I don't make the effort, then my son (and me) will be without plans. I try to reach out, and i know I am liked, but I can't help but have that paranoid feeling that nobody likes me. I am just so sad and anxious right now. Not being included in the theater plans with my two friends really triggered this anxiety attack. I really want to feel like I fit in, and I try so hard.
I tried to call my husband at work, but I could tell by his voice that he was too busy to hear my stuff. What else is new? He doesn't even remotely try to understand what I go through or what it is like to live with such terrible anxiety.
I found a great Anxiety and Phobia clinic near my home, and the doctors specialize in these sort of issues. I have to cancel my appointment tomorrow because it is just to damn expensive, and my husband refuses to pay for it. $150. I know that is the going rate, but he doesn't even believe in therapy, and he doesn't think the last pdoc I saw helped. (Very hurtful, by the way!). Insurance only covers some of it because it is out of network.
Anyways, thank you for reading. I really appreciate it. JD

I can completely relate to your DH not understanding or wanting to listen. I try to talk to my DH sometimes about my anxiety and he half listens but my ears are expected to perk up when he talks about some PITA customer of his. I am sorry you are going through this. Hopefully, your friends will include you next time.
Hugs
Alison
Sorry to hear about the anxiety. I know it's difficult, Jolie, but you need to keep things in perspective. The others do like you. Trying so hard makes you focus more on these feelings of inadequacy. I allow myself a specified period of time to worry about my baseless fears. Then, I move on. Finding work or activities that I enjoy to keep me occupied.
I would be very disappointed if I had to cancel the appointment. Do they have a sliding fee? Perhaps you could get a reduced rate? Can you cut your visit to just half a visit? From an hour to 1/2 hour?