Another bizarre night....long rant....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Another bizarre night....long rant....
7
Sun, 02-12-2006 - 12:35pm

So last night I couldn't even think about sleep until about 4:30. I just wasn't tired and was working on schoolwork--this is a natural schedule for me and the one that I end up on when I do not have morning obligations. I read my anxiety workbook from 3:30 to 4:30 to try and get school out of my head and did some stretching and deep breathing while reading.

I did NOT feel anxious or panicky...however, all morning it seemed like I was stuck on thinking about my breathing! Plus I had to get up three times to use the bathroom and drink water as I kept getting dehydrated. I think I dozed off here and there, cuz I remember dreams/thoughts about various odd things, like I was somehow making my school group do deep breathing, that my homework was late and then I had strange problems working on it, and one of those "end of the world" type dreams where something weird happened and everyone isn't dead or anything but society and infrastructure are just trashed and it seems like there's just less people around(I guess kind of like a 'Dark Angel' world scenario if you remember that show). But I also remember lying thinking that I still hadn't fallen asleep...

The kicker is that even though I mostly just sat in bed breathing all morning and I don't think I really had any deep sleep, I don't feel tired.

Bizarro! Also, I've come to the realization that when I 'hear' my heartbeat I'm actually hearing pulse points on the side of my neck, which are carrying through the pillow and somehow making me more aware of the sensation of my heartbeat in my chest. Which is annoying since I'm most comfortable on my right side, but if I lie on my side I have to listen to my pulse all night. I don't know why I didn't notice it before, but now I can't seem to STOP noticing it!!!

Yaaargh!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Sun, 02-12-2006 - 1:41pm

:)


I also have an ongoing problem with constantly thinking about my breathing. through out the day i get these weird bouts of not being able to breathe, where i just feel like im being smothered and i can't get enough air down. When i really let it get to me i think about it CONSTANTLY, it keeps me awake and unable to focus on other things. I used to also be obsessive about my pulse, and i know the feeling you're talking about when you're laying on your side and you can hear everything through the pillow.


anyway, the thing that has worked best for me is setting aside designated worry time every day. Basically i set aside 30 minutes a day to worry about my breathing, pulse, temperature, etc....if i catch my self thinking about those things at other times during the day i just yell (in my head) at my self to STOP and leave the worrying for the designated worry time. I also have a number of self talking techniques that i use. I start with macro level statements such as, "I will not die" "I will be alive in 10 years" "there is nothing to worry about" and then i move on to micro statements about the particular symptom, "difficulty breathing will not kill me", "difficulty breathing and increased heart rate are symptoms of anxiety" "the anxiety can be subconscious and manifesting it self in physical forms", etc etc.


I hope that helps....it takes a lot of practice, and i still dont always believe it when i tell it to my self....

miaxmas.jpg

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 02-12-2006 - 1:57pm

When I read your post I felt as though I was reading something I wrote!!!

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Sun, 02-12-2006 - 2:09pm

Maybe I"ll try that. It's so weird...it's not worrying exactly, I just CAN'T IGNORE IT. It's just THERE...all the time.

I"ve found the least 'noisy' position is if I lie on my back but elevate my head a bit. If I lie flat i can feel it in my chest and the back of my head.

So today I'm not drinking anything carbonated...maybe if my chest is more comfortable in general I won't be so hyper-aware of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 02-12-2006 - 6:17pm
Another country heard from:) Even if I could sleep until late in the morning, my
 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Sun, 02-12-2006 - 6:45pm

Well..I've been *trying* to get on a "normal" schedule. The problem is that my head tends to be foggy and distractible until about 8:30 at night, when I suddenly get very sharp and productive. I have ADD, and I've heard this is a common phenomenon for ADD-ers. I've always been a night owl. In fact, if I can stay up til 3am or 4am and sleep til 9 or 10 I don't need as much sleep as when I try to go to bed at 10pm and get up at 6am. When I"m on a day schedule I'm groggy, moody, and have trouble concentrating. The caffeine helped with that last semester, but we all know where that got me!

Right now I feel great. Honestly, I feel better after lying in bed breathing deep but not sleeping heavily than when I zonk out. Probably a fluke, but very surprising. The three glasses of water I drank throughout, and the Zone Bar and yogurt I ate over the course of the night may have helped too. Also, I tend to have stressful dreams, which probably make me breathe shallow, and usually wake up feeling "icky" from dehydration and blood sugar. I dunno. This whole episode is just very strange.

If I can get myself disciplined enough and fit it into my schedule, I want to try and get up early enough to eat and then exercise before class, and meditate a bit before bed. Mornings are tough, though, due to the hypoglycemia and dehydration. I tried morning exercise a couple of times but felt awful. Also, it means going to bed earlier, which takes away my productive time.

I have not had any skips today, sans soda. Maybe I should drop carbonation too, at least until I can get that MRI and have proof that my heart is fine so the palps are easier to ignore.

The bird clock would drive me batty. I must have quiet in order to sleep, which probably why this pulse noise is so hard to ignore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sun, 02-12-2006 - 7:25pm
Hi I can relate to what you are going through!!
I used to do the same--- I have tapes I listen to and fall
asleep with. I go to a hypnotherapist and he makes them for
me. Sometimes I listen to just relaxing music--- I got the
earphones that seperate and then use only one.
Just think of this point if you couldn't hear your heart beat
you would be in BIG TROUBLE LOL!!! Take care! Judy
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Sun, 02-12-2006 - 7:50pm
haha....that's one way to look at it!!!