Can anyone answer this..................

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Can anyone answer this..................
15
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 6:45pm

Do you know the fine line of where you exist and where your illness does?

I've been trying to figure out where I begin and where the illness exists. Guess I just don't know who I am anymore.

I'm stuggling, somewhere within I am still fighting myself. I asked dh the other day, What is normal? Can anyone tell me? Because if there is a definiton for normal then maybe I can understand where I am not. I've got to find a way to understand this or else I'm just going to remain in this holding pattern I've been in.

I want to get off of this detour road and get on the main highway again but I just don't know how. I suppose I'm simply lost.

Thanks for listening to me whine.

~Danielle

Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 7:22pm

I've never contemplated this, Danielle & don't have an answer.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 7:28pm

It's almost as if I see myself as a split person. I don't get it. I've always been this way, this is me and now someone is telling me that this isn't "normal" It's really thrown me through a loop. I really do feel defective now. I just want to go back to being me again and I don't know how to do that with the constant reminder of therapy and pills.

I'll try for chat tonight even if for just a little while.

Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 7:51pm

I wouldn't even presume to know what is normal, Danielle. The only thing I can say for certain is that there's a very fine line between mental health & not mental health. I just searched this out & maybe it will help. It has some good points. (((hugs))) jan


Mental health: What's normal, what's not
Deciding what's normal mental health and what's not is tricky. See how feelings, thoughts and behaviors are classified on the ever-evolving continuum of normalcy. Read more:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/mental-health/MH00042/SI=2782


 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 7:55pm

Well, whoever told you this isn't normal - ask THEM what "normal" is.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 8:02pm
Oh!!Danielle,
I know that feeling all to well. I feel I begin with knowing I am a good person and my panic attacts are the hills in my path I have to climb over and I do get to the other side.. yea there is stones I kick and some are heavey, but they do move.. Normal?? I know it is doing like the majotiy of people do, but I don't really think I have ever been normal and I really don't know if I want to be, I mean just like everyone else than I wouldn't be me? I look at the way I feel about myself, when I start feeling like I don't know who I am, Do and say the following:
1. I come here to get great support and see my dr, so at least I am getting help
2. I haven't quit nursing school and get fair grades.
3. I have a good heart and I care about people.
and from what you have said you are a good person and coming here to get others input,that says to me you are not staying in the so call pattern you say you are in.. So meet with us in chat tonight ok!!! It is fun and alot of good infor.I hope to be able to chat with you tonight... Lynn
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 8:07pm
I suppose what eats at me is that I have lived my life this way, It is who I am, Being so called bipolar has never been an issue for me. Yes, When I was a teenager I had A LOT of rocky times but as I grew into my 20's I maintaned things just fine. I hate to blame the lexapro becuase I have no crystal ball that says that it was the lexapro but that was when things did dramatically change for me. Everything I read on BP suggests that it is possible to have a trigger and once it passes so does the episode. Why can't I be that person? I was never given the opportunity to be that person. Some things are clear as day to me and the others I don't see. I know that we change as we grow and Yes I have changed a lot over the years but why I should be locked into meds I don't understand. To be perfectly honest I only take my meds for my family, not for me and dh knows that. I'd go on the way I've been if I lived my life without a husband & children. I suppose in many ways I do not live for me. I don't stay on this planet for me. I have a lot to work on and I could go on forever but I think you understand what I am saying. I was given a choice to live 2 1/2 years ago when I was near death with my bowel obstruction, I took that chance to live so I don't understand why I'm fighting so hard not to live. Not to accept what I must. I feel like I live behind a lable, I DO NOT want this to be me. I've got to find my way to acceptance because like I told dh the other night, most of the BP can be controlled with meds but the BPD is not. That is behavioral, that is me and so at any time I can override the BP and do what I want to anyhow. I do not argue the BPD, I know that is true and it bothers me less than the BP does even though the first is harder for me to deal with. Oh, I'm just going circles in my head at this point. Sorry for yammering on.

Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 8:09pm
Thank you Lynn for your input.
I don't want to be like everyone else either but I've never thought there was anything wrong with me to start. Yes, I've always wondered about my repressed memories but that was the extent of my not feeling like others. Now I feel like an outcast. I feel seperate from my family & friends. I want to be "MY" normal again and not bound by this.
I'll do my best to get to chat tonight but it probaby will be early in the chat.

Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 8:30pm
Thanks Jan, Leave it to me to confuse an already confusing issue.

Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 8:40pm

yea I have felt that way too and you know I will be my new self,again that will be able to deal with anything at least that is my goal and when I quit smoking boy!!! espically after 33 years boy and my dr. wanted to take me off meds that were working ah no!! why stop something that was working?? boy I was a basket case for real..still maybe alittle I'm sure, LOL but aleast I feel I am in control and if it is my meds or any other tools to get me there than you bet I am not going to let this ever defend me, It crops up at times with out warning yesssss, but the tools I have get me through them and then I can keep learning more ways until I make the goal. You sound very determined to get to the place you want and you will get there, I know you will, but give yourself the time and accept the tools you need to get there. That's not being weak, It is taking the tools to built yourself stronger and stronger, we all need help and I am sure you have giving alot to others, so let others give to you..

Lynn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 8:44pm

Thank you Lynn

I must tell you, I don't know what I would do without you all. I'm so lost most of the time these days and I'm more lost now than when I first started this journey. Maybe that is because I 'm coherent enough to see it. Who knows. I just hate spinning my wheels and going no where at all. I've certainly got my work cut out for myself.

Good luck with the smoking goal. I went 2 months and fell off the wagon. I'll try again when I'm ready.

Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,

Pages