trust, anxiety, depression, ...help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2005
trust, anxiety, depression, ...help?
4
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 3:26pm
How is everyone? Ok, I'm new to this board and I have a question. I stress really bad and I have panic attacks. Its like I sit there and conjure up stuff in my head to worry about. It's gotten really bad to where its effecting my relationship with my finace. He has never done a thing to hurt me or for me to not trust him, but due to the past I'm unable to trust him, and I constantly think of things in my head that I "assume" hes thinking or doing. I always assume hes wanting someone else instead of me. He goes to band practice and I assume that hes wanting the drummers wife. I mean its gotten out of hand and I dont know what to do. I see a therapist, but I need advice from other peers who maybe feel the way I do. I do have very low self esteem, but why cant I just act normal in the head and learn to trust him? Does anyone know where I'm coming from? Can you offer some advice? A big part of it is that I have no family, and I'm so scared to be alone. So when he does his thing I sit at home all alone and then I start thinking and assuming....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 4:13pm

I can relate to "Its like I sit there and conjure up stuff in my head to worry about." I do this all the time. I have had too much free time on my hands due to lack of work right now. We tend to worry about the things and people we care the most. The feelings of mistrust towards your fiance are probably the what if's that plague alot of us with anxiety issues. The more you don't want to think about it the more the thoughts seem to come. I have OCD along with my anxiety and panic attacks and I have found that really the only way to successful overcome those what if thoughts is to accept that there is no certainities in life. We can't be 100% certain about anything but we can try to accept what is most proabable (i.e your boyfriend most likely is not interested in the drummers wife your feelings are just a symptom of your anxiety and worry nothing more) Remember to stay positive. Sometimes I find it helpful to talk back to myself with positive self talk like I will tell myself "I am not going to let the anxiety win" "I will beat this thing." Be positive with yourself say things to yourself like "Obviously my fiance loves me" "I am a great women and I can do this". I know its hard and the low self esteem thing is hard to get over but it is possible. Just remember your not alone and this board is a great place to talk.

Candie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 4:15pm

I can relate to the constant negative thinking & *what iffing* that is very problematic for those with anxiety. Whoever invents a button to turn off our thoughts will become a billionaire:)


You can work on this by allowing yourself a set amount of time to worry about these thoughts. Say 20 minutes. Then get on with your life by keeping physically

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 4:17pm

Hello and welcome. The best advice I can give you is to establish your own identity and interests. When we become dependent on one single person, they become the center of our lives which can cause extreme anxiety should anything ever happen to them (as you're experiencing). If you have your own interests and are your own person you always have yourself to rely on. Even if you don't have any family or close friends you can always join a group of some type where you could meet new people. You can check in your community for things that might interest you or at a community college. Take an art class, join a book group, learn to knit...anything to get yourself out of the house and out of your head so you don't sit around waiting for him and thinking of these scenarios that make you crazy.

We can still be our own person even when with someone. Your boyfriend is doing just that and so should you.

Good luck!




Edited 12/13/2005 4:19 pm ET by d_h_a_r_m_a

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2005
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 8:05am
Thanks for understanding. See I moved up here about a year ago and I didnt know anyone. I have no family...my parents are deceased. I have one friend that lives back home and I cant talk to her. I dont know ANYONE up here. I've tried making friends up here, but nothing has worked. So my finance and his family have pretty much taken me in. Thats why I'm so paranoid to lose them. I fear so much. I know that we have grown distant in the past few weeks due to me and I'm scared to death. Hes graduating next year, and due to school and his band, I wont see him at all Mon-Thurs...so I'll be at home all alone while my mind plays games with me. Let me tell you..my mind is my worst enemy.