Somebody recently mentioned this:
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| Wed, 12-28-2005 - 6:18pm |
About one's spouse being a trigger.
Well, we did a lot of digging in therapy today and came to discover that my relationship with dh is a HUGE trigger and that it might actually be the reason for my panic attacks to begin with!!!
We have a loving marriage. I love him sooooo much and he very obviously loves me and the kids too. However, we have a huge communication problem. We see things so differently (this is probably typical of a lot of new marriages). DH doesn't validate me when I express things that bother or upset me. His response is always, "Well, you have me now so everything is okay." or "I bought you this nice house so everything should be just fine."
What he fails to understand is it's not fine. I'm not about material items. I need things to be mutual and I need support. Ever since I moved here with him I've lost my sense of control in my life. He makes major purchases without me. I'm not included in any major decisions. That's just the beginning. When I bring something to his attention that upsets me, he gets defensive and snaps at me. He doesn't hear me and thus I have backed down from communication these things with him.
There's way more to it and it would take too long to type it all out. But at least I'm really gaining some clear perspective on what is going on with me. We think that the reason I obsess over my health is because it's a valid excuse for my panic attacks. DH does validate my health issues and panic attacks. And my counselor suggested that maybe it's too scary for me to deal with our issues and it's just easier to have medical scares. Like it's the lesser of two evils.
This is just getting more and more interesting. And things are really making sense. I think we are on the right track here. I also think this can be worked out and our marriage can be made better. I really do! I just have to learn how to communicate to him and deal with his possible reactions. We are going to do some role-playing later on so I can learn new skills.

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I never saw how my self-centered my dh is either, until recently.
Sheri Ann
Quote:
" he just wants me to "suck it up" and get better."
If only it was that easy, right? They fail to understand that we want to be able to do that even more than they want us to!
I don't much like to confide in my family either. They really appreciate dh for taking me and the kids on and providing like he has. So I don't say much. I do talk to my mom but in a very limited way.
I think with my dh, I just need to retrain him some. And in the process retrain myself to stick up for me more and communicate more effectively with him. Right now I let way to many things slide. I think I feel guilty cuz my kids aren't his kids (well they are cuz they call him dad and their dad isn't involved) but I feel like I have no equal rights and he's making all the sacrafices. So hopefully in therapy, my counselor and I can come up with an effective way for me to communicate to him and get him to begin understanding better.
Jennifer
"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi
Lynn
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