Ohh I need some relief

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2005
Ohh I need some relief
8
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 11:02am

DH has been gone for almost two months for work. He came home a few days ago, for a short holiday lay-over. I know that I wasn't dealing with my DD as well as I needed, but she has been out and out crying EVERYDAY since he's been home! His temper with her is just sooo very short, I don't know what to do. I have an appointment for her to see a councior, but that isn;t until the 19th. She is s oooo strong headed, I was already going to haveher get help before he got home, because of the ways she's been treating me. But this is rediculous.

I'm on so many meds not to try to stabilize my moods, that I just feel like crawling into a hole when they start at each other.

I know he's an adult, and shoudn't let an 11 y/o get to him, but she keeps on pushing and pushing his buttons until he blows. and then it is all over, there is no peace and quiet for at least an hour or so. Her talking under her breath, and him scowling for a while.

He knows he needs help, but his insurance from work doesn't kick in for another month.

Ladies, I know i haven't been on here lately, I have been dealing with sooo much, I know that I won't hurt myself, I'm not brave enough for that. but I just don't want to go on. It seems I get involved, even if it is just emotional, when they do this.

Miss you sistahs,
Diana

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 11:20am

Hi Diana
I can understand how all the stress gets to you and it's hard not to respond to it or react by having anxiety. Hang in there. Try doing something for yourself to help alleviate the stress. You mention that your husband will have insurance next month. Look forward to the time when he'll be able to get help. The 19th is only two weeks away. Your daughter will be getting some help soon as well. Try to stay positive and know that change is around the corner.

Hugs,
Dharma

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 11:26am

Diana,


It sounds as though you need to set some house rules for EVERYONE to follow..


My friend has a son who is really hard to handle.. he has a dx of ADHD but I believe (as does she) that it is a lot more. Anxiety/ Panic...


Her financee and her son argue ALL THE TIME, it is so awful. They feed off of each other and she has gotten to the point where she got a job just so she could get out and have some peace..


She wrote out a list of house rules and had everyone sign it and agree to it.. NO MATTER WHAT..


It sounds simple but it really has worked for them, of course it doesn't help everything but its a start, it makes everyone accountable for their actions since they have all signed and agreed to it...


I hope that helps a bit..


Take Care!


Hugs,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 11:30am
That sounds like excellent advice Heather!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 12:22pm
(((Diana))) I am sorry to hear that things are still rough for you. Have your meds helped @ all? It sounds to me as if your dd is taking advantage of you & the situation. ITA with Heather, that you need to set down clear boundaries now. Before things get out of hand. All kids really want limits, no matter what they might say or how hard they push against them. She's @ the age when the pushing can really make or break her development of self & independence. You don't need this extra stress. There may be some help available to you through the county. Parenting classes are ideal. Having a caseworker come in to observe & help set up a list like Heather spoke of. Don't be ashamed to seek help. You need all the support you can to get yourself well. When we aren't feeling good, I know how easy it is to throw a blanket over
 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 8:12pm

I remember when my daughter was that age and trying to find her own identity.

Judy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2005
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 9:39pm

Thank you ladies for being here for me and letting me vent!!!!

Everything has calmed down now. Dh finished with her room, and he even did the kitchen and living room for me!! <<>> They are playing the playstation together. HE is helping her. I love it when they actually get along! I am in my room, relaxing and just trying to mellow out.

Just wanted to update you wonderful ladies and let you know that I'm a little better. I had a HUGE fast coming attack while out to eat, but Dh was supportive through it with me.

Thanks ladies,
Diana

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 12:30am

Hi Diana,
So good to hear from you, especially your 2nd post. I am so glad things are better!

The girls had some great advice for you, maybe you can still look into these ideas?
I thought they were wonderful! :0D

And it is so great that your dh was supportive of you through your p/a. It is so important to have that kind of support from our loved ones. <3
I hope dh will get to be home permanently soon.
Here's a BIG HUG!
love, shasta

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 9:13am
Glad to hear it all worked out!