not sure what to do
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| Tue, 03-14-2006 - 9:56am |
Hope someone can help...
I am 34, I live on my own, I have debt problems, I often live off my parents 'cause I have no money, I do work full-time but have been unemployed twice and fallen into debt more times than I can count, I have no boyfriend (it has been at least 2 years since I've had a REAL boyfriend) and the guys I do meet now don't care to have any REAL relationship with me, I hate my job, I hate getting up in the morning, I hate traffic, I hate a lot of things...
Why do I feel this way at 34?
I know I have anxiety disorders and when I was young I battled with Panic Attacks and I still do sometimes. My Mom's side of the family all has anxiety disorders... I constantly worry about everything (job, money, men, life, future, etc...). There are times at work I feel like my head is gonna explode and I often feel faint and dizzy.
I don't have good enough health insurance to talk to anyone about all these problems. Furthermore, I am afraid of therapy to tell you the truth. To talk about my past, don't want to do it, but I know you have to talk about your past to get to the future.
In any case, I am in desparation here... My mind keeps running...day and night. I can't fall asleep half the time and Sunday's are the worse! I worry about the work week the most.
I do have loving parents, a great sister and a best friend who I rely on for my WHOLE life stresses. But sometimes they aren't enough! And they have NO CLUE how I REALLY feel about anything. If they only knew how I really felt about my life; I pray some nights that I never wake up!
The only time I TRULEY enjoy my life is when I am out partying with my friends (I only go out partying once a weekend; honest!!). I drink alcohol, yes, but I don't have to...I am not addicted to it...however, it does help after a long, hard week at work! I just love being out laughing and forgetting about things with my friends!
I try to look at the positive side of things, but I can not find any positive. My Mom says I am going to have a heartattack by the time I'm 40 for the way I HATE so much things.
I know it's just the anxiety though that makes me feel this way. When I get anxious I get so ANGRY and sad.
I try to improve my life...I really do! the other day I started to play Poker online to help get my mind off of things...I know it is gambling BUT I am not playing with real money :-) In any case, it worked for an hour but then I just started obsessing over why this guy hasn't called me or work, or money...
I don't know what to do...
Try to take up a hobby some say... I don't have money to start any hobby. I often find myself cleaning in my apartment a lot 'cause I just need to do something!
Should I talk to a professional? I really can't afford it.
I want to enjoy life and love things; I truley do! I am tired of being angry, I am tired of hating LIFE, I am tired of hating period!!
ANY HELP AT ALL I WOULD BE GRATEFUL!
THANK YOU!

Hello! Welcome to our community. Life is liveable with anxiety. If you have a chance, read the back posts & see how far many of our members have come. It takes work & determination. I have said before that when we get sick & tired of being sick & tired, that will be the fire under our behinds to get us moving in the right direction.
I don't mean to be harsh, but I am wondering if you really know what you're saying. You don't have the money to seek therapy which has been proven to help 80% of the people with anxiety, but you have money for alcohol. You say you don't have a problem with it, but people who feel better after drinking may be self medicating. That is common with anxiety disorders. As for dredging up the past in therapy, you can find a therapist who will work on what you're dealing with now. Not everyone needs or is benefitted by reliving the past.
I am truly sorry that you're so miserable. I can't imagine such pain & anger in someone so young. You have years ahead of you to live the good life you deserve. There's lots of things you can do to feel better. They won't cost you a thing. Check out our *coping tips & tricks* folder below. Re-focus your thoughts to improving your mood. Reduce the stresses in your life.
Welcome to our community.
Sheri Ann
hi ! Thank you for writing. I don't want anyone to hold back on me. I need someone to be harsh with me to get me moving. I do agree if I have money for alcohol then I have money for therapy! You are so right!
I will read the back posts starting tonight and will check out other stuff in this community. I really need the help. I'm afraid if I don't get the help now what's gonna happen when I'm 40 or 50, these things I feel will only haunt me as I get older.
I try exercising but then I say "why bother"? I don't have any boyfriend and I just don't care to improve how I look. Right now I am content with how I look although I know I could look better, and I want to look better. Why don't I just do it then?
I have a lot of time on my hands, that's my biggest problem...go to work, come home, clean, eat, watch tv, sleep, go to work, come home.... same ol' thing everyday. I go to my parents at least 3 times a week and that helps, but...
There are a couple of things I like to do that maybe I can focus on...flowers and my writing. I love having lots of flowers in my apartment. Right now I just have 2 palm trees, but maybe I should get more plants?!? Maybe that might help.
And, I love to write...I write a lot about the economy and life in general...mostly depressing stories, but...
I really want to try to get better by myself...my friend's Dad went on some anxiety medication and it made him weird. I don't want to feel weird. I already take pills for my stomache problems I don't want more pills. The last time I talked to a Psychologist (or psychiatrist; can't remember which one I went to) they wanted to put me on pills for my panic attacks...
I can't let this get the best of me any more though...it's ruining my life.
I will read about your suggestions at home tonight and do some more searching on this site and hopefully I can find a way to get better.
Thank you!
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Hello! Welcome to our community. Life is liveable with anxiety. If you have a chance, read the back posts & see how far many of our members have come. It takes work & determination. I have said before that when we get sick & tired of being sick & tired, that will be the fire under our behinds to get us moving in the right direction.
I don't mean to be harsh, but I am wondering if you really know what you're saying. You don't have the money to seek therapy which has been proven to help 80% of the people with anxiety, but you have money for alcohol. You say you don't have a problem with it, but people who feel better after drinking may be self medicating. That is common with anxiety disorders. As for dredging up the past in therapy, you can find a therapist who will work on what you're dealing with now. Not everyone needs or is benefitted by reliving the past.
I am truly sorry that you're so miserable. I can't imagine such pain & anger in someone so young. You have years ahead of you to live the good life you deserve. There's lots of things you can do to feel better. They won't cost you a thing. Check out our *coping tips & tricks* folder below. Re-focus your thoughts to improving your mood. Reduce the stresses in your life. Try volunteering. Start an exercise program. Walking is great & it's free. It will burn off your anxiety & increase the endorphins(feel good hormones) in your body. Try meditation, belly breathing, journaling or developing a hobby. Check out support groups in your area or therapists that will allow you to pay on a sliding scale. Sometimes churches or local family services have free counseling services for those who qualify.
The thoughts of not wanting to wake up are very worrisome. You have lost your sense of purpose in life. You matter to your family & friends. They would be devastated if something were to happen to you. If these thoughts continue or you feel you might hurt yourself, call for help. Get to an emergency room. Call your family or friends to take you there. You will get better. Though you can't see it now, life is very worthwhile. You can do this. We're here to help in whatever way we can. Please post often & let us know how you're doing. Join us in chat tonight. We care & know that you will succeed! Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan
First let me say that I AM SO HAPPY now that I have talked about my problem and there are people who can relate and will listen (and not judge me)...thank you.
I am in the process of looking for a new job. I hope to get a new one soon. Maybe when I do I will feel better?!? mmmmm... It seems that ever since I got laid off from my 5 1/2 year job in 2003 I have never truley been happy with any job...and my life. I lost a lot more than just a job.
Thank you for the links...I will take time tonight to check out them.
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Welcome to our community. I know firsthand that anxiety can cause depression. They seem to go hand in hand. While we will be happy to help you with the anxiety part, you seem to have so much going on in your life that adds to your unhappiness. Is it possible for you to change jobs at this point in your life? One of the things that have worked for me in the past, is taking a class through my local parks & recs, they have everything from Italian cooking to pottery at a minimal cost. It might be a good way to meet new people and think about your future.
There are many other boards on ivillage that will help with some of the issues you are facing. Here are a few to get you started!
Hi bd
Welcome my name is lynn, first, I would try to get an appointment to see your doc and
there are clinics that go by your income or even lack of. Sometime we need help
and you have come to the right place. For starters if I were you when I first woke up in
the morning and look into a mirror any mirror will do and say this 5 times" I am 34 and I
am very beatiful and very smart, I choose to be happy today and will set aside a time to
feel all the negative things i feel until then, I will keep a smile on my face and help
someone else to have a good day by my smile." I know that sounds werid,but it worked for
me I hpoe it works for you. Don't
allow yourself to hate things until a certain time. Hey it couldn't hurt. I'm not saying
you don't feel the things I suggested you say, but saying things out loud seem to out do
the inward thoughts sometimes. The ladies here are great and I know they have alot more
suggestons. I hope I have helped somewhat and I am here when either you would like to
talk. Hope to talk to you soon.
(((((BIG BIG HUGS)))))
Lynn
Boy this is tough...I am doing this at work and I just want to cry...you guys are so great!
I will try to do your idea...maybe that will help!?? I will try anything at this point. I am tired of waking up and hating life before I even get out the door.
mmmmm...don't allow myself to hate things until a certain time? You mean, don't hate something until I really need to? Like if I wake up and hate the day already...when I am hating the day already when nothing has happened yet?!? mmmm... boy that's something to think about.
thanks!
**********
Hi bd
Welcome my name is lynn, first, I would try to get an appointment to see your doc and
there are clinics that go by your income or even lack of. Sometime we need help
and you have come to the right place. For starters if I were you when I first woke up in
the morning and look into a mirror any mirror will do and say this 5 times" I am 34 and I
am very beatiful and very smart, I choose to be happy today and will set aside a time to
feel all the negative things i feel until then, I will keep a smile on my face and help
someone else to have a good day by my smile." I know that sounds werid,but it worked for
me I hpoe it works for you. Don't
allow yourself to hate things until a certain time. Hey it couldn't hurt. I'm not saying
you don't feel the things I suggested you say, but saying things out loud seem to out do
the inward thoughts sometimes. The ladies here are great and I know they have alot more
suggestons. I hope I have helped somewhat and I am here when either you would like to
talk. Hope to talk to you soon.
(((((BIG BIG HUGS)))))
I WOULD see a doctor it is well worth the money!!! You have
borrowed for other things sooooooo this is REAL trouble!
If you have therapy and by the way many do NOT go into the
past very deeply MANY try to get you to live in the NOW!!!
and stop obsessing about the future!!! MEDS AND THERAPY have
improved MY LIFE! I did not have one before too much anxiety and
panic to live a "normal" life!
I look at it this way WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE??? you do not enjoy
life which is horrible--------- give it a try!! GOOD LUCK! Judy
come and join us in chat tonight!!