A little Introduction (very long)

Avatar for cricketvk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
A little Introduction (very long)
13
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 8:34pm

Hello all - My name is Valerie - I'm 28 years old and I'm from Texas... I've been dealing with depression, Anxiety and panic for the last 6-10 years.

When it first started I thought it was no big deal and that I could beat it without any problems especially since I had always been a up beat and happy person.

In 1997 after finishing my second semester of college my best friend in the entire world was killed in a car wreck. She left behind a 7 month old baby at the time. I had never experienced a loss like that and my world came crashing down. The person I thought would be part of my life forever was suddenly gone... devistated is an understatement.. Within about 3 months from her death I had lost a lot of weight and was in a nasty depression.... a depression to the point that I thought of suicide.(Sorry - just being honest) about six months after her death - I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I wasn't treated for depression from that - I just tried to deal with it all on my own and ultimately was the beginning of a long road. I did not have panic attacks at that time but after her death I had major anxiety about a lot of things.. my poor mom couldn't go anywhere without me worrying that she'd not make it back.

fast forward a few years to 2000 when i started dating a guy and shortly after that moved in with him - it was an emotional up and down all the time - he had a soon to be ex wife that made life really difficult sometimes. about a year into our relationship he came home one day and told me that we had to break up and that i would need to find another place to live. That night I had my first panic attack.. and it was massive - he rushed me to the hospital and they weren't sure if i was having a panic attack or a stroke or what... they gave me a big shot of ativan and wrote a script for it to help me. The dr said it was like a dam - I had been letting the water build up since my best friend died and instead of letting it out little by little - it built up to a point it broke the dam. (that's how he described why i was having it then and not before) I moved out of his house two days later... and we got back together two weeks later.. too bad the panic attacks didn't go away as quickly as the issue we were having did. I had them everyday often more than once a day and I went to the hospital for it continuously - i couldn't rationally calm myself down enough - it was like i needed someone in a white coat to tell me i was ok .. you can only imagine the amount of medical bills.. which caused more anxiety. I fought it hard for the next year with defferent medications - about a year later - he and I broke up for good - about taht same time i was put on Klonopin. and i finally started having several days at a time that I didn't have any panic attacks at all.. which was great timing considering the stress level in my life. i eventually weaned myself off of all of it and did really good . at that point it was summer 2002 - a year and a half of hell - things started looking up for me and i had the panic well under control - i still had a lot of anxiety problems - but no panic.

I met my husband and we got married in sept 03 and had my sweet baby girl in feb 04. i had some problems with panic attacks during pregnancy but not too bad. and I did really good with it basically the past two years - up until this past month. with a combination of stress, diet, and weight loss suppliments = it set off the anxiety attacks - no full blown panic attacks = just major anxiety. which brings us to today. I started effexor today... I'm actually looking forward to it working.. i didn't want to have to go back to meds after some not so pleasant experiences - but i'm really hoping this helps.

I'd like to become and active member of this board again - i came here in the 2000-2002 range alot - but haven't really been around since then.

That was probably more information than you wanted to know - but that's a bit about me and my anxiety / panic history.

Thanks,
Valerie - 28
DD - Abby - 2
DS - Devin - 7
DH - Tripp - 35

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 8:44pm

(((Valerie))) Thank-you for sharing your story with us.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 10:58pm

Hello, Valerie. We're so glad you found us. Thanks for sharing your story. We appreciate your honesty & openess. We know from past experience that you probably have touched someone else who's lurking here & won't feel so alone when reading about someone with similiar circumstances.


Post often with questions or concerns. Join in chat as Sheri Ann has offered. Look through the back posts & the folders below. We want you to live a better life. It can be done. It's all in the coping. People on our board are eager to offer what has worked best for them. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan


 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 8:50am

Hi Valerie,


I am so sorry about the loss of your best friend. I'm sure that it still hurts a lot.


I am a bit like you, I didn't have anxiety/panic (I didn't know it anyway) and I had a lot of traumatic events in a short period of time. I felt "weird" but was scared and didn't tell dh or anyone until I got my 1st pa in then night.


I was then put on lexapro and given a script for klonopin. It took me about 3 weeks or so to finally

Avatar for cricketvk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 9:33am

Heather - I agree - I'm glad I came back. I liked it before but it was so slow then and moved at a snails pace. I'm glad it's not like that anymore.

Thanks for the condolenceses - I do miss her still and some days the pain o f her loss is so strong. poeple say I should be better by now - but i have never been able to figure out how you get past loosing someone that was so close to you. It still is a big source to some of my problems.. I think about it alot.

Sometimes I think I have OCD also - I have alot of intrusive thoughts sometimes that it seems like I can't turn it off. I've never really told anyone about it.. not even my dr. they aren't any big deal - just annoying. lol. I think part of me thinks - i don't want to be "diagnosed" with anything else..

I did read your in sickness and health thread last night - but had not responded yet (too much to say - and didn't have enough time right then) - i have to say it was beautifully written.

I am glad to be here - I think this time I'll stick around even when this bout of anxiety gets under control. ;)

I need to purchase that thing that let's me have the signatures.

Thanks Heather -

Valerie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2005
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 9:44am

Valerie welcome to the board. Glad you remembered us and returned when the time was right. Stick around awhile these ladies are wonderful when it comes to support, an ear to listen, and even friendships.

I too suffered for years trying to deal on my own. And for quite awhile there it worked. However this past year became to much to handle on my own and I was put on Lexapro, which has helped me immensley. So best of luck on the medication of your choice and stay around for awhile and share with us as we will share with you.

Keitha

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 10:16am

I lost my only sister in '94. I never *got over it.* Like you, Valerie, I'm not sure what that means. It certainly is a struggle for those who are left behind. I have been told when saying that I wished my ds was still here, that I am a selfish person to want her back when she had ca & was in alot of pain. Given the chance, I believe my ds would want her life back. Pain or no pain. KWIM? Anyhoo, I just read the following & thought I'd share because it seemed to help me a little since I'm a little down this morning. (((hugs))) jan


The real magic
+++++++++++++++++++

When disaster strikes, there are no magic words that will
make everything all right. For if there were, life would
necessarily have to be unbearably empty and shallow in order
to accommodate them.

What there is, is the opportunity and the obligation to love
as you never have before. What there is, is the stimulus to
take life to a higher level.

In your moments of most profound challenge, you are left
with only what truly matters. And that is a powerful place
to be.

When you are forced to experience life at its worst, it
compels you to be your best. You must call upon a level of
strength you never before knew was there.

And then, you begin to work through it. As you choose to
move forward, life takes on greater, more profound meaning.

Choose to love, and choose to live. That is what you can do,
and that is where the real magic will happen.

Ralph Marston


 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 10:38am

Hi Valerie,


My Father died 6 yrs ago and you will never get over it. You just learn to coap better. I always get scared because i am afraid that I will forget his voice or something.


I wish I could take credit for the In sickness and health, It was written by a women from the Chicken Soup Book series.


The intrusive thoughts are AWFUL. I have them and that seems to send me into a panic.. you should tell your Dr. I know that it is hard but it is NORMAL for us anxiety people (LOL) to have those thoughts.


Yes, plese do stick around.. we are all here and just this past Wednedsay my son had surgery and the women are her for me for that and anything else. We truly are all friends here and support each other in everything that we do. Even if it is not related to anxiety...


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 10:39am
Thanks Jan for making me cry...;)
>Image hosted by Photobucket.comImage hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 1:48pm

I'm not sure we ever get over the grief of losing someone we love.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2001
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 3:18pm

AWESOME SHERI ANN!! It has been such a long road for us..HUH.. but we are here and hanging in there!!!


Pages