Kim.....
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Kim.....
| Sat, 01-07-2006 - 4:11pm |
You had asked about me and my Christianity. Here is my baptism testimonial that I read to my congregation.. i will start with this and if you would like to talk further you can post or email me through my profile.
It really is amazing how much of a difference having God in my life has made...
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhpanic/?msg=17305.1
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Heather - So sorry for the late reply. I wanted to wait until the right moment to sit down and read your testimonial. Thank you for directing me to it. I grew up in a household with my mom and dad who were not church-goers. My grandma was and took me to a baptist church when I was very young, like 5. My grandma was into the hell-fire-brimstone, teach by fear type of religious beliefs and so was this church. I went there until I was about 14 or 15 and came to dislike it very much. It was always negative. Every time I left there I felt bad like I was a horrible person. They never talked about good things at all and seemed to strive to scare us all. This was the case both in youth church and adult church. One thing really stands out in my mind. When I was about 10 or 11 the youth group wanted to go on an outing for Halloween. So I went with some people I was friends with. I knew the church thought trick or treating was bad but they said we were going somewhere fun. So, I went. They took us out to this place and each group of us entered a few at a time. Had I known what this was, I would never have gone and my parents would not have allowed me to go. They put us in a van and faked a car accident. It was awful - actors showed us how we would look after this car accident and it was very disturbing. It looked like a real scene of a car accident. These people were in misery. Then we attending our own autopsy and then funeral. It was horrible. Then we went to Hell because we had not been saved. It was very upsetting and scary. After that, we exited into this big room with many doors. Each of us was taken into a room alone with someone from the church and they basically said, you see what happens if you do not get saved. Well, let me just say that I was very shaken on the ride home and so were many others. I got home and had nightmares for a while. My parents were not happy. After that, I quit going to church.
I believe in God. I pray quite a bit. I have attended other churches and just have not found one that I like real well yet. But, I do not believe that one has to go to church regularly to have a relationship with God. So, that is not my concern. I guess I just have trouble allowing myself to have true faith, meaning to be able to not worry about things and just let God handle them. Through my worst anxiety spells I have prayed a lot and found some comfort there. I just do not feel I am quite where I should be. I never thought of my past experiences as having any bearing on my concerns now, and maybe they do not, but any which way, I'd like to feel more secure in my faith.
Kim
OMG Kim!
My mouth is wide open!
How dare they do that to children....!! I am in shock that you went through that. I am so sorry for you.
You certinally do not have to go to Church to to believe in God... maybe you can start off with a devotional or something that you can read everyday. That will get you into a routine and maybe help you a bit.
I really have no doubt that your past plays a part in what is going on now, that was just horrific.
Maybe when your ready you could attend a Bible study somewhere nearby... they are usually held at night during the week, that may also be a way to start.
My cousin wasn't sure about going to Church so she started attending events and met the people and now she goes to Church, she just needed to meet people and get comfortable.
I am just a Christian, our service is a lot of singing, we say the Lords Prayer and such but it is not your "old school, make you scared" church. In fact it is just the opposite, it is a very comforting place. I even wear jeans and sneakers sometimes, God doesn't care how we are dressed.
Let me know if you would like to chat more about it, as you saw in my testamonial.. I grew up Catholic and was afraid of the nuns and priest... (not to offend any catholics, just my experiece)
Hugs!