Okay you guys: I'm desperate!
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| Sat, 12-31-2005 - 11:15am |
This anxiety is really taking a toll. I am trying so hard to fight it and to live as normal a life as I can.
Each morning I wake up so uncomfortable. Chest pains, dizziness, anxiety with the hot flashes. It's too much!!!!! Of course when I go to my doctor or to the ER nobody finds anything significant. There seems to be nothing wrong with me even though it totally feels like there is. I'm in tears. I'm so done with this CRAP!!!!!!
I have been praying to God to just heal me; I've been praying for Him to take away all the discomfort, sorrow, and fear. And it seems He does here and there. But then it all comes back again. Maybe I am lacking in faith or something. I don't know.
It's reaching a point where I wish my body would decide to either get better or give up and die. I'm suffering so much. Why does panic disorder have to be like this?
What's worse: my kids need me. When my mornings are especially tough and my sweet little daughter wants to snuggle or play, I end up feeling frustrated cuz I can't do that. I'm too preoccupied with trying to feel normal. I'm too scared. And she deserves better. My 14 year old ds loves to talk to me. But I can't really focus on what he is saying sometimes and I feel just terrible about that.
If the stupid pain in my chest would just go away. And the stupid dizziness would stop, I think I could get a better handle on this. But it won't stop. It doesn't stop. I feel like I'm truly stuck and there seems to be no way out.
:(

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Have you called your pdoc? I am sorry you feel or felt this way, What happen anything? Or meds? Ok I know alot of questions sorry, I gues RN school is starting to come out. You can email me or what ever works I am here.. as all of us.Deep breaths slowing helps me sometimes thinking of something good,food or a trip or even a nice smell of my favorite flower, hey I am having a question on how to send the New Years at home, some have movies plan and so on but, need more suggestion, at first I thought of writing in a journal or starting one, but I have 9 year old and want to do something at home and make it fun for her. Do you have any suggestions? I will write in the jounal later.
Lynn
What worked for me when I was feeling as you are, was to take a xanax when I woke up to go to the bathroom, early in the morning, lay back down for 20-30 minutes & then start my day.
Sheri Ann
Thanks for all the support, everyone. I'm on Zoloft 25mg and Xanax .5mg. Plus I do go to counseling weekly. Overall I seem to have been making progress. I haven't had a full blown panic attack in like nine days. But the anxiety is still present and felt so noticeable this morning. It's like being tortured and I just want it to stop. I want to get off the ride now.
There is something about mornings that set me off everyday. We are exploring this in therapy. Not exactly sure why it's like this but it is. Makes it so hard to get up and get the kids ready and off to school. But being alone is even worse. I hate being alone.
I just don't understand why I get those ten second dizzy spells and why I have off and on chest pains. Those two things set my anxiety and panic into motion.
Tonight I'm trying to make chicken parmasan for dinner and we bought some snacks. Figure we'll play some board games or something. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. I don't know how much more of this I can truly take.
Jennifer
"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi
I am SO SORRY. I used to do what Sheri Ann suggested.. I take klonopin and I would get up, take it and lay down for a half hour and let it work. I did this for about 2 months... In fact I had a pretty bad Panic Attack last night and this morning I did the same, only I got up at 9am.. had chest pains and felt "unreal" so I took the meds and stayed in bed until 11:30. Dh was great and kept cuddeling with me.
How long have you been on the meds??? My pdoc now asks me how I feel my life is and if I can live with my anxiety the way it is.. up until yesterday I said yes but I am falling into a funk. Anyway, my pdoc suggested upped my lexapro a bit more or BuSpar or Seroquel along with the lexapro.
Maybe you need your meds tweaked a bit. My pdoc tells me to take more klonopin when I am going through a really hard time. Maybe you can do the same....
I PRAY that you will have a good night! I know how you are feeling, I really do and it IS SO HARD.... BUT I have made it through those dark times (we all have) so PLEASE TRY to enjoy your family and the holiday. Take a bath or sit and read a book if you have to for a bit...
As Sheri Ann said, If you need to chat PLEASE post and I'm sure that one of us will be able to chat. I know that i will be home all night...
HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So you get chest pains too? I keep forgetting it's one of the main symptoms of panic and anxiety. Whenever I get it my mind immediately starts fearing a heart attack. I got to get over that. It's so hard not trusting my body anymore. I feel so stuck inside here wishing this would stop. I'm not suicidal though. I didnt' want anyone to worry. I just mean that if something is seriously wrong with me why can't I just hurry up and die or hurry up and feel good? I hate this inbetween crap. It's torture. The worst I've ever experienced.
I've been on the Zoloft now since the last week in October. I've had such a trying time with it...getting over the side effects. Infact I'm back down to 25mg from 50 cuz I couldn't handle even the 50mg. Isn't that weird? Plus I have had the Xanax now for two weeks.
I think what I need is a Pdoc. I'm still seeing my family doctor. I need him to refer me to a pdoc in order for the insurance to cover it. I think it might be time to go that route. Although I am so frightened of medications. I hate the side effects. makes me feel so much worse before I begin seeing results. It seems like things really spiraled out of control for me after I began taking any meds. Even though the Zoloft totally took away the 'unreality' feeling. It left in it's place the panic attacks. Maybe Zoloft isn't right for me afterall. Something to ponder.
Thank you all for coming to my rescue today and offering all this support. It means so much to me to know I'm not alone in this. So far I'm doing okay. I made dh take us to his parents' house this afternoon. They are getting ready to move so we have been helping here and there. Basically we just ended up visiting. But it was a nice distraction. MIL is a nurse too, so I brought up my chest pains and dizzy spells. She knows about my panic attacks and she tried to assure me that my heart has nothing to do with what is going on.
I did manage to make the chicken parm when we got back. It turned out great. It's my family's favorite dish. I promised DD we'd play her new Dora the Explorer CandyLand game in a little while. I got some cheese, crackers, chips & dip. We can watch a movie, play some games. It should be fun. Then we have church tomorrow morning. I have that to look forward to. It helps me soooooo much!
Jennifer
"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi
"I just mean that if something is seriously wrong with me why can't I just hurry up and die or hurry up and feel good?"
I can so relate. I had my first PA when I was 17. That was 35 plus years ago. I felt I was having a heart attack then & still do. I have often thought that dying would be a whole lot easier! LOL See, I can laugh about it now. It's all in the breathing & thinking positive thoughts. Honestly, bluemarlin_girl, I don't have any special abilities. You have the same capabilities as I do. You will get there. It just takes time.
I have an alarm clock with nature sounds. I use it to fall off to sleep when my mind is racing. Is there any chance you could play a relaxing CD or maybe get an alarm clock like mine? Just reach above your head in the morning & turn on
SO HAPPY to hear that you are doing better.
I
I feel for you.. Perhaps your meds are not right for you.. I could not take using the Zoloft I think you mentioned?... in your posts further down.. It made me feel strange, although I am taking zanax..I know I probably spelled it wrong... as I usually do.. I take the generic form alprazolam 0.5 mg, whenever I need it or feel anxious, but I have been on it about 2 years now and up til the past month it was working pretty good taking it that way, but I had my first full blown panic attack while driving to work one morn last month and it scared me big time, ..I thought of course at the time I must be really ill or losing my mind... but I had to keep control of the car (no place to turn around) (or stop) and finally with much blinking of my eyes and keeping on talking to myself I kept control of things and the car and got to a place safely where I could turn around and come back home.. I am in menopause and I also have been under stress and after I got home I calmed down after taking a bit more of my med then usual,.. So I have to figure it was a panic attack or a combination of little sleep,( I sometimes don't sleep well) ,lack of sufficent hormones and stress..
The biggest thing with me is the dizzy spells.. The 10 second I think you said ones? I have others that tell me they call them *shockers, I call them *Zingers but those.. they say...are caused from not taking the meds correctly and the brain needs the meds cause it gets use to it and causes this but, I am still not positive and of course no Dr. so just giving what is an opinion from me and others I have talked with...... I am still having much anxiety but doing much reading on the subject.. No more bad panic attacks as of yet..I am taking the zanax a bit more even now but still not as perscribed and my Dr was okay with that but of course I have not talked with him about it since the panic attack that happened.. I have also hot flashes but not to bad... but the dizziness is the worst for me.. I do not have pain in the chest but find if I have discomfort in my chest area ,well I feel my back muscles in the area in my back where it co-incides with the chest area and most times find I am tight in my muscles and that is cauing the discomfort in my chest.. Just a thought you might try.. Heavens knows we sure get tense.. Any ways I shall hopefully keep coming here and joining in with all you out here and adding my insights and learning from yours.. I feel for anyone going through this.. I do a lot of talking to myself... you know pep talks.. to get me through a dizzy anxiety time when out and about.. It most times helps..
Lots of good vitamens also like the Omega 3's that are suppose to help.. B vitamens also.. So I keep reading and trying.. Guess by reading out here I can see I have it mild compared to some out here..
Thanks for reading..
((((((Hugs))))))) Pauseable~
Hi, I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes when I feel anxious (for reasons I don't know), I start to shake, like if I have chills but I'm not cold. I can't get rid of the shaky feeling. I just started taking wellbutrion (100mg) last monday. I finally went to a pdoc, which is what I would suggest you do as soon as you can. They have so much more experience dealing with panic and anxiety. I can't wait for the meds to kick in. I'm also on Klonopin. I hate living with anxiety, I feel like it is so unfair and that I cannot have a normal life. I feel like I can't work or finish school because I don't like to make a commitment because I'm afraid that I'll be sick (with nerves and anxiety) and not be able to continue. Right now I'm going thru extra-stress in my life so it's a lot harder for me than it's ever been.
I saw that some of the people that posted on here have kids. how did you deal with anxiety when you were pg? I'm terrified of being pg but DH and I want a baby so bad. I'm so scared that I will feel sick and anxious the whole 9 months and just be plain miserable. Can someone ease my fears?
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