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| Fri, 12-09-2005 - 2:39pm |
I'm not in the best place right now. It's been hard for me lately. I've posted twice on the bp board so I'm just going to post the link, It's too much for me to write again. I just want you all to know that I am here, I'm thinking of you all and that I have not just disappeared.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-bhbipolar&msg=10813.1
I hope that you are all doing well. My thoughts & positive thoughts are with you all.
Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,
Danielle
Host of Tuesday Night Anxiety, Panic & Phobia's Chat 7 - 9 pm MST
"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." --Unknown
The first site below was done for me by

((((Danielle))))
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a rough time right now but I'm really glad you reached out here and on the BP board. Sometimes just knowing others know how you feel and have been in the same place can help a lot.
I'm also happy to hear that despite your dark thoughts you didn't act on anything. I'm sure your family would be devasted and it's great that you realize that. I don't know your full story so I'm not sure what treatment your receiving for the BPD. Can you give your doc a call and speak with him/her about how your feeling and see what they can do to help? Do you speak with a therapist at all?
I'm glad you came out and let us all know how you are and what's going on. Feel free to vent anytime and ask for a shoulder any time you need one!
I do have a therapist, I see her on Monday. I should have seen her last Monday but the weather was very bad here. I suppose this is why I've been missing chat so much, I feel horrible because here I am supposed to be responsible for chat and I'm not even there : ( I seem to just be skimming through the days and not actually doing much of anything but Christmas shopping, lol
When I finally talked to my dh last month about what I was feeling he was devistated, he even cried. It was hard on me watching him be like that.
For me the BPD is a new thing although I think the p/tdoc knew all along. I've been doing my own research on it. I found a wonderful book that I am almost done with and then I will start on my bp book. It seems that the combination of the 2 is just an ugly mix : ( I've got to learn how to control the BPD. I think that is more destructive to me than the bp is.
Anyhow, Thank you for being here. Thank you all for being here. I'm glad I have some place to turn.
Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,
Danielle
Host of Tuesday Night Anxiety, Panic & Phobia's Chat 7 - 9 pm MST
"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." --Unknown
The first site below was done for me by
Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,
((Danielle)) I'm sorry you are in such a bad place. Do you think having the diagnosis of BPD is overwhelming you and not the symptoms?? Does that make sense? I remember when my therapist suggested I might be BP, that set me back ALOT. Not the way I was feeling or acting, but the actual suggestion of such a thing. It really disrupted my life for awhile. I find I fare much better when I don't dwell on diagnosis. My son & my dh have both been diagnosed with BPD. I don't think either of them have it & I've lived with them, their pdocs haven't. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are thinking too much. You have a beautiful family and I know you are thankful for that. Share in their joys. Christmas shopping IS GOOD, don't feel guilty because you have missed chat. Although I miss chatting with you & your friendship, I know if you aren't there, you are either busy or not feeling well. THAT'S OKAY :) If you want me to do chat for you the next couple of weeks, or at any other time, just drop me an email. I'll be glad to meet & greet for you, lol. You're a beautiful person Danielle, inside & out, don't let the negative thoughts overwhelm you & win.
Hugs,
Sheri Ann
Sheri Ann
Hi Sherri Ann,
I don't think it's the dx that's overwhelming me as much as I'm realizing that it is true. Learning about it is helping though because I can see what I have not been able to see. This book is amazing, It makes it easier to realize what you are doing and then how to work on it. We all know that if you do not see it you can't work on it and that is a big step. I do not doubt this dx at all, The bp I've struggled with but not this one.
It really doesn't matter in the end what the dx is but how to make myself better. How to feel better, How to treat others better, How to most importantly to fill this ugly void that lives within me.
Thank you for all of your beautiful words. I need to get back to chat, It's a form of therapy for me even if all we do is gibber gabber about nothing at all. It makes me feel better to be with those who understand and know that there is still fun to be had.
Thank you for being here.
Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,
Danielle
Host of Tuesday Night Anxiety, Panic & Phobia's Chat 7 - 9 pm MST
"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." --Unknown
The first site below was done for me by
Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,
Danielle, I'm sending lots & lots & lots of hugs your way. Chat sure is uplifting to me. We haven't been talking much about anxiety, just chatting, which has been especially nice for me as I have no adults to talk to except dh. Yikes! lol. Maybe we'll see you next week :)
Sheri Ann
Sheri Ann
Oh Danielle!
Thank you Heather.
This started before my surgery, about a month before, how I remember I don't know but I do. I don't think this is one thing in particular, this just is. Ya know how there are things in life that "just are" well this is one of them. Yes, I have a lot going on but I don't feel that any of those things are the cause of the way I feel. I've been like this my whole life and that's why I'm sure about this. I'm not totally sure who I am or what makes me tick but I do know how I tick, If that makes any sense.
Thank you for being here too.
Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,
Danielle
Host of Tuesday Night Anxiety, Panic & Phobia's Chat 7 - 9 pm MST
"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." --Unknown
The first site below was done for me by
Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,
Darn it! My post was jettisoned into cyberspace): I will try again!
Here goes, Danielle. The way I see it, we're alot alike. We have trouble accepting things we don't want to hear. I admire folks who can, but for me, I secretly like to rebel a little. In the end I think I'm a stronger & better person for it.
This diagnosis has been your Waterloo. It has nagged @ you for some time now. Eventually you'll come to terms with it. Much like grief, it will slowly resolve as time passes &
Thanks Jan. I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head. I've always expected more from myself than others have and I expect myself to give more than I can. It's just the way I have always been. You're right that this is not something that I can just get rid of. I'm trying to face it in the way that usually works for me best and that is researching, learning about it. That has always been my way and slowly I'm understanding and in that way I am helping myself. It's always harder to see from the inside of the bubble and I'm working on breaking the bubble but it's going to take time. I have many wonderful people in my life but of course the one person I need most cannot give herself to me. I've made my efforts and can do no more which I have accepted. I now need to take care of myself. I look forward to dh going on leave for the Christmas holiday. We need the time together as a family, as a couple and it will give me more of an opportunity to give myself the time that I need.
I think what I am most frustrated with right now is that in some odd way I know why I feel the way I do but I don't know how to stop it. It's like watching a tidal wave coming your way and you just don't know how to stop it. You know you can't so what do you do from there? I know hiding is not an option, facing it is what I need to do. Il'l get there, I know I will but in the mean time I simply have to continue to tread water.
I hate that others have to understand what I am going through because it means that they are also but it feels good not to be alone.
Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,
Danielle
Host of Tuesday Night Anxiety, Panic & Phobia's Chat 7 - 9 pm MST
"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." --Unknown
The first site below was done for me by
Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,
with your BP!! You are you the person you have always been
put a label on a person and they become it! I say stay with
who you are and remember we care about you! Just stop into chat
if you want to. I hope that soon you will be able to join us again!
Hugs! Judy