anxiety attacks ruining rel. w/BF

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
anxiety attacks ruining rel. w/BF
1
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 10:15pm
I had to drive to OK to go to my Aunts funeral yesterday. I had previously told my bf that I would call him Friday, b/c i thought I would be busy with relatives, but I got overloaded and sad...I just needed to get away, so I went to my hotel room to be alone. I really wanted to hear his voice and just chat with him. Well, I called him at 9pm and he didn't anwswer. I called his cell and landline. I thought that was so strange as he doesn't go out a lot with friends. I left a message asking him to call me. I never heard back and I started freaking out thinking all of these horrible things like that he was out with another woman on the day of my Aunts funeral. I just spun out of control in my thoughts. I really believed he was out cheating on me. I repeatedly called his landline and I also texted his cell asking him to please call as it was quite a day and I needed to talk. This made me so sick...I felt like I had hormones raging through my body and I felt sick...I got diarrhea and couldnt sleep all night. I was crying and so upset. I have never felt that sick on the spot like that. It was a horrible panic attack...I am really scared about my thoughts spinning out of control.
He called me this morning at 9am. He left a message b/c I was at breakfast and didn't take my phone. He sounded nice saying he just woke up. I totally didn't believe him at all. He never goes to bed earlier than midnight and he expects me to believe he was home and promises he didn't hear the ringer. When I called him back we had a long talk and I was basically accusing him of lying to me and I said I knew he wasn't home all night b/c I called all night long maybe 15 times from 9pm-7am. I really believed he called me right when he got home from where ever...a girl's house at 8am,perfect timing for her to get to work and him go home (he's on vacation time from work). We got in a huge fight and he acted like a jerk saying i wasn't suppose to call him anyway till friday. i said my aunt died, would it be that strange for me to need to talk suddenly thursday night after the funeral!
He was swearing on his mother's grave that he was home alone all night. I still don't know if i believe him, but I got so sick about it that I feel like I just need to believe him to feel better.
I definitely psycoed out and if he was really home, then I am totally crazy for being so paranoid. At the same time I just think it is so strange that he wouldn't hear that ringer as it is really loud in his house.
Bottom line is that I got so physically sick and spun out mentally thinking he wasn't there for me and cheating on me on the day of my Aunts funeral. I couldn't sleep all night, and felt raging hormones/panic going through my body...I was up every 20 mins with diarrhea for a few hours.
What should I do? I just never want to feel that way again. I should trust him. We usually don't have issues like this between he and I. I really freaked him out though and we almost broke up. I swear it felt so real and I was telling myself that was the truth that he was cheating on me...I didn't even give him the benefit of the doubt that he might actually be out cold sleeping. I cried all morning after the initial conversation wtih him and then when I drove back home to Dallas, he and I had to talk again before I really felt okay like I believed him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 6:53am

Hi! WB. It's been awhile since you posted. I do hope that since you saw your bf & had the talk that you're feeling better. Also, please accept my sincerest