Dating causing anxiety

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Dating causing anxiety
14
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 2:13pm

I've been seeing a guy for 2 months. We

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 2:24pm

As one of the single gals on this board, I can totally relate to what you posted. Even without having panic or anxiety, it is nerve wracking to be in a new relationship. It really activates our fears of loneliness and abandonment and all kinds of scary things. Plus, if we really like someone, we become vulnerable and that makes everyone feel a little fragile.

I think that it is more common to go days without talking early on in a relationship, but that is a huge generalization. It really depends on the two people in the relationship and what they want and need from one another. Does this man know about your anxiety? Have you told him how nervous it makes you feel when you don't hear from him for days? It sounds to me like you may need to talk it out with him. You have to see that your needs are being taken care of.

On a side note, you said that you can only think about him and that you are obsessing over the relationship. It helps to try to have some balance in your life (I know, easier said than done). Maybe it would be good to spend some time doing things that you like on your own or spending some time with your friends so that you aren't so dependent on him for your happiness. Do you have any hobbies? I mill soap and bead jewelry and really find that it helps. I enjoy doing it on my own and it really helps me to relax to do crafts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 3:18pm

I am a single parent and that takes up a huge part of my time. I don't have any hobbies because of this. I don't have many friends either...haven't lived here that long. This guy is my closest friend right now. I'm sure that is a big part of the problem. If I had many friends and an active social life I wouldn't have this problem. These past 2 days I have been going nuts at home with my daughter. I

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 3:43pm
Does he know about your anxiety and have you discussed with him how it makes you feel when you don't hear from him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 4:16pm
No, he has no idea. I keep trying to play it cool but inside I'm a basket case.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 4:46pm

Welcome! It's nice to have you here. I am sorry to hear that you're suffering from anxiety. You are NOT alone!

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 8:07pm

Wow, it sounds like you're really struggling with this relationship right now.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 9:54pm

No, the neighbor and this guy do not have a history. I think I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. I've said something to him

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 11:13pm

That's great!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 8:54am

This is something we talked about on the living single message board (you should stop on by there - it's a great group of women and there are single moms there too). We all have things that we don't want to share early on in a relationship. Several of us are on antidepressants or have panic disorder or OCD and it's such a sticky situation. When do you reveal that to someone you are seeing? It's a REALLY personal thing and there is still a social stigma attached to having emotional struggles (which is really too bad considering the percentage of the population that has these struggles). But at the same time, not telling the person you are with means that you have to take the burden of it all on yourself and this is particularly difficult early on in a relationship when we are so vulnerable.

I am glad that he called and that you feel better. I hope that you continue to be happy with the relationship and that it develops in a way where you can eventually share your fears with him and that he is understanding and supportive. We all need and deserve that.

Jules

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 6:56pm

Ugh! I'm not doing well at all right now. I felt great last night and all day today until I got a text msg from him at 4:30 today saying how about tomorrow night we see Pirates of the Carribean on the big screen downstairs (meaning the other single mom's place...she just got a new TV). He'll bring the movie, I should bring the popcorn, and the other single mom would provide the tv. As soon as I read that I could feel my mood deflate and I started having a

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