Let the Intense Therapy Begin
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| Wed, 12-28-2005 - 3:31pm |
I had therapy yesterday for the first time in 6 weeks and let me tell you she got so deeply under my skin, I was fuming mad. The funny thing is that she was mostly right and honestly this is the way to get me going.
She told me she felt that I was not making the effort to change my behaviors related to the bpd. That is only partially true but some of it is. I still need to learn how to control my anger, my anxiety, my irritation, that leads to my meltdown. That is only one aspect of it.
She feels that I have not accepted that the bp is a serious, long term illness and will need to be on meds, possibly for the rest of my life. She said that there are people who can go months without meds but at this point doesn't see me as one of them. She says I place too much blame on the lexapro which I do. No one has a crystal ball but a large part of me believes that the lexaporo set this all off for me. (For those of you on lexapro and not knowing much about bp, any SSRI can set off a bp patient and from what I understand this only happens to bp patients. I don't want to scare anyone off of lexapro.) She feels that I am being stubborn about my current meds and I am. I'm afraid of meds even though I know they can be helpful. I hate to say it again but after what the lexapro did how can I not question what I take and do it more carefully.
Basically she was challenging me and doing it fiercely. This is one of the only ways to get under my skin and get me going. She told me that I need to think about what she said and decide where I want to go from here. She'd like me to make a list of things that I think might help to change my behaviors even if I can't do that right now, It'd be a long term goal. IMHO she is telling me to decide whether I will continue therapy with her or not. She is a strong woman that is for sure. I've done a lot of reading and one thing that is constant is that there are many therapists that will not take on bpd patients, too much stuff involved. Right now I'm going to continue with her, I think she can handle me, I think she can push me, I think she can help me. I don't want to be this way. I can't change the bp but I sure can work to change the bpd and I am going to.
I just hope I'm ready for what I know is going to be very intense therapy.

Well it sounds like you are certainly up for the challenge. I think it sounds like it could really work for you and I applaud you for being open and following through with this. Many people would be scared off by her method. But you want so desperately to get the help you need and that is evident with your positive attitude toward your therapy.
I wish you luck with your future sessions and please keep us posted as to how well (or not well) it works for you!
Jennifer
"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi
Just 2 things I have shared before, Danielle. I had the most success with a therapist that confronted me & made me confront my own behavior every visit. I was guaranteed a panic attack each time I saw her. I also was given homework. Problems to work on. Ways to deal differently with my issues & bring back a report on how it worked. It made me accountable. TBH, I learned along time ago in psychology classes, that you really should not *LIKE* your therapist. You're not going to visit a friend. You're going to learn how to cope & change your behavior. I think people place too much emphasis on getting along with their *t.*
You have alot to think about. It will be difficult to decide what direction you'll take. I hope you choose the best course for you. I want you to succeed. I have a vested interest in seeing you better & back to your old self. Good luck! (((hugs))) jan
Thank You. I don't expect this to be easy on either one of us. I am doing my reading to try and understand this all a bit better. I believe that knowledge is power and I've told that to many a person so I'm going to practice what I preach.
Hugs
Danielle
Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,
I think you are completly righ Jan. Right now I don't like Jane and I know that is the best posistion for us to be in. I know she is a nice lady and I like her in that way, I am comfortable with her however the way she is taking me on is something I do not like. I know I will not look forward to therapy but I also know that I respond to the hard truth. She made a comment that she could baby me and I cut in that it is not an approach I respond to as I hate when people baby me. I've already warned her that I will get mad at hre but I also know in between sessions I will think about things and realize that she is right, most of the time. It's a good approach for me.
Hugs
Danielle
Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,
Danielle - I agree, it sure sounds like you are up to the challenge!!
Sheri Ann
Denial is a very strong emotion that I am dealing with right now. I have to come to acceptance as far the bp is concerned. The bpd is much easier to accept but I have a feeling it's going to be harder to work with. I've got my work cut out for me and Jane does too. She is brave enough to take me in as a patient and that is why I think we can make some headway with all of this. I'm going to need all the luck I can get so Thank you and keep sending me more, lol
Hugs
Danielle
Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,
I am sending you good luck, hugs, P&PTs and lots of good karma :)
Sheri Ann
Seriously though, It's terrifying
Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,
Danielle,
I am confident that you will do GREAT! You will come out of this a better happier person, just look forward to the final result.
I know that it will be hard for you but I also know that you are strong and will be OK.. you WILL make it through and we will all be here to help you.
HUGS!!!
Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,