A little Introduction (very long)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
A little Introduction (very long)
13
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 8:34pm

Hello all - My name is Valerie - I'm 28 years old and I'm from Texas... I've been dealing with depression, Anxiety and panic for the last 6-10 years.

When it first started I thought it was no big deal and that I could beat it without any problems especially since I had always been a up beat and happy person.

In 1997 after finishing my second semester of college my best friend in the entire world was killed in a car wreck. She left behind a 7 month old baby at the time. I had never experienced a loss like that and my world came crashing down. The person I thought would be part of my life forever was suddenly gone... devistated is an understatement.. Within about 3 months from her death I had lost a lot of weight and was in a nasty depression.... a depression to the point that I thought of suicide.(Sorry - just being honest) about six months after her death - I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I wasn't treated for depression from that - I just tried to deal with it all on my own and ultimately was the beginning of a long road. I did not have panic attacks at that time but after her death I had major anxiety about a lot of things.. my poor mom couldn't go anywhere without me worrying that she'd not make it back.

fast forward a few years to 2000 when i started dating a guy and shortly after that moved in with him - it was an emotional up and down all the time - he had a soon to be ex wife that made life really difficult sometimes. about a year into our relationship he came home one day and told me that we had to break up and that i would need to find another place to live. That night I had my first panic attack.. and it was massive - he rushed me to the hospital and they weren't sure if i was having a panic attack or a stroke or what... they gave me a big shot of ativan and wrote a script for it to help me. The dr said it was like a dam - I had been letting the water build up since my best friend died and instead of letting it out little by little - it built up to a point it broke the dam. (that's how he described why i was having it then and not before) I moved out of his house two days later... and we got back together two weeks later.. too bad the panic attacks didn't go away as quickly as the issue we were having did. I had them everyday often more than once a day and I went to the hospital for it continuously - i couldn't rationally calm myself down enough - it was like i needed someone in a white coat to tell me i was ok .. you can only imagine the amount of medical bills.. which caused more anxiety. I fought it hard for the next year with defferent medications - about a year later - he and I broke up for good - about taht same time i was put on Klonopin. and i finally started having several days at a time that I didn't have any panic attacks at all.. which was great timing considering the stress level in my life. i eventually weaned myself off of all of it and did really good . at that point it was summer 2002 - a year and a half of hell - things started looking up for me and i had the panic well under control - i still had a lot of anxiety problems - but no panic.

I met my husband and we got married in sept 03 and had my sweet baby girl in feb 04. i had some problems with panic attacks during pregnancy but not too bad. and I did really good with it basically the past two years - up until this past month. with a combination of stress, diet, and weight loss suppliments = it set off the anxiety attacks - no full blown panic attacks = just major anxiety. which brings us to today. I started effexor today... I'm actually looking forward to it working.. i didn't want to have to go back to meds after some not so pleasant experiences - but i'm really hoping this helps.

I'd like to become and active member of this board again - i came here in the 2000-2002 range alot - but haven't really been around since then.

That was probably more information than you wanted to know - but that's a bit about me and my anxiety / panic history.

Thanks,
Valerie - 28
DD - Abby - 2
DS - Devin - 7
DH - Tripp - 35

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2005
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 4:38pm

Hey Valerie,
Welcome back. I, too, was very sorry to read about your best friend. It is amazing how losing a person like that can leave such a hole in our life that can never quite be filled. You will always miss your friend--never, ever feel guilty about that whether anybody thinks you should be "over" it or not.

And, as far as the OCD goes, I don't think you quite meet the diagnosis requirement :). We all, especially anxiety sufferers, have intrusive thoughts on and off. According to the DSM-IV a diagnosis of OCD (usually) is called for when obsessions or compulsions feel excessive and/or unreasonable, cause great distress, take up a considerable time (symptoms disrupt your day more then one hour a day), or interfere with daily functions. If you do have these then you really may want to consider talking to your doc about it. It doesn't neccessarily mean you will be diagnosed with something else but it may help just in the act of talking about them. :)

We will all be here as and after you get this episode of anxiety under control. There are great coping techniques on this board!!

Hth's a little. :)

Andrea

Andrea

Lilypie Baby Pic<

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 6:24pm

Hi Valerie,

Hi I am lynn Valerie so glad you are here and I am so sorry for your loss,as you know

being a part of this board is great and sharing your story will benfit others as Jan

said. Hey welcome Truly.

(((BIG BIG HUGS))

Lynn

Avatar for cricketvk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 12:53am

Thank you all for making me feel very welcome. I truely appreciate the well wishes and the lovely welcoming. :)

I am really looking forward to getting to know you all.

Valerie

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