New here and need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
New here and need help
5
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 12:09am

My name is Stephanie - I am new to the board. I have generalized anxiety, social anxiety, and panic disorders. I have had them all since around the age of five (am now 35). Most attacks are not provoked, some involve very strange, frightening thoughts that escalate from one fear to a bigger one, then a bigger one still, etc.

I am currently on short term disability with my company because over the last 5 months, my anxiety and panic have skyrocketed. THis is partly due to the fact that over the 5 months that I ahve worked for this very large, very prestigious accountancy firm, I ahve been hararssed and bullied on a dialy basis by the partner for whom I work. This personis also a racist who makes constant racist remarks about my colleagues. Dealing with my situation has been a nightmare. I complained to management and begged for help, but nothing was done despite many promises. To make a long story short, I could not take anymore and had to leave my job.

Now, after a month of short term disability leave, my company has suddenly decided that I need to qualify for this benefit. An insurance agent left me a message today explaining very coldly that I would have to "justify my absence" to my employers if I wanted to keep getting paid. As I am sure many of you can imagine, this has made my panic about ten billion times worse. I can understand the need for paperwork, but not the cold, heartless treatment. In the case of a person with anxiety, this behaviour is like salt on an open wound! I cannot understand how it makes sense to them. I do have to talk to them however, so I am wondering if anyone out there has any advice about how to approach this. I have panic attacks when I imagine this person calling me back to file my claim. I don't know how to get through it.

I am having very desperate thoughts right now. I am on Prozac, 50mg per day, and Ativan as needed. Nothing is working. I get maybe ten minutes per day of non-panic time. I am seeing the psychiatrist again tomorrow.

Thanks for reading and for any advice.

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 12:34am

Hi, Stephanie & welcome. You are NOT alone. I have had panic disorder for 38 years. So, I'm an old hand. I was afraid to drive for 3 years once & couldn't get in the car & drive 3 minutes to my job. That was a very low point in my life. I was able to overcome it with alot of hard work using the small step method.


I am sorry that your work is harrassing you. I don't understand all the in's & out's of short term disability, but most companies offer it & you pay into it. With the understanding that it will be there when YOU feel you need it. Not like long term disability through the government. They have most folks evaluated thoroughly by professionals to decide if you qualify.

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 1:37am
Hello Stephanie, and WELCOME to our warm and caring community!
I am so sorry to hear about all of the stress you are under, I can totally relate. I worked at a credit union in the accounting department for 13 years, and was under tremendous stress due to all kinds of turmoil in the institution. I finally quit, as like you, I just couldn't take it anymore, so I feel your pain. I am so glad you get to see your psychiatrist tomorrow, maybe you could take a list with you, listing all of the problems that are bothering you, and your doctor can give you some tips on how to deal with them. Also be sure to tell your doctor that you don't feel your current meds are working for you. Maybe they can change the dosage or even try something new?
And,Jan had great advice, as always! :0)
Please let us know how you are doing tomorrow,k?
You are very welcome here, please post as much as you'd like!
Sending P&PT's your way!
hugs, shasta
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 9:15am
Hi Stephanie. The great thing is you're not alone. There's a lot of support here and other places for people in our situations. Sometimes that alone makes a big difference. Let us know how your doc appointment goes today. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 10:41am

Stephanie,


Welcome..


I am sorry to hear about whats going on with you. Jan and Shasta gave you some great advice...


As far as your job goes...? I am wondering if you have an advocate or someone that you can turn to for legal help with your company. I know that in my state anxiety is taken very seriously and companies have to be very careful how they handle these things.


GL and I hope it all turns out well!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 11:12am

Welcome Stephanie!!! You have come to the right place.

Most definately let your Dr. know what's been going on. It may be that you need a tweeking to your meds. Are you in therapy as well?? It might help talking to someone to get some non-biased perspective. You can definately come here any time you like. All of the people here are caring and wonderful.

As far as work is concerned, I'm sorry to hear about it. It seem like a common theme with people who work and suffer from anxiety disorders. People who don't have an anxiety disorder have no idea what we suffer with everday, and tend to get judgemental. I think I would have to question your company as to why they are just now asking for you to justify your absence. If you were approved for you short term disability to begin with, why would they question it now? I'm sure if you asked your psychiatrist, he/she would be more than willing to write something on your behalf. Are you planning at some point to return to your job? Is there an employee assistance program? Maybe you could go to someone there and explain the problems you're having.

I understand that it's hard to try to explain to people that you work with that you are having problems, but having anxiety disorder is just as real as someone who visible physical problem. It's a shame that we don't get taken seriously because we don't have something people can see. Lately my policy has been just to get it out in the open from the start. I don't hide that I have problems with anxiety. That takes a great deal of stress off and you don't have to suffer in silence. That's just me. I'd rather put the ball in their court.

I hope this makes some sense to you. Let us know how you're appt goes today. Take care of yourself.

Chrystal

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