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| Sat, 01-07-2006 - 9:58pm |
Hello, I am new to this message board but am ready to really devote time and energy to
curing myself of this anxiety that I have been experiencing for the last 2.5 years. However, before I can do that, I am still not sure what type of anxiety I have and I need an appropriate diagnosis before I can follow the right path.
In any case, just to give you a brief background of myself, I started to get anxiety when I started graduate school. It was really just situational and dealt with my fear of giving presentations and public speaking. It was very intense, at least, during the first year or so but it was always situational and would go away as soon as I was done with a
presentation. I began to see a counselor about it and even did some cognitive therapy
however the fear of public speaking was still very much ingrained in my system and it was
very hard to shake. Just so you know, my program required us to give presentations on a
weekly basis. It was also a very stressful program, which involved countless all-nighters, etc. Anyhow, I thought that I was on the right track-facing my fears and getting exposure.
However, after the second year, I began to get anxiety in places and situations that were
not at all related to my initial fear. I think it has to do with being soo stressed and so on edge over the course of two years that I just snapped or something or my body chemistry changed. In any case, I initially thought it might be panic attacks but I did not have all the symptoms that are listed as a panic attack. I did not have the rapid beating heart, trembling or shaking. For me, it was more like my muscles would tense up-especially my throat and I would lose my ability to breath. It always felt like I was going to pass out.
Other symptoms included dizziness, pins and needles feeling in my body, tension in the face and the jaw, feelings of unreality, and fuzziness in the brain and in my vision. Some of these symptoms may qualify as a panic attack, however, it wasn't like a 10 minute ordeal but instead would last well over 6 hours or even a few days.
In any case, I still have these feelings but they seem to come on almost a daily basis. It's as if it is written in my DNA that that is how my body is supposed to be. Ironically, I don't have many problems sleeping but as soon as I wake up, bam, it greets me. At this point, I do not know if it is an automatic thought that comes into my head and then it appears or if my body is reacting to a sensation in my body. Either way, it is like background noise to me and I've been able to handle it better these days but I know my body is certainly not relaxed like it should be and I also have really bad stomach and digestive problems as a result as well.
Well, since I've had that, it's just been a downward spiral in a way because just recently within the last 6 months, I've developed yet again another bad habit and it is really starting to ruin my life and my interactions with other people. For some reason, perhaps as a defense mechanism, I have developed a bad habit of holding my breath and tensing up my muscles when I am talking to other people-even my family sometimes. It's almost like I have convinced myself that this will happen when I start to talk to someone else. And the crazy thing is that this is not illusional-I mean it is really physical. So much that it renders my ability to talk since I begin to lose my breath. It has become super stressful for me. I never had anything like this in the past. I loved to talk and socialize with people and if there is anything that is going to destroy me-it's this. I am literally turning down social invitations because of this.
So, now that I have summarized my history with anxiety, I have the following questions:
1. What type of anxiety do you think I have?
2. How can I relax when I am talking-how can I break the cycle? I've tried just accepting it but my throat and muscles just continue to tense up and close up on me so much that I can't think or concentrate let alone socialize.
3. How can I just relax? The only way that I've been able to really relax is when I am talking to myself all day to relax and repeating positive affirmations and doing breath work but what kind of life is that when I have to do that ALL day. I just want to be me again and be able to focus on the present moment and not have this chemical running through my body all the time.
Sorry this is soo long but I'm at my whits end now. I really feel like I am losing control over my life and turning into a crazy woman!! I've even considered going to an intensive anxiety retreat or living in among Buddhist monks if I have to. I really cannot live like this anymore.
THANKS!!!

Hi and welcome to our community!
Sheri Ann
Well you came to the right place...
I can't diagnose but it does sound like Panic Attacks....it just seems as though it started small and progressed.
Some ways to relax that I use..
-counting.. when I feel shakey or anxious I lay or sit and count backwards.. it helps to redirect my mind and thoughts
-belly breathing... breathe in through your nose and let you stomach expand, you will be getting a cleansing breath and then let it out through your mouth. Do this repeadly...
-stop... picture a stop sign in your head and focus on it, this will also help to redirect
-don't drink caffeine or use nicotine, both can make anxiety worse
-take a multivitamin, eat well and exercise... it is amazing how much exercise can help anxiety.. it seems to take it all away.
I would also suggest that you see a therapist and psychiatrist. A therapist can give you some great coaping tools and psychiatrist can prescribe meds that will help you. Studies show that a combination of thearpy and medication are the best tools for dealing with anxiety.
Please let us know how you are and post anytime, we are here...
Hugs,
Welcome! It's nice to see you:) In 2.5 years it's unusual to NOT have a diagnosis of what sort of anxiety you suffer from. What does your therapist say?